To wonder why people let themselves get fat?

[Judgeywedgiepants]

I am frequently amazed at the number of women at 15/17/20 stone who suddenly realise how fat they are and want to do something about it.
Why do people let themselves get so fat? It's unhealthy, unsightly and very life limiting.
Why not just keep an eye on your weight and keep it nice and steady?

Chandellina, I take your point (I think).

However, I don't need your compassion, thanks. Please try not to consider all those who are overweight objects of pity, who must bear their 'lot in life' as well as they can. Were you to meet me, you would feel not one ounce of compassion, I guarantee it.

Love from Bloofer
(5 foot 8, size 16/18, beautiful, gifted* and loved )

*So they say. In a kind light. With a following wind
**You'll have to take my word for that one just now.

maybe compassion is not the exact word - i just mean not jumping to judgeypants conclusions.

Niceguy - at the most basic level you are right - weight gain results from excess calories ingested over energy expended. What people, myself included, have been trying to do on this thread is to explain why we do this. The reasons can be very complex and not easy to tackle.

For example - the issue about not wanting to go to the gym because you feel unattractive. I do not think that society is accepting of fat people, and I tend to think that I am being negatively judged wherever I go. I have catastrophically low self-esteem. Most gyms I have been to seem to be full of fit, attractive, slim people, and it is very easy to believe that they are going to judge me even more than people on the street (probably a false assumption, but I bet that I would see the 'Good God' reaction from you if you saw me exercising, and would be so devastated that I wouldn't see the 'good for her' that followed it). Put all that together and you may be able to understand that going to the gym is bloody difficult for me, and if I feel uncomfortable and stupid-looking in my exercise gear, that is going to make it worse.

If it truly was as simple as consume fewer calories and exercise more, and I had no underlying issues complicating things, I would have lost the weight years ago. As it is, I am concentrating on losing the depression, as that is the problem which is more likely to kill me - no exageration - I have gone through periods where I thought about suicide on a daily basis, and was only held back from it by the thought of the hurt to my family, but I know I would only have to go a bit further into the darkness for the pain of the depression, and the need to escape it, to outweigh any considerations for anyone else. I just haven't quite reached that tipping point yet.

So I am working on my mental health, aiming to achieve stability and peace, and an ability to enjoy life, because then I feel I will be in a far better place to look after my weight. As I said earlier in the thread, I don't even like myself at the moment, and it is hard to care for and look after something you don't like. Hopefully I will get to like myself, and that will help me concentrate on losing some weight.

DTG - I reckon a wii fit would be perfect for you. I think those things have been a lifesaver for so many people.

But that's kind of my point!

There seems to be a sort of 'catch-all' view amongst some posters here that all those in the government's overweight/obesity stats can be spotted at 100 paces, and that you would therefore pause to think, and have to consciously avoid a judgeypants conclusion. It's simply not the case. I suspect my weight would be far from the first thing you noticed about me, unless you were wondering how much my breasts weigh - and the same goes for many people I know who are what the NHS/you would term overweight.

I suppose in my own cack-handed way I am saying that unless you specifically make an effort to assess the weight of others against your own - and of course I wouldn't dream of suggesting you personally would do anything so shallow and absurd - then for many of those you are very sweetly saying you woudn't judge, you wouldn't even notice.

I've wandered off the track

Agree about the wii fit, too.

I guess I will have to start saving for a Wii and Wii fit then. I'll tell dh that the accumulated wisdom of Mumsnet says I need one!

ugh this is so flipping frustrating! how can people keep on asking the same question, get hundreds of answers, ignore those and keep asking the same flipping question.
"yes but WHY are they fat?!
"they are fat because they eat too much and excersise too little"
despite the hundreds of posts explaining WHY THEY EAT TOO MUCH AND EXCERSISE TOO LITTLE!!!!
those posts are totally bypassed to keep going back to the simple action of placing food into a mouth.
have none of you still asking the initial question actually absorbed the idea that there is emotional and mental reasoning for over eating or do you just believe it is all machanical?
if you are genuinely asking the question, i suggest you go back and read the posts again. i believe a few people may have answered it by now.
and god the person called niijeski or whatever,
you ignoramous. it may come as a shock to you but maybe just maybe us "fat people" dont want your life and dont need to be addressed like lesser human beings than you because your lifestyle is so much better than ours.
you are not worth more as a person because you excersise, or because you are slim with muscle and have a defined face. your value as a human being i believe is about more than wether you run around and wear nice clothing and are asthetically pleasing to other people.
i think your value as a person comes from what you give to people, what you provide your community and being a good person.

empathy and kindness i think are much more important qualities than looking good and being able to run fast.
sadly you have made it really apparent that you are full on the latter and in short supply of the former qualities, and for that i pity you.

STDG Have you a local council gym? Just wondering because, in my experience, the more expensive private gyms do tend to have a higher proportion of very slim and glamourous people using them.

I am a member of my local council gym (there are actually 4 facilities in the town that I can use, including swimming pool, gyms and exercise classes). The facilities are a bit tired and grubby in places compared to David Lloyd et al but I don't give a monkey's. Aside from being the cheapest fitness membership in the area (by a long way), the facilities are used by lots of very ordinary people of all ages, shapes and sizes. There are a lot of pensioners using my gym regularly, for example.

In short, it's not the sort of place where people will be judged as there is so much variety.

ta bloofer, i shall accept and dunk a rich tea
i suppose it is a tad early for a isnt it.

Bub, it is always wine o'clock somewhere. You could have a glass of Australian shiraz? That would be fine

bubbub, that's true, we all get governed by our emotional response, we're only human and this can lead to excess - overeating, drinking too much etc etc, but then there's fighting that demon, discipline, avoiding temptation, getting help etc etc....

I also think the cultural reason for overeating is being ignored here- it's much easier to buy a bag of crisps than an apple, it's acceptable to eat in the street etc etc. In many cultures round the world or in the UK in earlier generations this isn't the case

I have just caught up on all the overnight posts.

Some good has come from this, I broke down in tears at DF last night and talked through a lot of my anxiety issues. Since doing that, and reading this thread, I have realised they are not all that big.

I do quite want to see my son start school, I want to stop looking like a pre-pubescent lad. I'm damn well going to make myself eat and break the vicious cycle I'm currently stuck in!

Fuck me, I'm hungry!

Olifin - yes I have been looking at our council gyms - mainly, as you say, because of the price.

also SDTG - sorry to hear you've been in such a bad place..and good for you for choosing to prioritise working on your mental health. In my experience exercise (of any kind) is the best way of stablising how I feel. Is there an exercise you enjoy, anything that you could do in a way which felt comfortable for you, ie not the flashy gym? Exercise dvd at home, fast walk/run around the block c25k?? Just a thought...

start with one of these..

just to add the number of people i know who are members of an expensive, trendy gym have all the latest gear but DON'T GO! My local, otoh, is grimy, tatty but super-friendly and welcomes everyone of all shapes and sizes, no need to dress up! Think finding the right gym is key, some are bloody intimidating...

Someone suggested a pilates dvd. Expat, and I am going to look at some on Amazon this morning. I have to say I do like the idea of exercising in the privacy of my own front room, with only the dog to judge me.

Thank you yoshiLunk!

Sounds good SDTG, sounds good.

You could set aside a specific time every day for your " class " so you know you HAVE to do it, IYSWIM?

Good luck! xx

Mumofalump - go for it. Stay strong.

when i got fit and lost 4stone i did an hour on the ex bike a day in front of the telly (dead easy! no excuse no gym to fret about)
and i did the rosmary connely dvd the most recent one. it was good because i have 2 left feet and no balance and you could chose which of the girls to follow as each girl was varying in difficulty.
i tried pilates and yoga and just got irritated whan i didnt get it and kept falling over
belly dancing (when i was totally alone) was really good and really toned me up and was stupidly giggletastic.
then i lost grip. spiralled into sabotage and began self harming with food.
once i have my mind sorted, i know i will lose weight because ive done it before, its not hard to lose it, its dead hard to maintain the right frame of mind to keep it off.

Expat I think you speak a lot of sense.

I was thinking last night about the connection between emotional problems and over/undereating and it led me to think about how things were in this country in the past.

When my parents were growing up in the 50s, there were no overweight people, or very, very few. Depression and emotional problems have always existed so how did people deal with those in the past? Perhaps they turned to drink or something else but they didn't turn to food because they couldn't; there just wasn't the abundance of it that there is now. Plus, of course, everyone was on the move a lot more. Work was more physically demanding, even being a housewife, and fewer cars meant people walked or cycled everywhere. It goes to show that 'eating less and moving more' really is all it comes down to for most people but it doesn't address the issue of how people deal with their problems. For many in this country in the 21st century, food is the answer.

Thought you might get a flaming op saying that....
Its not something someone does on purpose...

Sometimes it must so so dam hard to get off the cycle of eating , guilt, sadness, eating comfort, guilt, self hatred etc.

SDTG, the Wii Fit is a great idea, in fact some of the games are good for exercise too.

I played Mario & Sonic a the Olympic Games the other day with the DSs, later on I was wondering what I'd done to myself - I realised the next day when I was playing the same game that I'd used some muscles I'd forgotten I'd had - I'd had a work out without realising it - and it was fun .

btw, Game or GameStation do very reasonably priced second hand Wii consoles