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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wonder why people let themselves get fat?

776 replies

Judgeywedgiepants · 17/05/2011 09:15

I am frequently amazed at the number of women at 15/17/20 stone who suddenly realise how fat they are and want to do something about it.
Why do people let themselves get so fat? It's unhealthy, unsightly and very life limiting.
Why not just keep an eye on your weight and keep it nice and steady?

OP posts:
xstitch · 17/05/2011 19:00

I comfort ate after being raped. I wanted to be as unattractive as possible in order to avoid it happening again. You are probably right, I had no self respect as every day I woke up I was disappointed to be still alive. I ended up wearing size 16 to 18 clothes.

I got down to a size 12. I have to wear 14s at the moment but that is to accommodate a baby bump.

It wasn't a sudden realisation that I was fat. It was a gradual realisation that I did in fact have more internal strength than my rapist wanted me to believe. That I could risk being myself rather than hiding behind food. If I had shown know self discipline at all I would have been dead at my own hand. Yes I knew being fat was bad for me but I wanted to die and I wanted it to be a slow painful death as I believed I needed punished.

OP you can think I am as weak or pathetic as you want. The important thing is the fact that I am still alive to tell you this is testament to the fact that I am stronger than my rapist or any other bully would have me believe and from now on I will fight back in one way or another. I may have very lit freedom in my life but while I can still speak up to defend myself or others I will.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 17/05/2011 19:06

That is a terrible and amazing story, xstitch - what happened to you was terrible, but I am so full of admiration for the way you have found your inner strength. You are an amazing person.

maighdlin · 17/05/2011 19:11

well the OP appears to have fecked off.

I had my first appointment with a personal trainer today. (scary biscuits) I'm 21 stone. was completely honest with her as to how i got so big

  • secret eater as a child.
  • classic comfort eater for as long as i can remember
  • had SUFE age 11 and subsequent arthritis spent 6 months in a wheelchair and a good 4/5 months on crutches. muscles turned to jelly and i couldn't face exercise for a good long time (about 3 weeks ago) as at the time i was so "behind" the people in my school/friends then when i got my strength back was even further behind.
  • depression as a teenager (two periods) raped at 15.
  • settled into the role of the big girl.
  • met DH who couldn't give a shite how i looked and enjoyed food as much as i did. any form of exercise became humiliation.
  • a year of extreme family stress, good old food was always there for me.
  • pregnancy (weirdly i was 1 1/2 stone lighter at 39 weeks than i was before i fell pregnant, but had hyperemis.)
  • PND and medication I'm still not out of.
  • my one great talent is baking and desserts. I am my own worst enemy at times. there has been many times where the cake mix has not made it to the oven, i have sat crying eating the mix with a spoon.

the only reason i have started exercising is i felt so fucking fed up and trapped in depression i had an epiphany of either start exercising or take up full time drinking. exercise won. i know how unhealthy it is to be my size. i know that i fill my face full of shit and would rather have a lie down with a tub of ice cream than go for a dreaded walk. an insight in how my brain works, i used to be known for the quote

"who ever said nothing tastes as good as skinny feels clearly has never had a hot fudge sundae"

Rollmops · 17/05/2011 19:15

Juzt wondering, how many ferocious posters on this thread are above 16 stone.... hmmmmmmmmmmmmm....
Is there such a thing as 'protective herd obesity' where everyone in the said herd automatically bites off heads of 'orrid beasties that dare to question the very 'weighty' issue, excuse the... etc.
Apart from the medical reasons, some self control should be exercised to stop oneself spreading beyond the point of no return.

[presents head to be bitten off]

Kewcumber · 17/05/2011 19:21

will not bite your head off Rollmops. I don't argue that one should exercise some self control to avoid getting past the point of no return and I am mightly ashamed that I didn't/couldn't. The OP was asking why some people don't. I won't go over again my personal experience which resulted in me being significantly over 16 stone at one point, very significantly over - no-one in the "opposing camp" seems very interested in listening to why.

I would venture a guess that I was at my highest weight the largest person on this thread. Do I get a medal?

xstitch · 17/05/2011 19:22

Even at my fattest I was not over 16stone. I won't bite your head off rollmops I have amazing self control.

intertoyz · 17/05/2011 19:38

Rollmops' head does look tasty, though. And I am hungry.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 17/05/2011 19:38

Bloody hell, Maighdlin... you've had some stuff and a half to deal with in your life. :(

It just goes to show that all the trite soundbites and flippant comments that people can make about overweight people are so pointless and cruel. There's so much more to a weight problem than what it says on the scales and it's really time that people stopped judging.

I agree with the 'personality' traits; people are different and they have different interests. Some interests are sport orientated and outdoorsy, some aren't. i was a bookworm as a child, doing my 'jobs' but only so that I could get back to my books. My football-mad brothers never picked up a book.

Rollmops... If you've read some of the posts on this thread and thought about some of the really personal issues that affect people, you'd know that it's not just a question of 'self control' it's much more complex than that.

BlooferLady · 17/05/2011 19:42

x stitch I don't know if you remember me but I chatted briefly with you on a BFing thread at the weekend. sounds trite, but I am so very sorry for all you've been through and am quite struck by how courageous you are to talk about it all so openly - which can only help other people, I think.

Rollmops I'd not bite your head off - of course I/others should operate some self-restraint! I should also keep on top of my credit card bills, be a bit more diligent at work, get on with my studies instead of hanging out on MN, and remember to phone my MIL a bit more often. It's just none of those things make me fat.

And not everyone has been ferocious. The ferociousness came from the tone and nastiness of the OP and others, not the question itself. If i were to start a thread asking "Hey! Anyone here overweight & care to share how they think that started?" Do you think it would have degenerated like that? No, I really don't think so.

Rollmops · 17/05/2011 19:54

Ladies, you show grace that puts me to shame over my flippant comments.
I wish you well and apologise if I caused hurt feelings.

strandedbear · 17/05/2011 19:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlooferLady · 17/05/2011 20:00

Oh now I really fancy a pickled herring Grin

prettyfly1 · 17/05/2011 20:01

I am a size ten and a former size sixteen. FUCK OFF. That ferocious enough for you???

MisSalLaneous · 17/05/2011 20:01

In answer to (disappearing) OP: Just to annoy you. I'm so relieved to see it worked.

fairydoll · 17/05/2011 20:06

I disagrre that most fat people are unhappy and loathe themselves.i think it is something that probably just creeps up on you very gradually so you don't notice it.
I do think the OP is a twat though-i wonder if she could go round a pyschiatric ward and tell patients weith depression to cheer themselves up,

theinet · 17/05/2011 20:13

i used to wonder how and why people "let themselves go" and put on so much weight.

then i started putting on weight myself, during a stressful period at work when i started to seek solace in food and stopped exercising, and moved into my mid 30s. 2 stone came on in a couple of years.

i then got a grip but it has been a monumental effort in terms of additional exercise and changing my diet to get the body i had in my mid 20s. and i never considered myself the "putting on weight" type.

easy to let it happen bit by bit , compare yourself to fat people you know "i',m not as fat as so and so and eat a bit more.

believe it or not you can then suddenly realise you've "woken up fat" one morning.......

MisSalLaneous · 17/05/2011 20:17

Fairydoll, taking only myself as an example, I think I agree with you. I'm relatively happy with my weight - sure, every time I have to buy clothes I can kick myself if something is too small - and as a result, I'm slowly but surely getting bigger. I worry sometimes (clearly not enough) that it might add up so much that one day it's just too big a hurdle. Kind of how I feel about exercise now, where it's been so long since I've done any that it's hard to start.

mippy · 17/05/2011 20:40

I'm 15st. I'm also 5ft11 with size 9 feet, and wearing a size 12 Topshop dress today. Weight, dress size are just numbers and mean frankly fuck all. OP probably thinks a 'normal' person is 8 stone but you'd be able to play a tune on my ribs if I weighed that much.

Olifin · 17/05/2011 21:54

Just want to reiterate something I mentioned earlier in the thread in the hope it may be of some use to someone.

Exercise can help enormously with depression. It is not a cure-all, of course, but it can be a really important part of helping a person keep on an even keel.

I have been on ADs for some time with anxiety and depression and I have also had problems with anger and various addictions. Exercise is hugely important to me these days, I honestly couldn't be without it. It's the endorphins, I suppose.

For those of you who find it hard to exercise, what are the barriers for you?

NotaMopsa · 17/05/2011 21:58

olifin - i am not fat but sacrifice healthy eating in favour of v low calorie diet as i do not exercise

I just do not enjoy it- i don't get that 'rush that folk speak of... can't bear the thought of most exercise

Olifin · 17/05/2011 22:05

Fair enough. Have you given it a good length of time? Just wondering. It took me a year to really get into it.

working9while5 · 17/05/2011 22:06

To the OP: there's no way I'm going to read 17 sodding pages to see if my comment is relevant because, well, it is.

Ah fuck off, I mean, seriously, fuck off.

I'm not going to sully biscuits by associating them with your fuckwittery.

Olifin · 17/05/2011 22:11

Not that it's any of my business NotaMopsa...I don't mean to interrogate you.

I personally have found it enormously helpful but I accept that won't be the case for everyone.

bumpsoon · 17/05/2011 22:12

Honestly OP its really very simple , i am fat because i ate too much of the wrong food and didnt move around enough to burn off said food . I am now addressing the issue , but i have to admit in my much younger slimmer days i used to wonder the same . Now i know Grin

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 17/05/2011 22:17

"DELETE DELETE DELETE DELETE"

Just for you, working9while5 - I hope you appreciate my cyberman impression!! Grin