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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To wonder why people let themselves get fat?

776 replies

Judgeywedgiepants · 17/05/2011 09:15

I am frequently amazed at the number of women at 15/17/20 stone who suddenly realise how fat they are and want to do something about it.
Why do people let themselves get so fat? It's unhealthy, unsightly and very life limiting.
Why not just keep an eye on your weight and keep it nice and steady?

OP posts:
intertoyz · 17/05/2011 16:33

I thought biscuits. And then maybe some cake.

Grin
BlooferLady · 17/05/2011 16:34

Nice one Inter Grin

escapeartist · 17/05/2011 16:41

I don't normally read or respond to AIBU but this one is quite something!
nijinsky I can see where you;re coming from - I am also an athlete, train hard and make it my priority and resent people telling me that it's easy/does not require discipline. I had to nurse my dad through cancer and see him die, I was depressed (which made me not eat) and still got up at stupid o'clock in the morning to go for a run. I lost a lot of weight and aged about 10 years...
Still, having been through unemployment, illness, crippling injury, death of a loved one, miscarriage and fire in the last two years, I firmly realise that sport can also be a luxury! I firmly acknowledge that now. You don't seem to be able to see that.

Bloofer you rock! And what you said about personalities stands for me - I am very disciplined in all that I do, I like routine, I like the outdoors and I would rather be out running than baking, that makes me slim. I have no problem with people who would rather stay in and bake (in fact I appreciate them a lot!!!) :)

Being fat might be about hating yourself etc, but being thin can be too. Some people (and that might have been me once) will never be self assured enough to let themselves be anything but what they see as "perfect".

Oh... and PeppePig I do always wonder about what you said: if some of us stay slim because our DH's seem to prefer slim women. After my pregnancy and subsequent mc I did gain weight and I did feel that my DH would be critical. It worried me. (He didn't even notice...btw)

BlooferLady · 17/05/2011 16:42
Grin
StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 17/05/2011 16:45

Step away from the baklava, BlooferLady. Hand it over here - I will eat it keep it safe for you!! Grin

BlooferLady · 17/05/2011 16:50

Give it to Nijinsky, that'll cheer up the poor lass...

Kendodd · 17/05/2011 16:51

Sorry haven't read very much of this thread but I think this is quite a reasonable question not something that nobody should ever even dare to mention. If the op was an academic doing research and asked more tactfully would that still be wrong?

Speaking for myself, I am overweight, not very badly, just over the top of normal because I eat too much and don't have the self discipline to do anything about it.

Mumofaflump · 17/05/2011 16:53

OP (if you come back), I comfort starve. I stop eating when I'm upset, tired, cross etc.

At the moment I weigh just shy of 7 stone. It's unhealthy, life limiting and very unsightly (as one poster commented, who wants to see bones and tendons sticking out).

It isn't all gravy for us "smug skinnies" either...

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 17/05/2011 17:03

Kendodd - this is a very sensitive issue, but I don't mind discussing it, as long as it is done tactfully - something that hasn't always happened on this thread.

I am glad to have the opportunity to try to explain what it is like to be me, and how that affects all the decisions in my life (not just those to do with my weight). Sadly a lot of what I have said has been dismissed as excuses by some people.

Mumofalump - are you getting some help and support? I promise you I am not assuming it is all easy for slim people, and my heart goes out to you.

ScousyFogarty · 17/05/2011 17:12

judgey..there are many reasons....upbringing. genes. social level, Eric Pickles MP is an interesting example. It may be medical with him

Mumofaflump · 17/05/2011 17:12

StayingDavidTennantsGirl - Thank you, luckily I have an amazing family and DF. DF will make sure I eat, will keep an eye on my emotional state and make sure I eat something nutritious before I get too bad.

It's not that I don't like food, or eating, it's just that I am physically sick if I try to eat while I'm upset, tired etc.

I am also seeing a nutitionist, don't much like her though. She told me that I have the BMI of a POW and that if I don't "sort myself out" I won't see DS start school.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 17/05/2011 17:14

Ouch - that was pretty harsh of her, Mumofalump! But I am glad that your family and df are being supportive and looking after you.

{{unmumsnetty hug}}

wordfactory · 17/05/2011 17:16

MUM eating issues are the work of the devil and so difficult to overcome.

ginghamspider · 17/05/2011 17:17

Most friends I have with weight issues have other problems underlying it - low self-esteem (for good reason - raped at 19 and alcoholic father), loneliness (comfort), grief (they just forget about taking care of themselves due to emotional/mental health). Some people are just in a rut, some are lazy (usually featured on TV eating nothing but kebabs - but hardly representative as I'm sure you know) and not well educated about nutrition/how to cook/what the risks are...but if you look beyond their weight - you'll usually find someone struggling with some other unhappiness. Are you perfect?

BulletWithAName · 17/05/2011 17:32

MumOfAFlump- I'm a fellow comfort starver. Can't eat a thing when I'm upset or angry.

Kendodd · 17/05/2011 17:33

"you'll usually find someone struggling with some other unhappiness"

Well I would challenge that, I'm fat but not unhappy, most of my friends are a similar size and as far as I know not unhappy. Most of us would like to lose weight though but this is a small part of my life. Also does this mean that people who are an ideal weight don't have unhappiness in their lives? I don't know anyone with a perfect life, fat, thin or in-between.

I think most people who are overweight are that way because like me, they just eat too much and they eat too much because it all tastes so flippin good.

bishboschone · 17/05/2011 17:34

I was over fed as a child ( parents showled their love with food) . I had no idea I was fat when I left home. I was 14 stone. I continued to eat in the vain I was taught and still didn't equate that I was buying size 18-20 clothes. I was confident and engaged so I guess I didn't really notice. One day I saw myself and realised how fat I was. I dieted and have been a size 8-10 for most of my adult life. I am now pregnant and have put on a considerable amount of weight but I know I can and will lose it as I personally hate being fat now I have experienced thin.
My sister sadly has never managed to sort it out and is a size 22 , I doubt she ever will as she has real issues with food. I had a very priveleged childhood and our parents loved us but coming from poor families they had hardly any food as children and wanted to give us what they didn't have.

I don't resent my parents but I am very careful not to do what they did and giving my dd great eating habits, good choices and the ability to stop when fulll is very important to me.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 17/05/2011 17:35

Kendodd - I disagree that 'most' people are overweight just because they enjoy their food too much. I think there are often a lot of other factors that play a part, and that is what I have been trying to say on this thread. Can I suggest, in a polite way, that you go and find some of my earlier posts and read them?

southeastastra · 17/05/2011 17:35

well i've got fat since giving up the fags and i'm bloody loving it so there

also apparently fatter people look younger so i am using that excuse too atm

Kendodd · 17/05/2011 17:38

SDTG I haven't read your earlier posts, I will go back and read them. I have only read the first page or two and then jumped to the end.

PinotGrigiosKittens · 17/05/2011 17:41

Emotional eating is what makes me overweight. It's not the love of food. Itps way deeper than that, unfortunately. Ishoos etc.

Kewcumber · 17/05/2011 17:55

If I hadn't actually answered the OP seriously but instead made the sweeping generalisations that apparently fat people do, I wonder the OP or others who agreed with her would have made any kind of comment on my posts.

Or did no-one (on the other side of the fence) really care what the answer was, just wanted a pop? Confused

BtW OP (and nijinsky et al) I have lost and kept off (so far) 7 stone so feel uniqueley qualified to answer on both sides of this debate.

In fact no-one else should allowed to post - just me.

rogersmellyonthetelly · 17/05/2011 18:01

OP, being 16 stone is not actually REALLY fat. Not if you are me anyhow, at nearly 6ft tall, I'm on the podgy side I admit, but am in a comfortable size 16/18.
I did actually just wake up one morning and think "shit I've got fat!" that was because the previous 3 years had been spent pregnant/breastfeeding/PND and frankly I was too sleep deprived/depressed to notice the 3 stone weight I had gained.

strandedbear · 17/05/2011 18:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tigercametotea · 17/05/2011 18:11

OP you need to realise that its a bit simplistic to assume that people who are fat have no self-discipline or self-respect. Its often more than that. It could be psychological issues, health problems, etc. If only life was so "cut-and-dried"...

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