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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that Year 7 (1st yr secondary school) is TOO LATE to give "the talk" about puberty?

101 replies

MrsSchadenfreude · 16/05/2011 23:08

Should this not take place in primary school? DD1 is 12, and I am pretty sure that most of her friends have already started their periods and are wearing bras. And a not insignificant number of them started their periods when they were 10.

OP posts:
DontCallMePeanut · 16/05/2011 23:12

My DN started her period when she was just short of her 10th birthday. I'm not sure when she started having THE talk, but I would have hoped it was before then.

manicinsomniac · 16/05/2011 23:16

I work in a boarding school and it seems the majority of girls start their periods in year 8 or towards the end of year 7. But some girls are earlier in year 7 or even year 6 (in fact one very mature looking girl in my tutor group started at the end of year 5!!)

So yeah, a little late. Ours get it around March of Year 6. But they will get it again in year 7,8,9 etv, getting more and more explicit each time I guess. At least that's what I remember from school - year 6 was periods and bras, year 8 was tampons, year 9 was condoms, year 10 was STDs. Etc.

cantspel · 16/05/2011 23:34

why is it up to the school to give the talk about puberty?

It is your child and you should have the talk before they start getting the biological and text book info from the school.

Olifin · 16/05/2011 23:36

I don't suppose you're being U but I do feel the onus should very much be on the parents in terms of having the 'talk'. My 5 year-old DD knows that basics of periods and how babies are made because she's asked me questions and I've answered honestly.

I don't think it's a good idea for any parent to leave it entirely up to the school to provide such information. I don't suppose schools have enough time in the curriculum to go into much detail, especially with regards to the more tricky (less biological!) aspects such as sexuality, readiness for sexual relationships, issues around consent and emotional aspects of sexual relationships etc.

Olifin · 16/05/2011 23:37

Ah! Crossed posts with cantspel. We seem to be singing from the same hymn sheet!

OddBoots · 16/05/2011 23:37

My experience has been that it has been covered every year from Y4 onwards just with more detail and a gradual change in tone each year.

That said, I see it as my job to educate my children on puberty, relationships, sex and reproduction too so questions have been answered from when they were tiny.

Original poster
MrsSchadenfreude · 16/05/2011 23:40

Yes, yes, of course I have done the talk and bought the book, and answered questions on everything from bra size to masturbation and oral sex. But I know there are still some parents who don't, and I thought that this talk, which was, according to DD1 "just pubes, boobs and periods", a little late.

OP posts:
meditrina · 16/05/2011 23:42

Year 7 is as early as a secondary school can do this.

It should have been covered at primary school, but secondaries willhave children coming from a number of different primaries,so it seems sensible to e to "start again" to ensure that no-one in their cohort has important its of information missing. I'd e very surprised if it were a totally new topic for any of the pupils. Especially as I'd expect parents to have played their part by then too.

doley · 16/05/2011 23:44

What do they cover in YR4 ?

CointreauVersial · 16/05/2011 23:49

They have the puberty talk at school in Year 5 here, then the "sex" one in Year 6.

DD1 is ten, but I think she's some way off from periods etc. I did have a little chat with her a few months back, and she thought the whole concept was hilarious and not at all worrying. She clearly had no idea about it before I told her. She's very unobservant, though!

onceamai · 17/05/2011 06:18

Parents are the ones who see their child developing and who are responsible for ensuring they know what they need to know. My dd was a very well developed 10 year old and although they had a little talk in Y5 it was me that noticed the development and who provided additional information and support and took her to Boots to chose some Sanitory towels and a little make up bag for them, etc.. It was me who supported her and loved her and had to go to see the head because there were no sanni bins and little privacy in the school loos.

Just like it was me and DH who have had chats with the DS about his spots, girls, snogging, etc.. Just it's the parents' responsibility to tell them to be safe to mix sensibly and chose their friends with care; to underpin it all with a note about long term meaningful relationships, about caring for others, about how lives get wrecked by unwanted pregnancy, etc., and how it is always better to plan ahead.

I think our DC have had enough sex and relationships education at school but that it is up to us as parents to build on it and to provide advice and common sense to make sure they are aware of their developing sexuality and have the values that make a successful caring life drilled in too.

Let their teachers focus on the basics that I can't teach; literacy, maths, french, physics, etc., and let parents focus on sending in well balanced, well behaved children receptive to the learning they offer.

seeker · 17/05/2011 06:24

It's part of the National Curriculum - periods are covered in detail in year 5.

bonkers20 · 17/05/2011 06:37

My DS is in year 7 and I'm pretty sure hasn't had THE talk this year. As others have said, he had different talks in primary school.

They did learn about puberty from a more scietific POV in science, but this wasn't a "talk" it was a lesson. Oh and I'm pretty sure they've talked about relationships and all that in PHCE (or whatever the heck it's called).

I think it's good to talk about these things frequently. I imagine what they talk about at age 12 is somewhat different to what they talk about in year 5.

mummytime · 17/05/2011 06:41

It is covered in primary school. However as others have said it is sensible to recap in secondary for those: who missed it at primary, have forgotten most of it but now see the relevance etc. It is also part of year 7 Biology, in more detail than you probably know (eg. exactly which hormones are involved) and normally goes on to the Menopause.

Actually I think the fact that women's reproductive health is covered in great detail, but Men's is skimmed over is the biggest crime. (Why can't they at least mention testicular and prostate cancers?)

manicinsomniac · 17/05/2011 07:41

^^

It goes on in biology for years.

Quote from my year 10 biology teacer as he strode into the lab and banged his books down.
"This term's topic is reproduction, there will be absolutely no practicals"

Yukana · 17/05/2011 07:44

I learnt about puberty from about... year 6? I don't really think that was too late, it was about right, as the majority of my class didn't start their periods for example until they were 13-15 years old, and I started mine at 11.

SardineQueen · 17/05/2011 07:45

If it wasn't covered in primary school and it's in the national curriculum then maybe it's something to mention to them?

She may have been off the day they did it or something though.

Yes secondary school is too late.

aldiwhore · 17/05/2011 07:50

The 'talk' should happen in year 5 or 6 at Primary, or even sooner at home imo... its nothing to be scared of. My 7 year old knows that one day he'll get hairy and 'strange things will happen'. If I had a girl she'd probably already know about periods... only reason the boys don't know about them yet is because it hasn't really come up in conversation.

I think if I'd known roughly what would happen to me when I was younger I'd have been saved a lot of embarrassment and shame. I was 10 when I started my period, on a bus, thought I was dying, and was wearing yellow trousers (it was the 80's)..... once I'd got home and spoke to mum, I was fine, all fear gone, the unknown obliterated....

I look at the year 9/10 kids in my son's school and think they're grown up enough to have certain information available to them, and so close to puberty to know what's going to happen. YOu can save the 'drugs, sex, rock n roll' talk until high school, but puberty? Is that really a taboo subject for a 9 year old?

valiumredhead · 17/05/2011 07:50

Year 7 is as early as a secondary school can do this

Not here it doesn't! Girls get the period talk in yr (9 - 19 yrs old) and boys get 'the talk' in year 6.

valiumredhead · 17/05/2011 07:51

yr 5 - edit

Buda · 17/05/2011 07:58

At DS's school they do the talk in Year 6. He is currently in Year 5. We leave this summer and he will go to another school. I suppose I better check when the new school give the talk! If Year 5 he will have missed it.

DS is an only child and not 10 until August so I haven't told him anything yet. I do have some books for him to read and was going to give them to him over the summer.

Although DH had DS and 2 of his pals in the car on Saturday and they were talking about which girls at school wore bras. One of his pals has 2 older brothers and the other has an older sister.

And in this house it will be me doing the talk. DH would be hopeless.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 17/05/2011 08:02

Y5 here for the basics of puberty, Y6 for sex ed (although I don't know yet what they cover then).

I remember having The Talk in first year secondary (Y7 in new money) and asking the nurse if people could have sex without having babies (I knew full well that they could btw - I was being a little gobshite as per usual). She got in a right old state and told us we were all far too young to know about that kind of thing (result!).

Thing is, there were already girls having sex by the second year (Y8) and there was one pregnancy. So I rather think that she was wrong on the age point Hmm

seeker · 17/05/2011 08:12

And anyway, anyone who has a 7 year old who doesn't know the basics is not doing their job properly as a parent IMHO. It shouldn't be A TALK - it should be answers to questions, observation, little asides in normal conversation - it's information they should absorb as they go along. The lessons they get in year 5 and 6 of primary school (and if this hasn;t happened at your school they are not following the curriculum properly and should be pulled up on it) should jsut consilidate what they know already.

OddBoots · 17/05/2011 08:14

seeker, do you mean a 7 year old or a year 7?

nenevomito · 17/05/2011 08:15

As far as I'm aware its given in year 5 & 6 here and then you do the physical body in year 7 biology, which covers it as well.