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AIBU?

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Original poster

to think that Year 7 (1st yr secondary school) is TOO LATE to give "the talk" about puberty?

101 replies

MrsSchadenfreude · 16/05/2011 23:08

Should this not take place in primary school? DD1 is 12, and I am pretty sure that most of her friends have already started their periods and are wearing bras. And a not insignificant number of them started their periods when they were 10.

OP posts:
bonkers20 · 19/05/2011 13:27

aliceliddell you speak of extremes and in both cases the parents would have been aware of their child's early development. A menstruating girl would NOT be expected to change for PE with boys. I don't think these cases are a strong argument for arming our children within knowledge of condoms at age 7.

doley · 19/05/2011 13:37

I agree bonkers total extremes .

I do not want my son (7) to be taught about condoms at 7 Shock

OddBoots · 19/05/2011 14:33

Each child is different and are ready to know things at different ages although most are ready before secondary age. My two know a fair bit partly because I am a biology student and they like to know what I am reading, partly because I have had surrogate children and I don't want them misunderstanding how I got pregnant and partly because they are interested.

That said, dd is 8 and I have told her that there are ways or preventing pregnancy while still being able to have sex but she hasn't yet asked how so I'm leaving it a bit before giving more information, she also knows there are infections that can be caught through sex but again hasn't asked for details.

seeker · 19/05/2011 17:29

I just can't understand why people think ignorance is a good thing!

TallulahBetty · 19/05/2011 17:33

Yes, ABSOLUTELY too late.

I started my periods when I was 10. LUCKILY my mum had had the talk with me. But what if she hadn't?

A girl in my class was told NOTHING by her mum, as she was religious and did not 'believe' in talking about such things. I still feel awful for that girl - what if she had 'started' before school gave us the talk?

ohfuckohfuckohfuckduck · 19/05/2011 17:41

Far far too late.

DD1 is 12 - no periods yet but they are on the way (hormonal, spots, sore tummy)

Mind you, I've always been as honest as is age appropriate.

Even DD2 (who is 9) knows that mummy take tablets so that she doesn't have a baby.

What's wrong with explaining stuff in an age appropriate way?

doley · 19/05/2011 18:39

I think things should be done in an age appropriate way .

With things that are needed to be known at that age .

I don't think a 7 year old needs to know about condoms at all ,not for a good couple of years at least !

With my 12 year old I have alway been totally honest ,I haven't missed anything out ...if I have (by error) school takes over -unfortunately or not, as the case may be :)

There is a wide range of maturity in the 9-12 age bracket ,some kids can handle all the info undiluted ,some can't .

bonkers20 · 19/05/2011 21:58

seeker Ignorance is not a good thing, innocence is. A 7 year old is still a child. They can't be expected, nor do they need to know about EVERYTHING at that age. That goes for drugs, drink, sex and violence.

seeker · 19/05/2011 22:30

The trouble is people thing you have to be ignorant to be innocent. Of course they don;t have to know 'everything' at 7 - nor should they. But a basic knowledge of 'the facts of life" is essential - otherwise they will have no reason not to believe the half truths and rumours they will hear in the playground. There is a world of difference between telling them how babies are made and telling them about erotic auto-asphyxiation!

bonkers20 · 19/05/2011 22:43

Sorry Seeker, I was getting you confused with Maypole. I agree, a balance can be achieved. It's much easier to drip feed knowledge as they grow rather than sit them down at some age you deem appropriate and tell them the whole lot!

Olifin · 20/05/2011 01:36

Well, I posted a day or so ago, full of bluster about how I always answer sex questions honestly and then DD found my vibrator yesterday and was really taken with it (it is pink) and wanted to know what it was. I'm afraid that I simply could not think of an age-appropriate way to explain such a thing to a 5 year-old so had to make some (crap) excuses and confiscate the item.

Aside from that, she knows that women have periods and that's what makes them able to have babies (she has seen me dealing with my mooncup); she knows that sperm and egg have to meet to make a baby; that sperm come out of the end of a man's 'winkle' and into a lady's front bottom and that babies come out of there too. I think (hope) that's all she needs to know for now. I dread possible future moments when she might put 2 and 2 together re vibrators and look at me with horror and disgust.

valiumredhead · 20/05/2011 15:06

Olifin I would've dome exactly the same - it's NOT age appropriate for 5 year olds to know about vibrators so imo you did the right thing Grin

motherinferior · 20/05/2011 15:08

DD2 is seven and knows about condoms from her sister's What's Happening To Me book (this is the problem with literacy, you see). Doesn't seem to have affected her in any way. She just knows about condoms. You wouldn't spot her in a crowd as the Child Affected By Inappropriate Knowledge, really.

pointydog · 20/05/2011 15:27

What country are you in? Obviously not the usual sort of UK school. What is the country's view of sex ed? What do most parents do and think?

doley · 20/05/2011 16:24

mother what exactly does your 7 year old know about condoms ?(out of interest)
:)

Ormirian · 20/05/2011 16:25

Does seem a bit late. DD had the talk about periods etc in Yr6. Not that she need to learn a great deal from a teacher - she had learned most of it from her friends or from asking us

Dancergirl · 20/05/2011 16:26

Olifin - you could have told her it was an electric ear cleaner like on Parenthood! Smile

motherinferior · 20/05/2011 16:31

She knows that there are different forms of contraception and that one of them is a condom and how it works. As I say, she read it in DD1's 'what's happening to my body' Usborne book, the one that's widely recommended here on MN - and I think is very good; DD1 read it last year when she was 9, and obviously DD2 has picked it up and read it too. It doesn't seem, as I say, to have changed her life in any major way. She hasn't made her Sylvanians or build-a-bloody-bears enact any Inappropriate Situations or anything.

doley · 20/05/2011 16:38

Mother I would imagine that at 7 she has not taken it in properly ~not (obviously) in terms of her reading ability but in her understanding of it .

I can't believe she really knows how they work ie erect penis etc ...?

Does she ...?

Sounds like a good book BTW .

motherinferior · 20/05/2011 16:47

Well, it's quite simple really - condoms stop sperm escaping into the woman's body. She knows that much. I have not quizzed her about her knowledge of erections. I don't have a problem with her knowing about these either. None of it's exactly ground-breaking stuff - 'the man's penis has to get stiff to go into the woman's body'.

Like Seeker says: Basics.

Body changes. Male and female needed to make a baby. Roughly how it works. Importance of love and relationships. Only for grown ups. Where baby comes out.
Boys can love boys and girls can love girls.

motherinferior · 20/05/2011 16:49

oh, though I modified those basics slightly to explain you need things from a man's body and woman's body, in order to clarify how those girls who love girls have a baby. Otherwise they get terribly confused about lesbian mothers.

doley · 20/05/2011 16:53

Oh,Thanks mother:)

I said similar things to my eldest boy (a few years back now) I was interested to see how the book gave the info .

I might use it with DS7 who is a lot less nosy than his big brother lol Grin

Original poster
MrsSchadenfreude · 20/05/2011 18:16

MI - O can quote extensively from that book!!

We have a condom machine outside the pharmacy on the corner of our street. Both DDs know what they are for - to catch the sperm so that you don't have to have a baby when you have sex, and also to prevent you catching nasty diseases.

DD2 (who is 10) asked why there was a machine for condoms, when you can buy them in the pharmacy. I said that sometimes you want to have sex when the pharmacy is shut. Oh, she said. Like when you meet someone in a night club that you really, really like? Err, yes, I said. Exactly...

OP posts:
motherinferior · 20/05/2011 18:33

Ahem Blush, yes, quite. Precisely.

Fennel · 20/05/2011 19:11

They don't have to "really" take it in "properly though, if they know a lot of it from a young age, then it seeps in and isn't a big deal. My dds are also rather well informed on this sort of thing, and if I hadn't been quite free with the information they'd have learned it all anyway from my niece, child of two doctors, they are not shy about our bodily functions. And we have that very good "what's happening to me?" book. They all peruse that with serious interest on a regular basis.

But they take it at their own level, my 7yo takes in bits, comes back and sometimes asks about more. My 9yo takes in more, my 11yo different again. the point is they often ask about sex etc, we don't mind at all talking about it, and so it doesn't become something we need to Have The Talk about.