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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to go on a holiday without the children?

40 replies

Naetha · 16/05/2011 14:43

DH and I have two beautiful children, 3 and a half, and 18 months. They're great, but relentless - very very active, challenging etc - normal kids basically.

DH and I are totally worn out - we try and give the other a break, but what we actually want/need is a break together. We've had the odd meal out and trip to the cinema, but if anything that compounds the issue as we end up having a late night and miserable and grumpy when the kids pile in at 6am.

AIBU to ask my Dad (who is great with the kids, looked after them before etc) to look after the kids for a week so we can have a proper beach holiday? We've never been able to afford a foreign holiday before, so it would really be a massive treat for us.

Or am I being selfish?

OP posts:
cantspel · 16/05/2011 14:47

depends on the age of your dad, his health and fitness and whether he would want to be left in charge of 2 small children for a week.

LaurieFairyCake · 16/05/2011 14:51

That's a massive favour, could he cope?

Personally I would take them and put them in a kids club all day - or hire a weekend nanny and go to a local b&b so you can pop back if there's a problem.

Lots of sympathy though - not getting a proper break or getting to go out is hard!

thisisyesterday · 16/05/2011 14:55

hmm personally, yes, i think it's a little selfish.

am going to say one of those things that always gets jumped on, but you chose to have the children, and IMO you have to accept that while they are young things are tough,.

if you want time together then get someone to olook after them one afternoon, that way you don't stay up late and get grumpy in the morning.

i think a week is a long time for someone to look after 2 small children, and i think that it might be hard for them too.
if one of them was very upset/unsettled would you be prepared to go back? would your dad feel he couldn't ask you to because he wouldn't wnat to disturb you?

or another solution could be to take your dad (or someone else) on holiday with you and the kids that way they can babysit sometimes, but it isn't as full on?

ThisIsMySobriquet · 16/05/2011 14:56

Why don't you just discuss it with him and see what he says?

mycatoscar · 16/05/2011 14:58

if you think your dad would be willing to take them for a week then you can only ask

i have left dd with my mum for weekends twice now while me and dh went away just the 2 of us. I would go for a week at a stretch but dont think my mum would agree to it!

dd's little friend stays with her nan every school holiday for at least a week and is also staying with them for 2 weeks while my firend and her dp go abroad - I am very jealous of the nice holiday but not sure I could quite justify going away for that long without dd.

we are like you, hardly ever get a proper break and lathough I am a teacher I have dd full time everyday every holiday and it does get me down that I never get me time, and neither does dh. I say if you have a willing and able relative and are happy to leave them then YANBU at all!

onepieceofcremeegg · 16/05/2011 14:58

I wouldn't do a full week personally. (but I don't think you are wrong for considering it, if your dad is fit and well enough to manage)

One of my friends had 2 children 1.5 years apart, and also her dh had 3 children from a former marriage so 5 children in total. Several times a year she and her dh took all of the children on holiday, 1 also had sn so as you might imagine they weren't able to relax the whole time they were away!

Once a year she and her dh went on holiday alone for a week. Her mother looked after the children. She got loads of unwanted and uninvited comments from people in rl. I always said to her "good for you" and was happy for her. However some other so-called friends were clearly jealous and very judgy about it.

Dinosaurhunter · 16/05/2011 14:59

Agree with everything thisisyesterday said !

Surely a weekend away would be better to start with ?

firsttimer84 · 16/05/2011 15:00

my mum and dad went away without me quite often when i was young (only one of me though) i loved it and so did i. They said it was my holiday with nana and luckily nana enjoyed it as well! I dont think your being unreasonable to want a break, im 22 weeks preg with my first and if hes anything like my husband when he was young we're going to need holidays without him! It depends on whether your dad can cope with a week though, maybe have along weekend first to trial?

tiredemma · 16/05/2011 15:01

Try a long weekend first.

hattyyellow · 16/05/2011 15:02

I agree, maybe go for a long weekend? I find even a night away with DH (well when it's happened twice in nearly 6 years) can be massively refreshing. I think a week is a long time for someone to look after two kids so young. And you might feel you can't switch off as you worry more than you think about how it's all going...

I do sympathise though - we have no family nearby who can help and our youngest is still a bit young to leave with friends. I long for some time off!

geordieminx · 16/05/2011 15:05

We went skiing for a week last month and left ds 4 with my mum.

She sees it as a treat ti have him as she lives 150 miles away, and he loves her to bits. (she is early 50's though)

Personally I found a week too long to be away (8nights ib total) and it spolit the holiday a little.

Could you not go to somewhere like barcelona or the balerics for 5 nights? It would probably be more relaxing.

Although as somone else mentioned, simple solution would be to take your dad away too..that's what we are doing next week when we go to Tenerife.

IAmTheCookieMonster · 16/05/2011 15:06

when DS is older I plan to send him for a "holiday at nana's house" so DH and I can go away. If your dad enjoys having your children then its a great deal for everyone :-)

Knackeredmother · 16/05/2011 15:11

Would your dad cope? My dc are the same age as yours and my dad a fit 60, but he would struggle to have them for one evening (not that he ever would).
I could be you writing your post but there is no way I'd leave my kids for a week. Like someone else said, we chose to have them.
A night would be good though..........

Potplant · 16/05/2011 15:13

We left my DCs with my PILs for 4 days when we went for a weekend in Madrid. It was great.

A week would be a bit too much to ask of them (and mine are older)

CogitoErgoSometimes · 16/05/2011 15:21

YANBU I've been on holiday before and met grandparents with all their grandchildren in tow 'to give mum and dad a break'. My own parents look after DS for a occasional weeks in the school holidays. They all love the time together. As yours are quite small, start off with a weekend, maybe and see how it goes. Sometimes all you need is a few days to recharge the batteries.

pickyourbrain · 16/05/2011 15:26

Wow, I am shocked that people didn't pile in and say GO FOR IT! I'm sure OP has thought about whether her dad could cope already. And it's only a week.

We went to an all inclusive holiday village thing when ours were younger thinking they'd go to the club and give us a break but in reality, some days they wont want to go, even if they do go you have to keep an eye on the time and stay where you have said you'll be. They still get tired in the evening, and they still get up at 6am! As for a hotel or B&B and a childminder... PAH! What about the essential ingredient... nookie?! it's no mean feat to manage that with two preschoolers on a pullout bed laying next to you.

Do it, and do it in style. Life is short.

maighdlin · 16/05/2011 15:29

YANBU if your dad is willing to do it why not?

I'm going away in september and my mother nearly cried when i told her that DH was taking the time off work, she had assumed she would have DD the 10 days. Maybe your dad is like my mum, she dropped hints about us going out on the friday night after we came home from hospital, i had a caesarian fgs woman! so she sneaked into the house one morning at about half six took DD downstairs and left me and DH sleeping. If she wasn't my mum i would of had her sectioned. if your dad is like my mum (without the mad behaviour just obsessed with her GCs) and is happy enough to do it then book immediately.

TheVisitor · 16/05/2011 15:32

If your dad is willing and capable of doing it, then go for it! Just because you have children doesn't mean that you have to sacrifice every vestige of yourself, and if you have the chance to recharge your batteries, it's all the better for your family. Your kids won't even remember you doing in later years.

MumblingRagDoll · 16/05/2011 15:33

Well unless he's under 45 then YABU. I'm 38....fit and healthy and my 2 kds are MASSIVE work. I would never ask a Granparent to look afer them for a week.

majortonk · 16/05/2011 15:33

I don't think YABU, my parents looked after DS for several weeks sometimes when I went abroad, although it was mostly things like study trips or holiday courses which meant I couldn't take him along. They were in their 40s and had loads of energy, and were more than happy to spend time with him.

If your dad is happy with it, I wouldn't be bothered about what anyone else thinks. You're a parent now, not a martyr, and as long as your children are happy, you don't have to give up all your chances of having fun in life.

pickyourbrain · 16/05/2011 15:34

When i separated from DD's dad it was my mum's primary concern that as he and i were sharing care, I wouldnt need her to babysit anymore. When i holiday without the kids now (1 long weekend and 1 full week a year) now, her dad has her... mum is Sad

Sidge · 16/05/2011 15:37

If your dad is happy and can cope then go for it.

We went away for a week when DD1 was little - she had a holiday with her granny and grandad and we had a very relaxing week in France with friends.

They had a ball with her, she had a whale of a time with them, and we came back refreshed, relaxed and rejuvenated. It meant we had also had some very precious time together as US instead of just being mum and dad all the time.

I'd love to do it again but we have 3 girls now and the grandparents couldn't cope with them for a week. Make the most of it whilst you can!

Blondeshavemorefun · 16/05/2011 15:39

go and enjoy

it will do you and dh the world of good and be naetha and mr naetha again and not mum and dad

and sure dc will be totally spolit loved by grandad :)

GwendolineMaryLacey · 16/05/2011 15:39

A week is a long time. My parents and PIL are fit and healthy and look after dd while I'm at work but a solid week would shag them out, they'd never cope with it. My BIL has left his children with MIL for a week (6 and 4) and she was in bits at the end of it by her own admission. I'd say a weekend was best all round.

ilovedora27 · 16/05/2011 15:39

I dont think all 45 year olds+ struggle with looing after young children. I dont see anything wrong with going away. My mum and dad went away and i was left with GPS for a holiday to egypt and my nan was in her 70s. My parents also do weekends for us and a night most weeks and they never struggle. Enjoy yourself