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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I recently saw the most PECULIAR thing...

428 replies

BlooferLady · 15/05/2011 21:52

I saw the oddest thing the other day and can't stop thinking about what in the name of all that's holy and precious was going on. AIBU to ask you what you think, so I can get some sleep?

I was waiting for someone outside the British Library on Euston Rd. Beside me a casually dressed man was making a placating phone call, and anxiously watching the road. He was holding a clipboard and a small white envelope, and carrying an ordinary blue cool-box, such as you might use for a picnic.

Eventually a flustered looking couple turned up. They were both in their early 40s, and looked fairly well-to-do. They were obviously rather anxious, possibly because they were late, and relieved to see Clipboard Man. I couldn't hear what they were saying no matter how hard I tried, but I could see Clipboard Man being sort of authoritative and reassuring. He kept gesturing to the cool-box, and handed over the envelope with some ceremony. The woman said nothing, only continued to look rather anxious.

Clipboard Man then hailed a cab. The man in the couple protested mildly, but the other man said something along the lines of it all being sorted and paid for, and ushered the woman in. She sat on the edge of the seat clutching the white envelope. Clipboard man leaned into the cab to give the driver instructions, and had what looked like a reassuring and authoritative word with the man. The man patted Clipboard Man's shoulder once or twice in a gesture that looked sort of grateful, in a business-like fashion, then got into the cab next to his partner. Clipboard Man then put the cool-box onto the floor of the cab, slammed the door, had one last brisk word with the driver, and waved the cab off.

He then made one or two notes on the clipboard, and hurried back along the Euston Rd without looking back.

WTF was that all about then?! I damn nearly ran after Clipboard Man to ask, but thought if there was owt dodgy going on I might be found strung up by piano wire somewhere...

OP posts:
InPraiseOfBacchus · 18/05/2011 13:32

My first thought was trade of illegal pets. Perhaps reptiles or fish.

Lunabelly · 18/05/2011 14:26

A komodo dragon! A very small komodo dragon, that is...

LittleOneMum · 18/05/2011 15:08

Thank the Lord for this thread. I have laughed until I cried. Jeez. And the baby toupee website ...

BlooferLady · 18/05/2011 15:11

OH DEAR LORD!!!!!

I just popped in from my dreary existence my fabulous life to take a look at this and check you maniacs out Grin

OP posts:
Lunabelly · 18/05/2011 15:12

I'm not sure what disturbed me most about that mental picture.

Probably the reptile bukkake.

Ariesgirl · 18/05/2011 15:19

I saw some blue coolboxes for sale in Tesco's yesterday. How I smirked to myself.

Lunabelly · 18/05/2011 16:28

They will now, in my tiny mind, forever be linked to saurian jizz-bandits who traffick organs.

BlooferLady · 18/05/2011 16:48

Saurian jazz-bandits Grin

OP posts:
BlooferLady · 18/05/2011 16:48

That would've been a lot less amusing.

OP posts:
Lunabelly · 18/05/2011 16:52

Well, now I'll have trouble keeping a straight face whilst watching V.

Gster · 18/05/2011 19:54

Perhaps a mans logic is needed here.

The event happened outside the british library. A place where experts work who know about valuable and old books The couple were flustered perhaps late and in a hurry. They were due to meet inside but being late for another appointment phoned ahead to meet outside. The authorative man was an expert on books. The 'ice box' was perhaps climate controlled to protect a valuable very old book/s or manuscript from temperature and moisture. The envelope contained a document from the library detailing / confirming the experts findings. And he insisted they take it home in a cab....

Elementary my dear watson

Lunabelly · 18/05/2011 19:57

Nonononono. Saurian bukakke liver smuggling.

PinotGrigiosKittens · 18/05/2011 19:57

By jove I think you've got it!

Finallyspring · 18/05/2011 20:23

I've been sitting on the naughty bench for a couple of days after being rude to someone on another thread.

Anyway I AM BACK and really,seriously want to get down to business and solve this goddam infernal mystery.

OK. We can rule out organ trafficking, embryos or body parts because it's just not funny
So, it's either:

  1. Small komodo dragons
  2. Sperm
  3. a dissertation
  4. Rare book/manuscript
  5. Cake
  6. Meringue

And those under suspicion are :

  1. Men wearing navy fleeces
  2. George Clooney
  3. Sicilian Mafia (allegedly)
  4. Russians (allegedly)
  5. 1930s gangsters
  6. Parents of teenagers
  7. Cake/meringue makers
  8. Owners of cool boxes/clipboards

We need to shift through this mass of conjecture, because somewhere inside it is the key.

Now I've got to put the children to bed get on with setting up the command centre again. I am now handing over to the combined intelligence of MN.

Samjam10 · 18/05/2011 20:29

I swore blind to myself that I would not get re involved with this most dangerous of threads. But I find I NEED to be part of Command HQ. And am disturbingly full of theories. tries hard to get a life, and fails

Finallyspring · 18/05/2011 22:02

Indeed it is dangerous samjam but She Who Dares Wins. You've been pond dipping with Brownies, you've taken a walk on the wild side, you can think outside the box. Command HQ needs people like you.

Does anybody have a man about who could knock up something with his tools ? I'm thinking of a large chart on a table top on which we can have figures representing all the major players in this fiendish intrigue. We can move the figures around with a large pushy stick as we plan strategies to ensnare them.

We also need the following items for command HQ:

  1. Lots of cigarettes to smoke furiously and make the air all foggy
  2. Hats with visors
  3. Shirts with sleeves you can roll up
  4. Strong alcohol
  5. Red lipstick

We went down the wrong track last time with the satelitte dishes and microwaves and what not. We need to get back to basics with old fashioned cunning and intelligence.

Let's start with dissecting the theories we have so far ...

Samjam10 · 18/05/2011 22:08

I can do the smoking for the team - from reading mumsnet, I feel sure you will have scant volunteers for this role.

Finallyspring · 18/05/2011 22:23

I was hoping to do the smoking but if I have to I'll do the strong alcohol instead.

All DHs DPs DCs etc. must be removed from the vicinity forthwith. Tell them it's a matter of national emergency. I'm sure they'll understand.

Meanwhile we need agents on the ground. Going about their everyday business in and around the British Museum cafe but alert to the traces and subtle signs that the cool box gang are in operation.

This calls for ingenious costumes and clever devices. Radio receivers disguised as hats etc.

Lunabelly · 19/05/2011 08:27

I shall cunningly disguise my cats as small komodo dragons. Their codenames will be Keith, Arnie and Shitbiscuit. Then I shall use them as bait.

BlooferLady · 19/05/2011 08:33

Look, obviously I don't want to have to lay my life on the line, but I'm willing to take on the smoking, and the wearing of red lipstick .

I am also willing to sit in an underground speakeasy nursing a gin and talking to likely-looking coves in trenchcoats with upturned collars.

OP posts:
Lunabelly · 19/05/2011 08:39

I'm a reformed smoker, hence providing bait.

BlooferLady · 19/05/2011 08:50

Someone is going to have to arrange to bukkake Shitbiscuit. I can't spare the OM - I need all his jizz for my own purposes.

OP posts:
Finallyspring · 19/05/2011 09:23

I was thinking of disguising hats, but disguising CATS is much much better. Disguising them as komodo dragons is genius.

I thought bloofer had started communicating in code and googled bukkake shitbiscuit. This has thrown me right off track for a while.

Perhaps we should begin with the least scary options. Meringues are a good start. What could be the reason for transporting a meringue in a cool box with utmost care. Think laterally.

btw Bloofer can you pm me the address of the underground speakeasy where I can drink gin ?

Finallyspring · 19/05/2011 09:55

Ok, I've found my way to the underground speakeasy now and I need to make contact with the rest of the team.Are you there ? I can't see anything because samjam has smoked her way through the 200 pack of silk cut.

I have some VERY IMPORTANT evidence with me but can't reveal it because of the super injunction. Please use the secret code to make yourselves known and all will be disclosed

I think a komodo dragon just brushed against my leg. Are you there ? Are you there ?

Lunabelly · 19/05/2011 10:10

I have an ultraviolet jizz detector light, like wot they use in CSI. (I am a science nerd) (who is trying to find the tomcat piss)

I shall use it to track down the jizz.

It's fecking useless for finding cats cunningly disguised as komodo dragons though.

And never google bukkake shitbiscuit

Because that's how THEY will find you...

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