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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To send DD to school with her homework not done?

80 replies

MumblingRagDoll · 15/05/2011 16:15

She's in year 2 and every weekend is a nightmare...chivvying, threatning, wheedling and explaining about why she must learn her spellings, read her book and do her worksheet.

Today I have managed to get her to do less than half of what is expected. I feel that she should do it....she's on a full bursary at an independant prep. and I feel some pressure to get her to perform....I have not been TOLD that she must do well....but we were given a bursary (unconditional) when we almost left due to a massively bad year and couldn't afford it any more....they said she showed huge promise....she isn't even 7 yet and she's so fricking unbelievably stubborn.

I could cry. DH won't make her as he says "Send her without...let her get in trouble." but I as I said, feel some duty....AIBU to write a note to her teacher about all this or should I just send her with it all half finished and let her do the talking?

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Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 15/05/2011 16:17

Plus I am not being funny but other than the fact that she is extremely articulate and a good little crafter, she is not yet showing any signs of being academic...I feel odd about it all....where is this "Promise"??? Her reports have been good...but more about her improving rather than leaping ahead in eveything.

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LIZS · 15/05/2011 16:19

I would n't force it tbh. She will be come more stubborn if you do and/or it will be done at a minimal level .

rainbowinthesky · 15/05/2011 16:19

Sounds like a lot of pressure on her. Dd is in Y2 in a state school and doing very well without that sort of pressure on any of us. Not sure I'd want your situation tbh.

Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 15/05/2011 16:21

Well she doesn't know about the bursary rainbow. I don't e ven think she realises she's at a private school. I've never told her...seemed an odd thing to do iyswim.

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Oblomov · 15/05/2011 16:23

why not mention to to teacher ? My friend did. and her son adores the headmistress. so when head came to talk to him about what a capable star she knew he was, in one of those softly softly, encouraging headmistress type chats, that some people just have the skill to do, it did more good that hours and hours of nagging by frustrated mum.

atswimtwolengths · 15/05/2011 16:24

Can you treat them not as homework, but as something that's fun to learn?

Can you buy her a little whiteboard to write her spellings on? Put them on index cards and shuffle them and she has to spell the word?

Why doesn't she like reading her book? Does she feel under pressure? Do you ask her to do it when she's in the middle of having fun?

AgentZigzag · 15/05/2011 16:26

I can see both the sides you're talking about.

I thought about taking the route to let DD1 either motivate herself to do her homework herself, or face the flack at school, which tbh is non existant for not handing in homework.

But I didn't because I didn't want her getting any ideas about just leaving stuff if she didn't fancy doing it.

I'm in partnership with the school to try and do what they ask of me at home, so if they send work, then as her parent I have to get her to do it, not just take the easy way out and send it in half finished.

Not a good signal to send out to her IMO.

AgentZigzag · 15/05/2011 16:28

Over using 'herself' there Grin

sleepingsowell · 15/05/2011 16:29

Mumbling, please relax - I'm sure the teachers are seeing a holistic longer term potential in her, they're experienced and have seen a million kids through their doors no doubt. You don't need to worry about it to this extent and get her to 'perform' right this second.

Your stress and difficulties with homework will only be stripping away any love of learning she has imho.

I think all you need to do is have a word with the teacher and say that she is really hating the homework - the teacher may have some helpful suggestions that you haven't even considered at this stage.

Personally, I would be telling the teacher that I am putting a 15 minute timer on and once that time is up, homework is 'done'. But then I hate homework for this age group and think it's ridiculous and is purely a sop to unimaginative parents who think that having homework is a sign of a good school and a good education.

exoticfruits · 15/05/2011 16:29

I just used to say 'fine don't do it-but you can tell Miss X' . It worked every time-they looked at me,knew I meant it, and got on with it. It is attention seeking and making sure you are involved. Don't play the game.

Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 15/05/2011 16:31

I feel like you AgenZ...that it's my job to help her learn to work under her own steam. i have tried everything to make it fun....I never get anywhere....I said today "How will you feel if you get a low score in your spelling test?" and she said "It doesn't matter!"

Sad

I worry about her not wanting to work....I was one of those keen kids who did extra work so can't understand her attitude.

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WobblyWidgetOnTheScooper · 15/05/2011 16:31

If she's struggling maybe it's the wrong school for her. Private education isn't always best.

Have you thought about local state schools?

cannydoit · 15/05/2011 16:33

its hardly the end of the world, i think homework is a bit of a meh thing for kids this age. teachers can get funny about it. let them.

Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 15/05/2011 16:33

sleeping that's all I can think...that they've seen so many kids that they see something which hasn't come out yet..but it's quite an academic place so I worry that she'll struggle in juniors.

Is it bad to offer pocket money in return for working?

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sleepingsowell · 15/05/2011 16:33

Agent, I think alot of people worry about what message they are sending etc and the child not having to do stuff they don't fancy but I think that's wrong personally; most children spend alot of their school life doing, and finishing, things they don't like or fancy.

My ds hates maths and PE, yet he does the maths EVERY DAY and the PE twice weekly. This is teaching him alot about applying himself and about the fact that life is not all about the things we like or WANT to do. He would rather not wear school uniform - he does. He would rather not work with 'john' who is annoying and talks all the time so that DS can't focus - but he does. He would rather not go to school at all really - he goes each and every day; he would like to read his star wars book instead of 'biff and chip' - he doesn't - etc etc etc.

I really don't think we need to allow home to be used to hammer down that message even more, personally.

Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 15/05/2011 16:34

wobbly all our state schools are full....for miles around and who in their right mind would turn down a free private education because their 6 year old was having a hard time with homework?

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AgentZigzag · 15/05/2011 16:35

When DD1 first had to do homework, you should have seen her outrage at the realisation I could tell her to get on with schoolwork quietly and without getting up all the time!

Before that school and home had been seperate in her head, and it was an almighty crash when they came together Grin

5318008 · 15/05/2011 16:36

I wouldn't offer pocket money at yr 2

what will you have in reserve for 11+, O levels (not the right name for them nowadays) and A levels

send a note in with incomplete HW

Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 15/05/2011 16:36

sleeping But I lways alow my DC''s a lot of freedom in general..I dont think half a hour of homework on a weekend is asking too much...and that is all it would take if she would only sit and do it!

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Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 15/05/2011 16:37

Agntz I have seen some discomfort at the two meeting...she looks like this Hmm when I say certain phrases and I think "I bet her teacher has said that!"

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rainbowinthesky · 15/05/2011 16:38

I would if my dd were struggling (private isnt the be all and end all) but it doesnt sound like she is struggling in school.

Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 15/05/2011 16:39

She's not rainbow....shes happy and works well in school....skips in with not a care in the world...and I have seen a couple of kids who didn't fit in and who were moved..I think a parent knows if that's a step to be considered.

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BunnyWunny · 15/05/2011 16:40

I give my dd (age 5 in y1 ) extra pocket money if she gets all her spellings correct and does her homework well. I don't think it's wrong really. We as adults know that hard works reaps monetary rewards, children can learn this too which will stand them in good stead for the future .

AgentZigzag · 15/05/2011 16:41

Just be persistent and ignore all the woe is me/you're a slave driver/oh, how cruel is my life, crap, she'll soon get the message Grin

Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 15/05/2011 16:41

I might go and see her and tell her that if she does NOT do it then I will in fact dock her savings....is that a terrible idea? Or better than offering cash?

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