Ashamed - state of my house AIBU?

[handsoffmycake]

Growing up our house was really filthy, so much so we had beetles in food cupboards, whole house smelt of wee and nothing ever really got cleaned. It was awful and I could never invite friends around as I was so ashamed.

Fast forward to my own home now as a grown up and I am still not able to invite anyone back as I am still ashamed of my own house. Though its no-where near as bad as what I grew up with.

Its a largish old victorian terrace, I have 2DC under 3s (nearly) and a dog who maults all the time. It doesn't seem to matter how much I clean, things get messy so fast. I am not just talking about toys everywhere and oodles of washing, I mean things like dusting and mud splashes all over etc. It really gets me down.

Not only that we have very very little money and due to circumstances out of my control our finances will not be improving for a while. As a result our house really needs decorating but we cannot afford it. Our front room window was replaced recently (we are private rented) and we cannot afford to buy new curtains or rail so we have a large throw nailed across the bay that I tie in the middle in the day. Its like a doss house!

Everything is so dated and depressing and I am sure it adds to my depression. I feel if I invite someone back they will look at my home and judge me (in a bad way)

What I am asking is AIBU to think this? I do struggle with depression and I do not know if I am too sensitive to this issue. Will anyone actually care what my home looks like (as long as its as tidy and clean as I can get it?)

I would love to be able to say to people "would you like to pop to mine for a cuppa?" but I cant.

I know exactly how you feel! Two big dogs, a toddler and a man who does nothing very little to help out in a small house. My only advice would be to keep things tried away, clean what you can when you can (a little bit of cleaning is always better than none)

Then, invite someone close to you round first, you will see it doesn't matter. people come to see you, not your home.

My house isn't great, my health means I'm unable to clean as much as I'd like, and tbh, I hate cleaning it.
I don't bother though, so long as it's relatively tidy and not mouldy!

My friends don't mind, they always get tea/coffee and home made baking when they come round, and a warm welcome.

If anyone was bothered, I'd show them to the door!

It's my home, if you don't like it, leave.

I think I have msged everyone who offered me things. I thankyou all! If I missed you I am sorry! Must run its bedtime. Will be back tomorrow morning at latest.

I will freely admit to being a bit anal about cleaning BUT I would never judge another parent if their house was untidy.

(I would if it was unsanitary, which is a completely different thing)

I have 2 young dc and its a constant struggle to stay on top of things...its why I could never have a pet....I just couldnt bear the thought of all the extra cleaning it would neccessitate

I am sorry things are so tight for you atm....Its not fun

When we were first married we had nothing...well, except a bed and a cd player and a hairdryer We were lent/given everything else and I remember asking my mum for some old blankets I could put up at the bedroom window til we could get some curtains - she gave me a couple. We got home, put them up and........they were cellular ones and full of holes!!!!

I second the registering with freecyle idea....I give loads of stuff to my local one...I hate clutter so if its not in use, its out the door!

Perhaps if you have lots of stuff/baby stuff you dont use/dont need anymore you could e bay it? That may give you enough money to buy a pole and curtains?

Good luck

It sounds all right, to be honest. When we had our dog, the constant moulting really got to me, as you could always see the hair and it clogged up the hoover etc. but after a number of years we realised that the dog (rescue dog so we never were sure of breed) actually needed trimming twice a year as well as brushing, so taking her to a proper dog groomer helped no end.

Yanbu. I'm the same about my house, it's tiny, and there's no where to put anything! The cupboard under the stairs is overflowing with toys, when you open the door they all come tumbling out. We have no carpet on the stairs even though we've lived here for 3 years as we can't afford one. The stairs are also cluttered with shoes as there's no where to store everyone's bloody shoes. Our bedroom is like a shit tip as we can't afford a wardrobe, our chests of drawers are falling apart as they're stuffed with clothes, the curtain rails constantly fall down under the weight of the curtains because yes we can't afford new ones. The kids' room is so cluttered because it's tiny, and filled with 2 beds and yet more toys. I'm also a lazy bitch bad housekeeper and don't hoover or dust as much as I should.

I used to feel the same as you.We bought the cheapest,grottiest house in a lovely,very expensive village and for years we had no curtains,a barely functional kitchen [two cupboards and a rusty 20yr old cooker] ,a bathroom with plaster falling off the walls and horrible floor.It has taken 6 years to get it looking decent.I used cheap bedsheets and dust sheets as curtains until I could afford better.I stopped worrying about the mess when my vv wealthy neighbour invited me to her huge newly renovated house-it was far more untidy than mine,and she was at home all day and had a cleaner

try not to worry - we've all had issues with our homes at one point or another, OP. We moved to our new place a few months ago, water was leaking from the bathroom and the ceiling nearly caved in, so there's a huge mess in the hallway where people walk in. Total disaster zone! However, I am aware that it's getting fixed very soon, so not bothering too much about it.
In the immediate future though, if the curtain issue is bothering you, I'd probably do what a few other PP's have suggested and check out your Freegle website or even some of the charity shops for curtains or curtain pole/rails. It's amazing what you can pick up, and how cheaply.

You could just meet in neutral territory until you get the curtains sorted (not that other people should be bothering about this detail, but it's what bothers you, so if it makes you feel better wait until you've dressed the window).

And I agree with most others in that it's blinkin' difficult to keep on top of the cleaning with two small DC. I do a little each day, and accept I just cannot do it all.

There's a diffrence between a house that untidy/ a bit messy and one thats not hygeinic, one thats a home and one thats a souless showhouse

Took me years to figure that

I had a friend whose house was spotless, neutral up to date decor, no toys lying around. I did envy that
My house was always cluttered, full of the kids and their pals, never quite tidy
My clean friend would allow 1 toy at a time, one friend at a time, hover to get your cup as you finished drinking so's she could wash up, she'd never settle to have a blether as she'd be jumping up to tidy, get the wash away, make sure the kids didnt untidy anything
It wasn't relaxing to be there and now my daughter is older she's told me how although she liked her young friend it wasn't nice to visit, to be on edge the whole time about "making a mess"

So relax
deal with it a little at a time

As has been said those big blue Ikea bags are great
I still use one for putting the stuff to be ironed in

if you have a few spare pounds a solution for bay windows is to treat each window induvidually
use those expandible net rods like these cgi.ebay.co.uk/24%22-40%22-%2f-60CM---100CM-EXPANDING-NET-CURTAIN-ROD-BNIP-_W0QQitemZ260467124052QQcmdZViewItem?rvr_id=232273826373&clk_rvr_id=232271437123&imp_rvr_id=232271437123&clk_rvr_id=232271437123&cguid=effc433012f0a0a9f5838d23fff855f5 or wire, one lot to each window
get lightweight curtains such as these www.ikea.com/gb/en/catalog/products/60043596
you dont need to use the tab top, make a hole just under the tabs and poke the curtain rod through

cup hooks to hold the tie backs or use a bit string or ribbon

Another thing to do is limit the amount of toys
it can be overwhelming for the wee ones to have a lot of stuff
put some away for a few weeks either blue ikea bag or suitcase on top of wardrobe
if you see stuff they're bored of put it away and bring out a "new" toy

boxes are brilliant for chucking everything in for quick tidy up
either big colourful plastic one or even cardboard which you get the kids to help" decorate"

sheets and throws for furniture, whip one off and put in machine put another on to make setee or chair look fresh

It's hard when dealing with depression to deal with the house
but it may not be as bad as you think, you are associating negative things, like the smell of wee and you being ashamed as a child, with your present home,
bet your house doent smell of wee, bet its not so bad

as for decorating, difficult with little money and kids
do a wall at a time
clear it, clean it, ie wash it down ceiling to floor
now does it need a lick of paint?
if so do that wall, if not put pix, posters up

when you have time or a free evening do the next wall

Oh also meant to say
single sheets work as curtain with those curtain rods
poke a hole through the hem , thread rod through
and again use cup hooks to hold a ribbon as a tie back

Feck the house, it's you and your family who count. I'd be happy to visit you.

if you have a wilkinsons near you you can get cheap rails, i have a massive open bay window and have a rail across the top so on a night when i close the curtains it closes the bay out, cheap than buying a bending rail or rails to ocver each window. i only have one pair of curtains for my living room if i had more i would send you some. sorry.

I thnk that you sound lovely, sensitive and caring of others. When I was at home with my kids I would love to get invited to others' and when I did, was thrilled that they were not showhomes but warm and welcoming places where me and kids could relax.
And I know how my environwmnt affects me, so as other people have said. keep one room a bit tidy. then I feel more in control.