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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell DH I am getting a cat no matter what he says?

84 replies

MumblingRagDoll · 13/05/2011 10:13

We have 2 DC....aged 3 and 6. Both DH and I love all animals...he especially likes dogs and I have always said I wanted a cat before we got a dog as it works best that way. He has remained ambivelant about it.

Now I have the chance to rescue a beautiful Siamese...he is putting up barriers.

He says the cat will fight with the neighbours cats and it will leave hair everywhere....wtf? Cats and dogs DO leave hair in places and this is part of having a pet.......I just told him that this is something I have always wanted and that I want to get the cat.

He says "No, no...I'll find you a nice dog...don't get the cat"

I can't see why he's doing this? We often look around for suitable dogs and have not yet found the right one for us....but I have found the right cat....why is he being a pain? I have told him I AM going to see the cat today and that if I like it I will tell them that I want it.

Arse! I am an adult, I had no present for MOthers day or my Birthday and I think he needs to let me get the cat. I have also agreed not to have any more DC....even though I would like three....he doesn't feel he can cope with another child so fine! I'm getting a cat.

Angry
OP posts:
Mumwithadragontattoo · 13/05/2011 10:17

YABU to bring a pet into your home when your DH doesn't want it.

Please talk to him again and persuade him how nice it would be. Even say you will take on most of the care if you could. If he remains against having a cat then that has to be the final decision.

Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 13/05/2011 10:18

No.

Why should he deny me this when hee frigging loves cats!

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 13/05/2011 10:20

I think when you make the comittment to get a pet, you both have to be in agreement otherwise it is unfair on the animal.

Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 13/05/2011 10:20

And why does he say he will find me a dog intead? Because it's what HE wants most!

OP posts:
issey6cats · 13/05/2011 10:20

can see your hubbys point of view (i have a dog and my hubby dosent like dogs) but go for it siamese are georgous cats almost human and hopefully once the cat is in your house he will fall in love with him/her you will probably find that because hes not keen the cat will come to him anyway because cats always go to the person who is trying to ignore them cos curiosity gets the better of them , i have a half siamese (was born to a feral mom) and he is the gentlest most affectionate cat and stunning looking

bubblecoral · 13/05/2011 10:21

YABVU.

He doesn't want the animal in his house. He has that right. Deal with it.

If you would both be happy with a dog, get a dog. Put more effort into your search. One of you is not happy with getting a cat, so you shouldn't be getting a cat.

I would consider divorce if my dh brought a pet into our house that I didn't want, and refused to listen to my opinion on the matter.

Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 13/05/2011 10:22

Hmm at divorce over a bloody cat!

OP posts:
LooloosMummy · 13/05/2011 10:23

just ask his to just come along with you to see the cat and if he still doesn't like it then you'll leave. but when you get there you love this cat soo much you can't go with out it. i'm afraid i pull this one often with my DH i did it with the cat and the house and i'm probably going to do it next time i want something but he is unsure! :o (p.s. make sure you take cat basket 'just incase')

belgo · 13/05/2011 10:24

YABU. Of course you cannot get a cat unless your dh wants it too.

Cats should not be given as a birthday presentHmm

You may think you are an adult but you are acting very childishly, stamping your foot saying I want I want.

HerbWoman · 13/05/2011 10:24

What do you think his real reason for not wanting a cat is, as the reasons he has given sound more like excuses?

I'd love a cat too, but in our case DH doesn't like pets at all and particularly dislikes cats so I would be very unreasonable if I brought one home.

Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 13/05/2011 10:25

They won't give the cat today Looloo....they will have to do a home visit first. I am going alone as he has to do soemthing else today but I will take photos and show them to him....I think I will take a very cute one of DD and the cat together. Kissing. Or hugging. Grin

OP posts:
bubblecoral · 13/05/2011 10:25

I really don't like cats. And I wouldn't like a husband that was prepared to try and force me into something that I had expressed a strong wish against.

What makes you think you have more right to have what you want than he does to have what he wants?

Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 13/05/2011 10:27

Herb Honestly? I think it is about control. I think he has some control issues and he wants to get a dog first so his dog is most important in the home. That sounds pathetic but I do think it.

OP posts:
scotsgirl23 · 13/05/2011 10:27

Take him to see it and hope it's darned affectionate....

I have 3 cats (maine coons, now they are big hairy buggers!) DH adores them. I frequently come in and find one on his knee, one lying behind him and one on the arm of the sofa.

He argued against getting every single one! I think we have different ways of looking at things. I think ooh, we could get a cat, they'll be lovely/sweet/fun/cuddly bla bla bla (yes I do understand they take work too, but my brain goes to the upsides first!) where as he thinks "mess, hair, litter, expense, grump grump" and forgets the good bits.

Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 13/05/2011 10:27

bubble but he LIKES cats! He really does. He's just being a shit.

OP posts:
LooloosMummy · 13/05/2011 10:29

if he loves cats too i'd just say he's being over catious about it, once he see's how much the kids and you love 'her' (is it a girl??) he will more than likely come round, after all it's such a nice loving cat and you can go out and leave them in they are self sufficant not like dogs (i'm a cat lover as you can probably tell... we have 3, 2 came to live with us with the above tactic, DH wouldn't be without the DCat 2 now)

Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 13/05/2011 10:29

scotsgirl yes apparently the cat is hugely loving and affectionate. And sad because it's owner has gone.

I think DH will love it too when he sees it.

OP posts:
scotsgirl23 · 13/05/2011 10:30

Xposted with you mumblingragdoll - it sound slike he is just being an arse. I don't see why your desire to get a cat first should be trumped by his desire to get a dog first, and it sounds like that's all it comes down to. He like cats, and dogs, he's just arguing about the order. Why is he any more right than you? If you've been keeping an eye out and the right cat has come up first, then get the cat first.

He's being a pedantic whingy git by the sounds of it!

Vallhala · 13/05/2011 10:30

YANBU. You're a grown woman and may do as you please.

BUT... if you take this cat on you must be prepared to care for him for the resy of his natural life. So, if he gets ill and DH refuses to pay for his vet treatment out of his earnings it must come out of yours. If your DH, once the cat is installed in your home, says, "It's me or the cat" then HE must be the one to go as you made the commitment KNOWING that DH isn't on-board and cannot in all moral decency dump the cat having been aware from the start that this might happen. You must be prepared to arrange car for him if you go away and not expect your DH to do it and you must accept the possible consequences of your actions and NEVER make the cat suffer for them.

No man would ever tell me whether I could or could not have a pet - well, one did try many years back but I called him a cunt (knee-jerk reaction Blush ) and dumped him sharpish.

Equally no man would ever make me get rid of my pets, regardless of his threats, regardless if it was "him or the dogs" and no man iis or would ever be expected to be responsible for them in any way.

If you can do the same, then go for it. If you have any shadow of a doubt that you'd put the cat above your DH if need be then you must either continue to strive to change his mind or give up on the idea if you can't (or find a new husband!).

Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 13/05/2011 10:31

Its a boy Looloo....I think it would be great for the family. The kids need to learn about the responsibility of pet and they adore animals. As a kid was never allowed anything....we got a cat by default in the end and it was sucj a joy.

also think cats are FAR easier to care for than dogs.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 13/05/2011 10:31

I think you are both trying to exert control :)

I would say take him to see the cat and hope he falls in love with it and then you can both agree you want it.

If the rescue people are any good, they will question both of you and should not rehome when one of the adults is against the idea.

issey6cats · 13/05/2011 10:31

his argument that the cat will shed hairs i have six cats and my house isnt smothered in cat hair i just hoover once a day, and the fighting with the neighbours cas siamese know they are superior to other cats so he probably wont fight a good idea to take your daughter aswell to find out if the cat is ok with children, i work at haworth cat rescue and we had a lovely gentle cat come in as a stray we didnt know what he was like with kids, a lady with a lad about 6 who wanted to adopt a cat came in took them into his pen and he made it very clear he dd not like the little lad so he got changed to a no for kids

Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 13/05/2011 10:34

Val Exactly....nobody's telling me I can't have an animal. I love them and my life will be enhanced as will the DC. think it's a right if you are a true animal lover.

I have my own income and will always be responsible for the cats care....he would never ask me t choose between him and the cat.
When his childhood dog was dying in Australia, he went over there to be with him...it took a month and I never complained about him going....In was glad he could be there....he needs to give a little

OP posts:
scotsgirl23 · 13/05/2011 10:35

I have to admit I'm a big fan of raising kids with a pet (as long as it's the right pet) - my little girl is only 1, but she is already utterly enchanted with the cats, and very very gentle with them. Our friends little boy who was brought up with two cats is the same. Obviously nothing is universal but I think it teaches them a kind of gentleness and compassion from very early on.

Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 13/05/2011 10:35

The cat is excellent with children issey and appeears to love them...he has been playinig with staff members children.

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