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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to take nanny to court for £40.25

215 replies

VentiPeppermintMochaWithWhip · 12/05/2011 17:14

Long story short:
Nanny of 9 months announces she is 6 weeks up the duff to the guy she broke up with late last year... (it's one of those "If I get pregnant, he'll stay with me" babies that I think she is now regretting)

Got a text yesterday in the middle of a uni lecture from said nanny:
Cnt get kids 2day I quit

I immediately leave uni to collect kids from school, ask her what is going on, she says it's confidential.

Then last night, I tot everything up for her last wages and discover that she's taken too much holiday by three weeks this year. After deducting this month's wages, etc, it turns out she owes us £40.25

I inform her of this yesterday. She then has the gonads to text me this morning asking if she can work her four weeks notice?!?!

I very politely but sternly tell her no, that she quit, that she is no longer welcome here, and requested that she return her key today whilst I'm at uni.

I spoke to a friend who is also a solicitor last night, who has agreed to send a letter requesting the money.

I KNOW it's only £40 and it's not the money I'm pissed off about... it's the fact that she flipping TEXT an hour before the kids were due to be collected, that she gave no notice, never came to speak to me about any of her issues, nothing!!

AIBU?

OP posts:
Laquitar · 13/05/2011 12:31

YABVVU to speak about her pregnancy in this way Hmm

You seem very annoyed about her being pregnant, no wonder she wants to quit. We don't know what else has happened and how you have been treated her.

Your OP and the way you talk about her pregnancy is out of order imo.

Bogeyface · 13/05/2011 12:37

I dont get why people are so pissed off with the way the OP described the pg! If thats what the girl did then thats an accurate description surely?

My stepson was a "dont leave me, I am pg" baby, his mother deliberately got pg so my DH wouldnt dump her, but he finished with her before she got her pg confirmed and he refused to go back to her, although he did support and be involved with the baby. It happens all the time and any girl silly enough to do that really shouldnt be surprised if her pregnancy is described as exactly what it is!

And also, I am sure that the OP wrote that because she was fuming mad about being dropped right in it by the nanny, bearing in mind that these children may have been put at risk by her blase attitude. We all say things that on reflection we probably shouldnt when we are mad with someone, it doesnt make the OP a bad person or a bad employer, and to assume that she is based on one ill judged comment makes the accusers as bad as the person they are accusing imo!

AlpinePony · 13/05/2011 12:46

bogeyface I'm horrified to learn that your husband's ex forced him in to handing over his sperm like that. What a vile specimen of womanhood she must've been - either that, or had a trick fanny - who can say? Hmm Did solidarity pass you by?

It's a horrible way to describe the pregnancy. It may have come about in less than ideal circumstances - but it brings out the protector in me.

Having a shit day at work and doing something daft when you're young, impressionable and probably hormonal does not imo, warrant an older, richer, more successful woman gunning for you and/or giving a bad reference. Tbh, if I interviewed someone with a "bad reference" I'd ask for their side of the story.

Laquitar · 13/05/2011 12:46

Bogeyface there have been other threads too from OP about her nanny.
And no it is not on to talk like this about the unborn child Hmm

Bogeyface · 13/05/2011 12:51

Solidarity about what? She lied about going on the pill so he trusted her and didnt use condoms. You could say he was a fool for trusting her but he was young and niave and learnt his lesson, but the plain fact is that a woman who lies to get pg without the mans consent cant expect to be referred to in glowing terms!

And she wasnt referring to the baby, but the pregnancy surely? My first pregnancy was an accident, a mistake, call it what you like but the child born from that pg wasnt, there is a difference.

Spudulika · 13/05/2011 12:53

I think you're being vindictive to someone who's not in a great position. She's pregnant? She's out of work? She's on her own?

Write off the money and give her an honest reference. Praise the good things she did for you and your children. Say she left at VERY short notice without explaining.

It'll make you a better human being.

Serenitysutton · 13/05/2011 12:55

staying DTG- I totally agree. being a nanny is no different to any other job. The idea that could text my manager and say "not comin in 2day i quit" is a fucking joke- then to demand to work my notice- its shameful! no normal mature person acts like that.

Valium- you don't have to provide a reference at all- who could make you? its a curtesy to the employee and new employer, not a legal obligation.

Bogeyface · 13/05/2011 12:59

I can't help feeling that the OP is getting a hard time about this because she has annoyed people before and therefore isnt getting the fair hearing that anyone else would get.

AlpinePony · 13/05/2011 13:02

bogey I hope you don't talk about the mother of your stepson in front of him like this! Shock

Personally I have never seen any of OP's posts before -so to suggest that she's getting an unfair hearing because of previous form implies that we feel for a young girl in a bad situation because we bear grudges! Wtf? Hmm

I could phone my boss right this minute and say "I quit" - and then not deliver a deadline due today. I would still expect to work out my contract and receive full and fair severence. OP is I fear, as someone pointed out earlier on the thread, on very shaky legal ground herself! By not delivering a supposed deadline today I might receive a verbal or even written warning, but this would be in accordance with my contract.

Serenitysutton · 13/05/2011 13:05

alphine is not about delivering, its about not turning up to work at all....

AlpinePony · 13/05/2011 13:09

I wouldn't be fired on the spot for not turning up one day. I'd be questioned by my boss and likely HR, and I suppose it's up to their discretion whether extenuating personal circumstances allow them to mark it in as "unpaid leave" or whether to continue with disciplinary procedures.

beesimo · 13/05/2011 13:09

Bogeyface

I don't know who OP is and I don't care,to write what she did about the nanny shows a aspect of her personality that is neither kind or fair. I suspect she is one of those employers of domestic staff who has let having power over another woman go to her head. In this situation I would ring the lass say whats going off are you ok? can I do anything to help? for the simple reason it is the decent thing to do. Nanny is a girl in trouble not some kind of monster to be trodden underfoot.

Yes it is annoying when people let you down but frankly there is such a thing as grace under fire.

Spudulika · 13/05/2011 13:19

"Yes it is annoying when people let you down but frankly there is such a thing as grace under fire."

Quite.

"In this situation I would ring the lass say whats going off are you ok? can I do anything to help? for the simple reason it is the decent thing to do. Nanny is a girl in trouble not some kind of monster to be trodden underfoot."

I like the cut of your jib Beesimo Smile

Morloth · 13/05/2011 13:24

You lot are all mad, you know that don't you?

Bogeyface · 13/05/2011 13:28

I suspect she is one of those employers of domestic staff who has let having power over another woman go to her head

Based on what? The fact that she had a rant after being let down badly by someone who was in a position of great trust?! If someone had done that to me then I would be bloody fuming. It isnt the same as working in an office, these are young children we are talking about!

AlpinePony My stepson is a fully grown adult and was when I first met him. I dont speak about his mother at all, never have done as it has never come up.

LDNmummy · 13/05/2011 13:56

"OP these nanny threads always turn into bitter jealous rants from those who can't afford nannies and assume they are all treated like slaves."

Trixymalixy as a child I had two nannies. Also, various house help and a driver who chauffered my siblings and I around. In my home country it is very common with wealthy families to have not just a nanny but various staff in the home. My family still employ drivers and nannies and home help to this day. My viewpoint was not fuelled by any bitterness or jealousy or an assumption that these types of employed staff are treated like slaves. The OP was offensive and it was as simple as that.

Laquitar · 13/05/2011 14:40

' its one of those 'if i get pregnant he will stay with me' babies'

Bogeyface this is what OP has written. So, yes she was referring to the baby.

Jaspants · 13/05/2011 14:45

I think responses would have been different if the thread had been written very factually and nanny replaced by childminder

Regardless of the OPs opinion of the nanny's situation, the nanny put the children at risk by doing what she did.

What if the text didn't get delivered?
What if the OP had been further than an hour away and unable to make the school pick up in time?

The text said "Cnt get kids 2day I quit"

How can anyone expect the OP to then trust this woman to "look after" her DCs for another month after such unprofessional conduct?

mathanxiety · 13/05/2011 14:51

Bogeyface -- the inclusion of the details of the nanny's personal life (plus the derogatory terms used) in the OP is what has people scratching their heads. What bearing does it have on the fact that the nanny is now no longer employed? If it is irrelevant to the ending of the employment, then why talk about it? Gratuitous and vindictive s**t throwing at a young pregnant woman (who may or may not be involved with a not-too-nice young man) doesn't go down well on MN.

ChippingIn · 13/05/2011 14:53

I'm starting to think you are a wind up merchant to be honest. You start thread after thread about this nanny.

mathanxiety · 13/05/2011 14:54

'What if the OP had been further than an hour away and unable to make the school pick up in time?'

How about the OP calling one of her friends and asking them to pick up her brood from school? I have done that many times, and my friends have done the same with me. They have called from dentists' offices and from traffic jams and places where their cars were towed after breakdowns. It's what friends are for.

BlackSwan · 13/05/2011 15:18

Don't waste everyone's time. It's 40 quid. She's pg and now unemployed. You want to sue her? Your solicitor friend probably thinks you're a little crazy.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 13/05/2011 15:47

The nanny chose to become unemployed - and quit in a way that could have caused upset to the children in her care. This does somewhat lessen my sympathy for her.

What I do not understand is how some people have made the huge deductive leap from 'this woman is unpleasant about her pregnant nanny' to 'this woman treats her nanny like a slave, has always been horrible to her, wouldn't care if she'd been killed in a car crash, has let the power of employing another woman go to her head, and wants to take food out of a pregnant woman's mouth' - that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever to me.

beesimo · 13/05/2011 16:35

Staying ect

In a suitation like this I always think how would I like my DDs or DSs to be treated by an employer then simples I apply that to how I treat people who work for me.

If I were the nanny in questions Mam I would of made sure OP knew exactly what Beesimo thought, nanny was good enough to be looking after OPs DCs had a key to the house ect ect then next minute shes a little stinker come off it!

OP would of got her pound of flesh- sorry £40.50 back 'fair dos' but I can safely say she would of needed some skill and dexterity to be able to remove it from her person!

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 13/05/2011 17:00

What about how you would like your dd/ds to be treated by your nanny, beesimo? Or your grandchildren? Would you like your nanny, or your grandchildren's nanny to text you a bare hour before pick up time, when you/the gc's mum was in a lecture and might not have got the text, and quit as the OP's nanny did. There doesn't appear to have been any care on the nanny's part for the children's safety or wellbeing - they were pretty much abandoned.

I can understand you wanting to empathise with the nanny, but I think you should try to empathise with the OP's children too - they could have been left standing outside school, alone, not knowing when/if someone was picking them up. Whatever her issues with the OP, the nanny had no right to do this to the children. She could have contacted the school to say there was a problem with picking the children up so that if the OP hadn't got the text, the school would have been keeping an eye on the kids anyway, and would have rung the OP again. But the nanny did not do this - she sent a very short text and apparently did not follow up at all to see if the children had been picked up OK.