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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Bruised Ds this morning - worried school will notice!

116 replies

AlmostAtBreakingPoint · 12/05/2011 08:53

DS is 10 and we have had lots of behavioural problems at school and home over the years and we (DH and I) have tried many different ways of dealing with him but nothing gets through. We are waiting for an assessment through our GP.

Currently he lies, answers back, calls us names, fights with his brother, cannot do anything he's told, has meltdowns about the slightest thing etc.

This morning I went into the loo after him and found an A4 piece of paper scrunched up in the loo, that he had tried to flush. It was blank. I asked why did it and he swore blind it was not him. He lies so convincingly, it's scary. The lies actually anger me more than the actual act and he will quite happily let his siblings take the blame. Cue me grabbing the end of his nose saying it will grow like Pinocchios, probably a bit too hard. A few minutes later I see that the tip of his nose has turned purple and now I feel so shit and worried that he will tell his teachers that I did it and then they will inform SS etc. He has before said that he will tell his teacher we are horrible to him when he has been told off. He later said 'Oh OK, it was me' but could not say why he did it.

I am so sick of it, every night I vow that I will be calm with him and will not let him wind me up. Really feel like running away and never coming back .

OP posts:

Original poster

AlmostAtBreakingPoint · 12/05/2011 13:15

Lovely swim - 60 lengths. Felt pretty good until I came back to this thread. Am now calm and will start over at school pickup. I will do my best, that's all I can do.

OP posts:

Pagwatch · 12/05/2011 13:15

Sn can also be very bright. Sn does not mean struggling cognitively.

But you seem to want to shout so I shall push off.

Original poster

AlmostAtBreakingPoint · 12/05/2011 13:22

worked - his brother was downstairs the whole time. DS came out of the loo as I went in.

I have this problem lots where he has swore blind it was not him and as the other 2 also denied it, I was unable to make any of them responsible so whoever it was 'got away' with it leaving me feeling totally frustrated as I would not put the blame on any of them unless I was sure (this happened to me a lot as a child). That is why I try to enforce a no lying rule and they all know they will 'get off' easier if they tell the truth.

OP posts:

TheLadyEvenstar · 12/05/2011 13:30

Almost I have to say you comment...

He is not 'SN' as such, he understands bloody everything,

I have to say I find pretty offensive.

DS1 is Special Needs in as much as he has AS, ODD and SENSORY ISSUES. However academically is doing very well - already at 12 taking GCSE's. SN doesn't mean stupid ffs

Original poster

AlmostAtBreakingPoint · 12/05/2011 13:34

TLES where did I say SN means 'stupid'. Some posters were implying that if he was SN that he may not understand what he was doing and I was correcting that.

Bloody touchy or what

OP posts:

CotesduRhone · 12/05/2011 13:36

I am not having a go OP, as I can only imagine how frustrated you must be to have behaved in what was (in my opinion) not just a wrong manner, but in a manner that further erodes your relationship with your child. And clearly this eats you up or you wouldn't be posting about it.

What comes across most strongly here though is how much you think everything is his fault, how 'awful' he is, and how unlike how other children he is, how unlovable you find him, essentially. Thinking about it logically, is it any wonder he's raising merry hell? You need help, and fast, if you don't want a) things to get out of hand again, or b) your child to grow up believing they are a fundamentally bad and unlovable person; an emotional cripple.

I don't live in the UK so can't offer any advice as to where you might go for support, but it seems clear you need it. This is NOT a normal situation, and I don't think other posters are doing you any favours by interpreting it as a 'child's behaviour is out of line, gets a smack, job done" situation.

JimmyChooChoo · 12/05/2011 13:41

Almost-you should hide this thread imo.
Why let total strangers make you feel wound up?Lifes hard enough as it is

StayFr0sty · 12/05/2011 14:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheLadyEvenstar · 12/05/2011 14:43

Almost, it was me who said he may not understand why he is doing something silly or may not be able to express why he is doing it. Not unusual for any child SN or not.

RabbitFood · 12/05/2011 14:46

not read it all through, but in our family we pinch eachothers noses for a laugh to see who can have a blue or purple stripe. Didn't realise it was abuse? When we are all doing it and finding it hilarious.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 12/05/2011 14:50

Sounds like Ritalin for DS would be more appropriate than Prozaac for you! I would really keep on at the doc to get your son referred (eg to Psychiatrist) for diagnosis.

midori1999 · 12/05/2011 15:33

SN cis nto always a case of not understanding, it can also be a case of not fully being aware of the results/consequences of their actions or poor impule control, amogst other things.

Still, you clearly don't feel bad for what you have done, so why be bothered if school notice a bruise and pull you up on it? If you think you are in the right and 'tweaking' his nose (so hard it caused a bruise!) why be bothered about school or SS?

raindroprhyme · 12/05/2011 21:02

i had to pop back as i have been thinking about you all day.
Did you chase the GP.
i have read the rest of the thread, some helpful and unhelpful comments.
The Point is you lost your temper, that undermines your parenting and becomes a vicious cycle.
You and your son need some support, please keep pushing for it.

springpiece · 12/05/2011 21:27

OP you said you felt bad and quite rightly so. But now you are excusing your actions by saying you just tweaked your son's nose. To be quite honest I can't imagine how hard you would have to tweak a nose to leave a purple bruise but it would have to be extremely hard.
Not sure what country you are in but in the UK this is against the law.
I would apologise to your son and chase up help for both of you ASAP.

TheLadyEvenstar · 12/05/2011 21:34

Spring, I would have to disagree there about it having had to have been hard. DS1 bruises very easily. I found this out when he was about 5 and we were playing around he tweaked my nose and then I did it back to him and lo n behold he had a purple bruise on his nose.

He is now almost 13 and the other week we were mucking around and I did it again guess what happened? his nose bruised. I didnt do it hard and we were playing but it still happened.

springpiece · 12/05/2011 21:39

Well it's slightly different in that the OP said she pulled her sons nose, by her own admission, too hard and she wasn't playing. She also didn't mention that her DS has a tendency to bruise easily.

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