Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to allow my daughter not to see Woman in Black?

93 replies

aliena · 10/05/2011 23:21

DD (who is a very quiet, sensitive and young thirteen year old) is reading Woman in Black in English. She has found the book disturbing and scary but battled her way through it. She does not at all like stories of the supernatural and I have taken the view that she will in time when she is ready. However, she found out yesterday that her teacher has arranged a class trip to see the play (which the teacher loves so much she has seen five times). DD asked timidly whether it was alright if she didn't see it and the teacher agreed. However today DD came home from school very upset because her English teacher told her she now had to come along and to "for goodness sake, grow a spine".

I am not the sort of mother who complains to teachers and I like my children to sort out their own problems if they can but I don't know what to do. I know from previous experience that DD will be terrified and will probably not sleep properly for many weeks/ months after seeing it. So should I say something to the teacher (as DD has begged) or should I force my daughter to go?

OP posts:
RobynLou · 10/05/2011 23:23

I don't know, but I do know the play wasn't all that scary at all imo....

gremlindolphin · 10/05/2011 23:26

I love the WiB and have seen it twice but it is the most scary thing bareing in mind that there are only a few characters and you are in a theatre.

You know your daughter, there is nothing wrong with making people do things that they don't want to if it will be good for them or character building but there is nothing wrong with not seeing a play if you don't want to.

AgentZigzag · 10/05/2011 23:26

"for goodness sake, grow a spine"

I'd not be at all happy if a teacher said that to my DD.

You know what your DD would/wouldn't like, that's up to you as her parent to choose.

Definately don't force her, and tell her to tell her teacher to f-off if she says that again, and that you told her to say it (only half joking).

Grow a spine?? Angry

FreudianSlipOnACrown · 10/05/2011 23:26

I'm not normally a scaredy person but I was terrified at the play in London Blush

So YANBU.

ohmyfucksy · 10/05/2011 23:26

I think the book was very scary. Excellent though.

londonmackem · 10/05/2011 23:27

Play is less scary than the film - I couldn't sleep with the window to the right of my bed for years after the film. However, no school trip is compulsory - might affect coursework in Geography for example but not English. Would be useful but not compulsory.
I would complain about a teacher telling any child to 'grow a spine' as it is completly unprofessional but if you don't want to make an issue just say you are busy that day (even during the school day it will finish after normal school time).

AgentZigzag · 10/05/2011 23:27

I've not read the book or seen the play BTW, but what other people think about the play is beside the point, the point is the teacher's trying to force your DD into doing something by humiliating her.

FreudianSlipOnACrown · 10/05/2011 23:27

And yes I'd be livid at the grow a spine comment!

londonmackem · 10/05/2011 23:27

completely

bronze · 10/05/2011 23:28

I'm with freudian. Luckily I guessed she would appear just behind us (we were near the back) but tough old dh nearly jumped out of his skin. For me it was the rocking, to be honest I wish I hadn't thought too much about it again.

maresedotes · 10/05/2011 23:29

Same as Freudian. I saw it as an adult and it scared me!

RobynLou · 10/05/2011 23:30

of course what I thought of the play is irrelevant, sorry, I'm just flitting around jabbering.

your DD's teacher was BVU

Evenstar · 10/05/2011 23:35

My DP took his son who is older than your daughter, to see this as part of English coursework, although the school will be taking them again. They were both terrified. I would never consider going to this after seeing the BBC production some years ago which still upsets me whenever I think about it. I am not scared of things like that in general and will watch horror movies, but I would absolutely think you were right not to send DD. I am amazed at the teacher's comment and you are definitely NBU

Salmotrutta · 10/05/2011 23:36

I saw the film many years ago (Christmas on TV) and even as an adult I found it very scary.
I don't know what the play version would be like but in some ways the theatre might be even more "atmospheric".
Teacher was wrong to say that (even if it was meant to be "funny" Hmm) and she must have felt embarrassed.

Salmotrutta · 10/05/2011 23:37

Your DD must have been embarrassed I meant!

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 10/05/2011 23:41

From what you've said about your DD it would not be a good idea for her to see it. And the teacher's comment means that it's time you step in and make it clear to the teacher, and the head if necessary, that this is not something that will happen regardless of her inappropriate attempts to bulling your DD into it

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 10/05/2011 23:42

to at

FreudianSlipper · 10/05/2011 23:50

i would be upset by what the teacher said, very unfair of her. some people find the subject of supernatural interesting, other terrifying (like myself) and others are not bothered either way

i found the play scary, not as scary as the film. it was only shown once on tv, it was a dark boxing day evening the wind howling outside and it haunted me for weeks after. everyone i know who watched it was traumatised. would love to see it again though

fromheretomaternity · 10/05/2011 23:55

I thought the play was scary and I would not take a 13 year old to see it, especially not a sensitive one. YANBU

Original poster
aliena · 11/05/2011 00:22

Thank you everyone! I find it very difficult to complain about teachers at this school: my fear is that there will be some kind of backlash against my DC so I'm not sure I can say anything to the teacher other than to reiterate that DD won't be coming. I'll have to hope she doesn't make any more comments to DD in front of her class.

I did wonder if the teacher was right in her brusque approach and whether in some gentle way, I could encourage my DD "to grow a spine" re ghost stories and the other things she's not able to watch (which includes any violence including James Bond films!!).

Though I'd rather leave her be...

OP posts:
duckypoo · 11/05/2011 00:38

I would not let her go, some people just hate anything supernatural, scary films etc , I love them myself, but remember being shown a nightmare on elm street at a young age. I was terrified and refused to go in the bath for ages Grin.

There are plenty of adults who don't like anything spooky/gory it's a perfectly valid viewpoint, if the teacher makes any more comments I would certainly complain.

Greythorne · 11/05/2011 01:00

Thr teacher is an idiot. The play is designed to be very scary. That's the whole point of it. Atmospheric, eerie, dark, unexpected, scary....that's what Susan Hill was aiming for. To act like it is not scary is to undermine the very raison d'etre of the play. Moron.

Your DD should be able to decide for herself.

SomersetBelle · 11/05/2011 06:55

Agree with all the above. I saw it when I was about 15 and it scared the shit out of me. I had to sleep in my sister's room for ages!

She can see it when she's good and ready.

YANBU

Punkatheart · 11/05/2011 08:03

A teacher said that to your lovely sensitive girl?!! I can feel myself bristling. There are too few sensitive people in the world. Stand firm - some children (I was one) really feel things deeply. I am scarred from reading Kes, which still breaks my heart. Although I am glad that I experienced it. But you know your girl best.

Tell your DD from me that she sounds lovely and keep up the reading. It will get her far in life!

iscream · 11/05/2011 08:10

Grow a spine? How about the teacher grows a heart!
I would not force her to go. Will she loose marks? She read the book, that should be enough.
I wonder if it is on youtube in bits? perhaps if she watched it in small sections, it would de sensitive her? You could look and if it is, suggest it, and let her know only if she wants to try and get over the fear from it.