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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to allow my daughter not to see Woman in Black?

93 replies

aliena · 10/05/2011 23:21

DD (who is a very quiet, sensitive and young thirteen year old) is reading Woman in Black in English. She has found the book disturbing and scary but battled her way through it. She does not at all like stories of the supernatural and I have taken the view that she will in time when she is ready. However, she found out yesterday that her teacher has arranged a class trip to see the play (which the teacher loves so much she has seen five times). DD asked timidly whether it was alright if she didn't see it and the teacher agreed. However today DD came home from school very upset because her English teacher told her she now had to come along and to "for goodness sake, grow a spine".

I am not the sort of mother who complains to teachers and I like my children to sort out their own problems if they can but I don't know what to do. I know from previous experience that DD will be terrified and will probably not sleep properly for many weeks/ months after seeing it. So should I say something to the teacher (as DD has begged) or should I force my daughter to go?

OP posts:

Carrotsandcelery · 11/05/2011 21:34

This play is very very scary, as is the book. It is not a good place for a young girl to start to overcome her sense of fear. Coupled with that, it is clear that the teacher is not going to offer a sensitive ear/shoulder for the experience.

I would not return the permission slip or the money required for your dd to go on the trip.

Well done OP for sticking up for your daughter. Everyone develops at a different rate.

I have taught this book and taken pupils to see it at the theatre and it is very very frightening.

CFAW · 11/05/2011 21:48

The play was good. The grow a spine comment not so good.

Georgimama · 11/05/2011 21:50

Actually I'm quite surprised they are reading this book at school at 13.

Bousy · 11/05/2011 21:54

I saw it on a school trip when I was 15, and found it a bit too scary and quite upsetting. I think you're right to give her the option not to see it. (Watch out for when they start reading Sylvia Plath, that was also a problem ).

EvilTwins · 11/05/2011 22:04

The play is wonderful- a very clever piece of theatre. It's also terrifying. As a drama teacher, I've seen it enough times to know when to hide under my coat! I've taken several groups of students to see it, but never younger than yr11 and would not expect a student to go if they thought that they would be uncomfortable.

StayFr0sty · 11/05/2011 22:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

aliena · 11/05/2011 22:35

Hello everyone thanks for your comments. As an update, DD was asked by the teacher today whether she was going (since she needed the permission slips) and DD said no and the teacher said "ok I can't force you". So thankfully it seems to have been resolved. DD is so relieved. She also told me that some year sevens (who hadn't read the book as she has) have been taken to see this play and one of them had to sleep in her parents' bed as a result!!

DD and I agreed that perhaps teacher had "had been having a bad day" yesterday when she said what she did about "growing a spine" (a saying DD had not heard before). "Teacher's having a bad day" is our family's way of dealing with these sorts of issues. I'm not sure it's the right approach but I am always wary about complaining about teachers: will they take it out in some way on my DC, will they take revenge by not giving them good reports or references when they leave the school etc. I'm the one who should perhaps "grow a spine"!!!

OP posts:

Abelia · 11/05/2011 22:44

yr 7s went to see this play? mind you I remember being much more robust pre adulthood about horror films, gore, frightening stuff etc.

as an adult I found the play terrifying, and I used to quite enjoy scary stuff. I scoffed at the idea the play could be very scary but it really was.

well done to your DD for standing her ground. she is perfectly brave and has backbone to do that and not go along with the crowd / teacher pressure.

McDreamy · 11/05/2011 22:46

I took my mum to see this earlier this year. It was brilliant but very eerie and scary/jumpy at the end. Can understand why she doesn't feel comfortable seeing it.

shemademedoit · 11/05/2011 22:47

Could you go along and see it before she's due to go, and judge for yourself?

shemademedoit · 11/05/2011 22:49

Just read to the end: glad it's sorted out. x

WobblyWidgetOnTheScooper · 11/05/2011 23:01

Same here Abelia - me and my friends used to have horror movie nights as teenagers and laugh at all the scary bits. As an adult though I seem to wear my emotions on my sleeve as it were - it's good in most ways (and probably the result of decent therapy I had) - but it means I can't watch scary films anymore!

Original poster

aliena · 11/05/2011 23:02

Thank you shemademedoit. Perhaps I should see it. I am certainly intrigued by all the comments from those who have!

But DD has read the book (and found it frightening) and she made the decision not to go and I felt that I should perhaps respect that. A few years ago I encouraged her to see the latest Harry Potter (which she didn't want to see) on the basis that all her friends were going and it was a mistake on my part since she was terrified, hated it and couldn't sleep afterwards. Funnily enough she can watch it now, no problem!

My big fear now is that the teacher will bring the film in now for the class to see as well. Oh dear, cross that bridge as and when.

OP posts:

JanMorrow · 12/05/2011 07:15

I saw the play with school at about her age. It's not that bad scare wise but if she's already prone to getting sacred then yes, she'd probably be petrified!

springbokscantjump · 12/05/2011 15:29

Perhaps you can get her to watch it in bits at home. If you paused it, had a chat and went back to it (in the daytime of course) it may help her dissociate what is happening on the screen.

Although not too sure why i think she should see it as it scared the bejesus out of me :)

takethisonehereforastart · 12/05/2011 16:12

Teacher was very wrong to make that comment to her.

I have got the book but haven't read it yet (it has just bumped itself way up the TBR pile after reading this thread though). I really want to see the play now as well but DH (who is 30) would probably scream like a girl and want to leave the theatre. Ghosts freak him out but he can watch gore. I can't watch anything with the devil or most things about zombies but I love anything with ghosts.

I haven't seen the film either but I've just looked online and the UK rating for it is 15. It ought to be fair to assume the play is about the same. Would the teacher think it was okay to force students to watch a film aimed at an older age group? I think you'd be within your rights to complain if she did, they put the ratings there for a reason.

I think the thing with the Harry Potter film says it all. There's nothing wrong with her spine but she's developing at her own pace, as are all the other children, and the teacher should understand that. She shouldn't be forced to read or watch something she isn't quite ready for (or be prevented from reading something she has shown an interest in for that matter). She's just about managed to struggle through the book, which I'm sure she would have put down or not even picked up if it weren't a school book. But if the school had done this book a year later she might have been happier with it or even enjoyed it.

I would speak to the teacher to find out what has been said and to explain that your daugher will not be going to the theatre or watching the film. You don't have to go in all guns blazing or anything but this is a lesson to your daughter that you will support her decision when she clearly feels so strongly about this.

I do agree with the person who said that seeing plays/films can really help students but not in this case. It won't help anyone to see half the play and then leave the theatre because it's been too scary and upsetting for one/some of them to sit through.

Nixea · 12/05/2011 16:32

Ye gads, I must be such a wimp! You all made it sound so intriguing that I googled a plot summary and even that was even to scare the crap out of me!!

Glad it's all been resolved for you OP. Oh, and it turns out it's been remade with Daniel Radcliffe (sp) for 2012 for anyone who wants to scare themselves witless :o

Fleurdebleurgh · 12/05/2011 16:41

We saw it for GCSE drama, it was a coursework piece.

I cant believe grown women are talking about it being so 'terrifying'. Its mildly scary, very very well produced and a great piece of theatre.

Oversensitive, the lot of you.

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