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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to allow my daughter not to see Woman in Black?

93 replies

aliena · 10/05/2011 23:21

DD (who is a very quiet, sensitive and young thirteen year old) is reading Woman in Black in English. She has found the book disturbing and scary but battled her way through it. She does not at all like stories of the supernatural and I have taken the view that she will in time when she is ready. However, she found out yesterday that her teacher has arranged a class trip to see the play (which the teacher loves so much she has seen five times). DD asked timidly whether it was alright if she didn't see it and the teacher agreed. However today DD came home from school very upset because her English teacher told her she now had to come along and to "for goodness sake, grow a spine".

I am not the sort of mother who complains to teachers and I like my children to sort out their own problems if they can but I don't know what to do. I know from previous experience that DD will be terrified and will probably not sleep properly for many weeks/ months after seeing it. So should I say something to the teacher (as DD has begged) or should I force my daughter to go?

OP posts:

JamieAgain · 11/05/2011 18:16

The play is scary - amazingly so for a theatre production - very well done. I loved it in a frissony way.

The teacher is an arse for implying your DD is a wimp.

JamieAgain · 11/05/2011 18:17

GetOrf - you have to see it. Its just very cleverly done. It could give some film-makers a lesson in suspense, atmosphere and sound-effects

GetOrfMoiCase · 11/05/2011 18:19

I had a look at the website earlier. I may well book some tickets for me and DP (dd would refuse to go, she hates anything scary).

MrsvWoolf · 11/05/2011 18:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaurieFairyCake · 11/05/2011 18:22

Jamie - the play is set in a very dark/gloomy atmospheric theatre - great use is made of dry ice and cold - the entire play is dedicated to saying 'there's something there' and you're on the edge of your seat for ever before it is rather spectacularly confirmed

I'm not giving anything else a way - it's a bit like Fight Club - no one talks about what they saw

MrsvWoolf · 11/05/2011 18:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

weimy · 11/05/2011 18:39

It is a fantastic play, but I would not take a class that young as as a group they wind themselves up to a point of hysteria. Might be different if you went with her and you both read a copy of the play before hand.

hairfullofsnakes · 11/05/2011 18:43

I think it is disgusting that she said that to your Dd - complain! She should be reprimanded for her stupid comments.

sue52 · 11/05/2011 18:45

The play is excellent it only has 2 actors and minimum props but it builds up atmosphere and tension rather than Friday the 13th type horror. I took my sensitive DD to see it a couple of years ago and she loved it.

RoseC · 11/05/2011 18:52

I saw it with a friend of mine who loves scary things, whilst I hate them and get nightmares easily. She nearly broke my hand during the rocking chair scene and I had my eyes screwed shut (we were seventeen).

I think your daughter is being perfectly reasonable (and quite mature) by setting her own boundaries and not getting carried away with the excitement of a trip. It may be worth checking that she won't be assessed on any of the physical aspects of staging the play (essays comparing/commenting on character movement, props, lighting etc.) but YANBU.

MrsChemist · 11/05/2011 18:59

It is a fabulous play (seen it twice) but I couldn't sleep the night after I first watched it. If your DD doesn't want to see it, then fair enough. It doesn't make her spineless. The teacher is being an arse.

TidyDancer · 11/05/2011 19:04

If a teacher spoke to my child that way, I'd have to go and say something, regardless of the reason for it. I don't think it's an appropriate way to speak to a child.

I wouldn't force DD to go to the theatre. She's looking to you to help her here, you have to back her up.

clam · 11/05/2011 19:33

DS's drama class went to see this a week or two ago. Year 10. They were all terrified, although it's hard to know how much of that was group hysteria. They spent the return journey facebooking on their phones how awful it was.
DS had to be escorted to bed and awoke in the middle too scared to come and find us. DH went to get him and they swapped beds! First time DS has slept with me since he was about 4, I think!
I'm afraid, being Bad Parents, we've teased him mercilessly about this ever since, and he laughs too. Now.
Loads of schools take teens to see this play. Seems to be a rite of passage. Your call as a parent though if you think she'd be scarred for life. DS has got over it, however, and he's got quite an active imagination although I did wonder at one point if we'd made a mistake.

LaurieFairyCake · 11/05/2011 19:42

Yr 10 is 15 though isn't it?

clam · 11/05/2011 19:47

Yes! And they were all terrified. So might be pushing it for 13 year olds.

ttalloo · 11/05/2011 19:53

YANBU

What on earth is the school doing allowing a class of thirteen-year-olds to see The Woman in Black, when adults are terrified by it? It's a brilliant book, and the play is amazing and well worth seeing (as long as you have someone to escort you to the loo in the middle of the night for six months afterwards), but just thinking about it gives me the creeps, and I can't imagine what it would do to a thirteen-year-old, never mind a sensitive one.

And you should complain to the head about the teacher's remark to your DD - it's unacceptable that she should be putting her down like that.

Kestryn · 11/05/2011 20:01

When I went to see it (age 23ish) I was going back to an empty house afterwards. I had to put all the lights on and call my mum.

Definitely YANBU.

clam · 11/05/2011 20:03

My kids' school have done this trip, albeit it for Year 10s (14/15) as I said, for years now. Can't be that much of a problem, or they'd have stopped, wouldn't you think? But 13 seems young, I agree.
I'd ignore the teacher's comment, to be honest. It was probably said as a joke and in most circumstances would have been taken in that way. The real issue you have is whether to let her go or not. I think, in your case, I'd say no.

LaurieFairyCake · 11/05/2011 20:10

Yep, massive difference between 13 and 15. Seems they do a lot of growing up in those years in particular.

Dancergirl · 11/05/2011 20:17

FFS, good luck to your daughter if she's got the courage to say she doesn't want to see it. That shows pluck imo.

I wouldn't force her to see it. Ask her again if she's sure she doesn't want to go and if she doesn't, end of story.

ALL school trips are optional as far as I'm concerned.

Georgimama · 11/05/2011 20:19

I went to see the play with two friends when I was 20. I was terrified. It was brilliant, don't get me wrong, but the three of us spent that night wide awake in a double bed scared to open our eyes.

I wouldn't allow a 13 year old to go even if they wanted to.

Purpleprickles · 11/05/2011 20:20

It is a very clever play and I really enjoyed it, however I had tears of fear in my eyes at points and nearly screamed out loud and I was in my late twenties. Can you approach the teacher in a friendly non-complaining way (so that there won't be the come back on your dd you are worried about) and explain that your dd is not being daft or hysterical but that ghost stories etc really frighten her and therefore you will not agree to her going. I'm not very up to speed with secondary rules for trips but I assume like primary you still have to give permission for your dd to be taken out of school?

Purpleprickles · 11/05/2011 20:24

I'm sorry OP I think I just made up part of your post you aren't worried about comeback for dd. But I'd still approach the teacher about her not going. Oh and if she is unreasonable I'd then mention the spine comment and how inappropriate it was. If you feel the matter isn't being fairly dealt with then I'd take it higher up.

PatTheHammer · 11/05/2011 20:33

Goodness I feel for your poor DD, I saw it at 25 and I was absolutely terrified!

I hate scary films but got talked into seeing the play as I was told it was really good. it was a brilliant play, very atmospheric. I also had an aisle seat and was shitting myself the whole way through that she would walk through the audience next to me. I also had flashbacks for months, so I must be spineless!

Our GCSE drama students see it, they are 15 though and I think that 13 is too young. She especially shouldn't make comments like that to a pupil if they have politely asked if they can miss this one out. She has read the book fgs, it can't be essential that she sees the play so wy is she trying to amke her?I think like someone else said, I would phone to speak to her before you write to school though, just incase the situation has been misread.

springbokscantjump · 11/05/2011 21:25

I saw it in my early twenties and was really scared. I literally jumped and even my big strapping husband got scared was slightly squiffy. and I love horror films. In fact, I think it is actually easier to watch a film, as you can more easily separate fact from fiction but a play as good as this one is blurs that boundary.

If your daughter is sensitive, it probably isn't going to be good for her. That teacher's comment about grow a spine would have me marching down there to have a serious word about that. Who does she think she is??

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