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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

why do people think that to be happy you need a man in your life

51 replies

cuteboots · 06/05/2011 08:37

My little boy is now 7 and all I get is you need to get your life back now and meet a nice man!?

I am very happy on my own and it wouldnt bother me if I never met another man . What are other peoples thoughts on this?

OP posts:

CareyFakes · 06/05/2011 08:40

Pah, I get it allllll the time.

I haven't been with a partner since 2006 (DD's 3 in July, you figure it out lol). I don't function that well in them, well didn't, I might fair better in them now, but I'm so busy with raising DD, Uni, finances and so forth that I'd barely get the time to smile at someone let alone commit.

I think for others, they only feel complete when in a relationship. I love being alone, I get to do what I want, I run my house, I love that I don't have to talk to anyone after 7pm and can watch what I want and being anti-social.

I've no intention of meeting another man in the near future, I have no intention of having anymore children, so it's all tickety boo here.

moanymandy · 06/05/2011 08:41

I think love makes the world go round! Weather that be the love of your DS or a man. But both would be nice!

CareyFakes · 06/05/2011 08:43

*be

Too early, only had 1 coffee

Original poster

cuteboots · 06/05/2011 09:01

Hmmm! Im still not convinced.

OP posts:

bittersweetvictory · 06/05/2011 09:03

Im a lot happier without a man in my life, i have plenty male freinds but am not interested in a relationship, i dont want to share the sky remote

CareyFakes · 06/05/2011 09:08

bittersweetvictory put it beautifully!

expatinscotland · 06/05/2011 09:08

Because a lot of people are insecure and lack confidence and so feel everyone else is the same way.

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

I have a close friend, now a grandmother, who's been very happily single for nearly 20 years.

She has a terrific job and a thriving side business, a lovely house, loads of friends and family and an active social life and plenty of flings whenever she wants them.

JazzAnnNonMouse · 06/05/2011 09:22

I think some people do, some people don't.
You don't need a man to be happy - perhaps they more mean you need not to be lonely to be happy, but if you're not then great!
I know I would be lonely without DP, yes I would still have all of my friends etc but I would feel an emptiness without him.

manticlimactic · 06/05/2011 09:42

It drives me to distraction!! My boss's (that doesn't look right) stock reply to anything is that I 'Need a mans touch' Gah!

My friend is having MH problems and I went along to the doctor with her at first and even he asked if she had a partner and asked if she thought it would help if she got someone she could be 'intimate with. Yeah of course because a bloke is the answer to everything.

Peartree15 · 06/05/2011 09:56

So you have someone to do the crap jobs you don't want to, and to deal with spiders.

JeffTracy · 06/05/2011 09:57

Jeez, we are quite popular in the "Geeky Stuff" thread

MotherMucca · 06/05/2011 10:06

I don't. I ended my last relationship (18 months ago), as it was making me miserable (no DV or owt).

I have never felt the need to be part of a couple in order to feel complete.

I wouldn't mind having someone to have lots of sex go out with at the moment, though. But I think it's this sunny weather wot does that to me.

Bonsoir · 06/05/2011 10:09

Because it is healthy for adults to share their life and with another adult, and to give and receive affection with another adult.

Living alone with a small child is not very good for either mother or child.

jeckadeck · 06/05/2011 10:30

because the majority of women have been conditioned into thinking this by a combination of their parents and society (media etc). I think having a good relationship with a good man is actually a pretty good thing. But quite often what you get is women being incredibly insecure about being on their own and so opting for any man when they would be better on their own. But it does take guts and resourcefulness to be happy on your own with all the pressure to be in a relationship.

Hullygully · 06/05/2011 10:32

Because otherwise you have to unblock the drains yourself.

minipie · 06/05/2011 10:46

Depends on the person. I'm someone who likes to have company all the time. So I'm happier when I've got a live in partner.

If you're someone who is happy spending lots of time alone then this won't apply.

From a practical perspective it is helpful to have someone to share household tasks, childcare, financial responsibilities with.

florencedougal · 06/05/2011 10:48

it sounds more like the little boy wants a live in dad to do dad things with

poor little soul :(

helenthemadex · 06/05/2011 10:48

Bonsoir living with a man arguing constantly and being very uphappy is not good for either mother or child

I dont mind being alone, but also am happy in a relationship, there are benefits to both.

personally I believe you should feel confident and happy with yourself before you start a relationship. If not then you can easily be dependent which is not healthy. I have a few friends like this who are actually terrified of being alone so bounce from one crap relationship to another

ezzie21 · 06/05/2011 10:54

a chap who enhances my life would be lovely

until such thing exist i shall come out in a rash of labradors

Chil1234 · 06/05/2011 11:30

I think the distinction is between those that think to be happy you should settle for having any old bloke in your life and those that find happiness with a particularly special man in their life. If you go for the former then you're going to end up having a nasty surprise and you're almost certainly better off single. If you're lucky enough to find the latter, life can be a very nice shared experience.

ccpccp · 06/05/2011 11:37

Unless you want to die old and alone, with a son who resents you for never providing a father figure in his life, then you should listen to your friends.

lesley33 · 06/05/2011 11:39

I love having a very close relationship in my life. You can have this with friends, but you have to spend a lot of time with somone to develop this closeness. I have been with my partner for 20 years and I would really miss having a relationship with someone who is so supportive, who knows me very well and with whom I can be totally myself.

Original poster

cuteboots · 06/05/2011 12:09

florence Dougal-From my point of view I have had relationships and never involve my son until Im sure its a goer. He does have male influences in his life and I dont think hes missing out at all in being able to do blokey things. He also still sees his dad as well but I have no interest in meeting anyone and the thought of having sex again makes me cringe and Id rather build up a sweat pushing a shopping trolley round tescos

OP posts:

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 06/05/2011 12:22

I don't think you have to have a 'man' in your life to be complete, like there's something wrong with you if you don't or something stupid like that.

but I can't help thinking that it must be lonely without someone to love and who loves you. someone to share a joke with, cuddle up on the sofa with, watch a crappy film with, snuggle up to at night, share your worries with... Someone who can hold you when you're feeling low, someone who you mean the world to. Someone who knows you and loves you and laughs when you topic hop madly cos he thinks it's cute. Someone who gets a twinkle in his eye when he's rabbiting on and he realises you're not listening

Someone who stops talking and smiles and says "mumsnet, you can't compete with mumsnet in this house."

You don't need a man in your life, of course you don't. And there is nothing at all wrong with not having one. But hand on heart I think it must be lonely and sad without someone to love and share your life with.

Original poster

cuteboots · 06/05/2011 12:30

Hecatequeenofthenight- I blame my parents for bringing me up to be an independant lady. I do sometimes think its not good having a general lack of interest but I cant see it changing in the near future! I am considering getting a dog though? hee hee

CCPCCP- Bit harsh?

OP posts:

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