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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to eat so early?

91 replies

Shakirasma · 04/05/2011 18:30

Mums birthday a couple of months ago, a special one. She decided she wanted to celebrate by way of a family meal out with myself, DB, and our families. A lovely idea.

I have 3 kids age 13, 8 and 4. DB has 2 kids aged 6 and 3 1/2.

DB and SIL were both off on the Friday and wanted to eat at about 5 because of the kids. DH was at work and neither of us wanted to eat a heavy meal that early. We would have preferred a later meal, but DB made a fuss about having to get babysitters and the kids missing out. We eventually agreed on a Sunday lunch instead.

Fast forward and it's my dads birthday next week, also a special one. I suggested a meal at a local pub. Although we would have preferred to eat around 7.30 - 8, I suggested 6.30ish to kepp DB happy. Yet again DB wants it earlier. Ne pointed out that the place opens at 5.

His reasoning is that his kids usually eat at 5. They would be starving by then, or he would have to feed them at home first then they wouldn't eat anything at the meal. My mum pointed out that it is a one off and they don't go to bed until 8, but he's having none of it.

AIBU to refuse to let him have it all his own way? It think I made a fair offer on the time. I really don't want it to become a big deal and spoil my dads birthday, but I absolutely don't want to eat dinner so early. My kids can hang out until 6.30 so why can't his?

OP posts:
Original poster
Shakirasma · 04/05/2011 18:32

I should point out that I do generally have a good relationship with my bro. I love him and his wife and kids dearly. We do have quite different ways of raising our kids though

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 04/05/2011 18:34

No reason why his cant have crisps and some sweets at 5 to tied them over until half 6. You made an exception for him before.

Tell him that he is the only one who wants to eat at 5 the rest of you want to eat at 6.30.

mrsravelstein · 04/05/2011 18:36

my smaller kids are 3 and 1, and they eat at 5pm latest. they would be totally starving and probably falling asleep or totally grumpy by 6.30pm, so i have missed a few family type events as a result. so, i see his point, but really its up to your mum and dad to decide what they want to do and everyone else join in or not as they wish, i'd have thought.

muminthecity · 04/05/2011 18:38

Surely it's for your Dad to decide? It is his birthday after all.

fluffles · 04/05/2011 18:38

i've just spent a whole weekeend eating between 5 and 5:30 because of small children who go to bed at 7 at the latest.

whatever. it's fine. it's only one weekend. and not one child tantrumed from tiredness during dinner so i am happy.

GreenToes · 04/05/2011 18:39

YANBU. I have an uncle who insists on family meals being at 12 for lunch or 5 for dinner, so that that his children's schedules are not interrupted. The children are around the same age as your brother's and at that age they really ought to be able to fit in with other people. He could always give them a small snack to keep them going, so they'd still have room for the meal.

mumtoabeautifulbabyboy · 04/05/2011 18:39

You want to eat later, he wants to eat earlier. Up to your parents to decide then if neither of you will 'give in'. I suppose if his can't manage to wait until 6:30 but yours won't mind having it a 5 then 5 seems more sensible?

SandStorm · 04/05/2011 18:40

I have to be honest and say that with children that young I would always go for a lunch option.

Oakmaiden · 04/05/2011 18:44

I absolutely don't want to eat dinner so early. My kids can hang out until 6.30 so why can't his?

Equally - why should his children have to wait much longer than normal for there dinner just because YOU don't want to eat early?

Even if you arrive at the pub at 5, then by the time you have ordered and get the food it is likely to be getting on towards 6 o'clock. If oyu don't go til 6:30 then it is likely to be very late for the children.

And it is not just him who wants to eat early - it is his whole family. Whereas it is you and your family who want to eat late....

practicallyimperfect · 04/05/2011 18:44

I would go for lunch again. Ds is 20months and although he has never had strict routine he struggles that late. We are doing family lunch at 12 this weekend as I have just been to too many lunches where I am walking around with grumpy screaming, overtired boy.and they eat.

SarkyLady · 04/05/2011 18:48

Does it really matter?

Wouldn't occur to me to object tbh. Never going to please everyone. Why make a big deal of it?

SJisontheway · 04/05/2011 18:51

Why not compromise. 5.45. Sorted

ZZZenAgain · 04/05/2011 18:53

I think you'd best make it a lunch at the weekend if that is ok with your dad. Maybe you, db, mum and dad could do something nice in the evening too - something your mum and dad might enjoy - and the spouses take care of your dc for an evening.

anonacfr · 04/05/2011 18:54

I don't get this eating at 5/5.30 thing. Doesn't it mean children wake up at 5 in the morning starving? I would be if I had dinner so early.
My kids have a snack at 4, bath at 5.30 ish, dinner at 6.30 and then bed afterwards (upstairs a 7 and lights out at 7.30).

Isn't that more 'normal'?

HellNoSayItAintSo · 04/05/2011 18:56

He can feed his kids at 4 or 5, they can have nibbles and/or dessert with everyone else at the later meal.

It's not hard to accomodate everyone, unless someone is being controlling. I can't stand people who have to make everything about their children. Teach them a valuable life skill: how to fit in with others.

Cutiecat · 04/05/2011 18:57

I think YANBU, children should learn to be flexible. Why should 6 adults have to have their supper early to accommodate 2 children. This would never happen in any other country in Europe, children are always out for dinner with their parents. Our generation have gone a little bit far in terms of accomodating our children I think. (Runs to hide from all the people who think children should always come first).

FabbyChic · 04/05/2011 18:58

You shouldnt go to sleep on a full stomach, going to sleep one hour after you eat is not healthy, you need to give the food time to digest.

My children from birth always ate between 5 and 5.45.

They then had a tray at 8 or 9pm which consisted of biscuits, crisps, yoghurt.

They are now 23 and 18, never caused them any harm, and they both always slept through the night, neither eating breakfast as they did not want to get up and just eat when they was not hungry, yes I know you should eat breakfast, we just never have.

TheProvincialLady · 04/05/2011 19:00

My DC (4 and 2) would really struggle to eat at 6.30. It's not that we have been precious with their routines etc, far from it, but they just need to be eating at around 5-5.30 and in bed for 7-7.30 or they are crying and miserable. I've tried giving them a nap in the afternoon, sweets etc, but it makes no difference. Your brother's DC may be the same.

No adult wants to eat at 5 or even 6.30 on their birthday surely? Just go out for lunch if you can't get babysitters. Unless your dad prefers to eat at that time of course. Why don't you ask him?

NurseSunshine · 04/05/2011 19:03

YA BOTH BU to think that's it's your decision. Your parents should surely be able to decide what THEY want to do for THEIR special birthdays.

HellNoSayItAintSo · 04/05/2011 19:04

Fabby, thats not anymore true than it was the last time you proferred it. Your stomach has no idea if you're in bed or asleep, and digests away quite merrily either way.

anonacfr · 04/05/2011 19:06

But if you give your kids a snack before they go to bed they go to bed with a full stomach anyway?

I don't know I guess being French I followed the way we did things when I was growing up. Children eating meals at the same time as adults.

Never caused us any harm either. Grin

FabbyChic · 04/05/2011 19:08

Hellno. really? Blame my mother she is old! She told me that.

Dont forget when you are sleeping everything in your body slows down though! Now I know that is true!.

My kids never went to sleep early!.

FabbyChic · 04/05/2011 19:11

Im not wrong.

See here

Your stomach should not be too full, but not too empty. Wait at least three hours after dinner before going to sleep. Digestion slows down while asleep, and a full stomach may interrupt sleep. Do not eat heavy foods for the few hours prior to sleep. Similarly, you should avoid going to bed on an empty stomach, as a completely empty stomach may equally interfere with your sleeping patterns.

Going to sleep on a full stomach can cause broken sleep.

I knew I wasn't stupid despite being basically told I was.

squeakytoy · 04/05/2011 19:17

Fabby is right, you shouldnt eat much close to going to bed, it isnt an old wives tale. That is why so many people wake up with acid indigestion if they have eaten before they go to sleep. Also you are lying down, which also affects the digestion.

I would also say that going out to dinner at 7.30 is a bit late for kids so young really.

Sirzy · 04/05/2011 19:18

Ds likes it be in bed by 7 can sometimes push him til 7.30 but normally with grumps. He eats between 5 and half 5. Any later he is getting tired and refuses again with grumpiness.

If neither of you are willing/able to compromise then going out for lunch is surely a better idea?