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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to eat so early?

91 replies

Shakirasma · 04/05/2011 18:30

Mums birthday a couple of months ago, a special one. She decided she wanted to celebrate by way of a family meal out with myself, DB, and our families. A lovely idea.

I have 3 kids age 13, 8 and 4. DB has 2 kids aged 6 and 3 1/2.

DB and SIL were both off on the Friday and wanted to eat at about 5 because of the kids. DH was at work and neither of us wanted to eat a heavy meal that early. We would have preferred a later meal, but DB made a fuss about having to get babysitters and the kids missing out. We eventually agreed on a Sunday lunch instead.

Fast forward and it's my dads birthday next week, also a special one. I suggested a meal at a local pub. Although we would have preferred to eat around 7.30 - 8, I suggested 6.30ish to kepp DB happy. Yet again DB wants it earlier. Ne pointed out that the place opens at 5.

His reasoning is that his kids usually eat at 5. They would be starving by then, or he would have to feed them at home first then they wouldn't eat anything at the meal. My mum pointed out that it is a one off and they don't go to bed until 8, but he's having none of it.

AIBU to refuse to let him have it all his own way? It think I made a fair offer on the time. I really don't want it to become a big deal and spoil my dads birthday, but I absolutely don't want to eat dinner so early. My kids can hang out until 6.30 so why can't his?

OP posts:

Original poster

Shakirasma · 04/05/2011 19:19

When asked what time to go my dad left it to us to decide what was convenient. He is retired, so feels he can go anytime, but it's up to us to juggle work, kids etc.

I would attend whatever time he wanted if he had a preference, but I don't want him to feel he is siding with one or the other of us by having to choose now.

I really need to reach a de vision with my brother. I'm just miffed that I have already compromised by at least an hour where as he won't move an inch.

OP posts:

pointydog · 04/05/2011 19:20

I'd fit in with what kept the kids happiest. I really wouldn't care what time we ate.

Original poster

Shakirasma · 04/05/2011 19:20

It's my dad who wanted an evening meal, on his actual birthday.

I don't think tiredness will be a problem as his children go to bed at 8

OP posts:

VajazzHands · 04/05/2011 19:21

yabu you are a grown up, it wont kill you to throw out your schedule

Original poster

Shakirasma · 04/05/2011 19:23

Erm, my schedule will be completely thrown out, as will my childrens. But we don't mind because it's a one off for a special occasion.

It's my bro who refuses to alter his!

OP posts:

HellNoSayItAintSo · 04/05/2011 19:26

No, really, squeaky, it is a old wives tale. Digestion is a parasympathetic nervous system dominant process and hence is most stimulated when you are most relaxed. You digest better, as more blood flows through your enteric bloodstream which enhances absorption of gut breakdown products. Parasympathetic activation also stimulates salivary gland secretion, gastric activity and peristalsis.

Sirzy · 04/05/2011 19:28

Going at 6.30 though I doubt the children would be back by 8 tbf unless its going to be a very rushed meal!

OTTMummA · 04/05/2011 19:29

I think the issue is more that the Brother isn't comprimising at all, that is frankly rude and inconsiderate.
He and his children can and should not have it all their way all the time.
But OP, if the pub opens at 5pm and you all order food about 5.20 ish, then the food will take at least 30-45 mins so you're looking at eating from 6ish anyway.

pointydog · 04/05/2011 19:34

If I was arranging a meal that included young children, I'd fit in with their meal times and bed times as much as possible. If your children don't mind eating early (do they? ), I wouldn't make a fuss abut it.

HairyBeaver · 04/05/2011 19:34

Slightly OP but whenever I go to bed on a full stomach I wake up starving hungry! Whereas if I don't over eat before bed I'm fine in the morning, why is this??

Takeresponsibility · 04/05/2011 19:35

I work shifts, the 3 til midnight is an absolute bugger to fit food around, 6 til 3 means you are starving by 10 and a night shift from 6pm until 9am is a nightmare. No canteen, no kitchen we have a kettle and a microwave. Bizarre eating times haven't killed me yet and I have been doing this for 16 years.

Changing the odd meal time is inconvenient not life threatening - glad you and your brother do not have anything serious to worry about

Get some perspective.

vj32 · 04/05/2011 19:36

Why do you not want to eat at 5pm? (Realistically closer to 6pm by the time you get food.) your brother has given a reason - his kid's bedtimes - you haven't.

animula · 04/05/2011 19:37

I'd eat earlier, just in solidarity with how hard it is with small people. And glow with the smugness of virtuous generosity.

Also, did you know that food eaten after 6 has the effect of double the calories, or something?

So - virtuous, generous, smug, and slim.

unfitmother · 04/05/2011 19:41

Can't you compromise and say 5:45?
Take your time ordering and it shouldn't be too early.

squeakytoy · 04/05/2011 19:41

Hell, my GP would disagree with you there. As would any other nutrition or sleep expert.

Fiddledee · 04/05/2011 19:42

If I was your brother I would concede and bring two very tired and hungry young children and I think you would quickly realise that eating early would be the lesser of two evils. All that screaming is not great for your digestion.

anonacfr · 04/05/2011 19:44

Animula how come countries with late eating time (France Italy Spain etc) seem to have very low obesity rates compared to the UK?

Original poster

Shakirasma · 04/05/2011 19:46

He has not given his LEDs bedtime as a reason. It's because they will be hungry.

My point is that my kids normally eat at 5 - 5.30 too, yet they are able to eat late one night for special occasion.

My DH and I normally eat at around 8. He does not get home form work most days until 4.30 and the last thing he wants is a heavy meal as soon as hes showered.

I think I made a fair compromise to suit us all on a Friday evening but I am annoyed that he will not give a inch.

I think I will ring mum and dad later and insist they choose a time that they want to go. I will fit in with them, I just home DB will do the same.

OP posts:

Original poster

Shakirasma · 04/05/2011 19:47

I lo e the way people are commenting as though I know nothing about children lol

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 04/05/2011 19:48

Animula how come countries with late eating time (France Italy Spain etc) seem to have very low obesity rates compared to the UK?

Because the quality of their diet is better than the UK.

blindmelon · 04/05/2011 19:48

Hmm I can see his point as I have overriding memories of being dragged out for dinner with my inlaws, SIL and her 3 older kids last time we went to stay. Table was booked for 6.30, didn't eat til gone 7 and I was left trying to deal with my overtired and overexcited 3yo refusing to eat as she'd filled up on crisps while we were waiting, FIL muttering about wasted food, with baby screaming cos it was past her bedtime. All the while SIL sitting there smugly cos her kids were behaving nicely. It was a nightmare, never again! Go out for lunch!

blindmelon · 04/05/2011 19:48

animula · 04/05/2011 19:48

anonasfr - I think you're mistaking me for an expert - and my factoid for a fact. It was from a magazine: who knows if it's true.

However, don't those countries also stay up awfully late, and have a siesta during the day? And they have a diet that is rich is unsaturated fats, low in refined sugar and carbs? So perhaps it's a combination of diet, exercise, and a not over developed industrial food complex.

But that is all a bit off-piste - The lunch idea is rather good, imo.

pointydog · 04/05/2011 19:51

So it's your husband who's making a fuss? That sounds a bit silly. Why would an adult not be ready for a meal after working all day and not having much to eat?

Serenitysutton · 04/05/2011 19:52

Yanbu. I hate eating early, makes me feel like a middle aged dullard who has "meal days" (mince on a Monday, fish on a Tuesday etc)

Be nice to start at 5 but southern europe style... Eating until midnight.

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