To not want to eat so early?

[Shakirasma]

Mums birthday a couple of months ago, a special one. She decided she wanted to celebrate by way of a family meal out with myself, DB, and our families. A lovely idea.

I have 3 kids age 13, 8 and 4. DB has 2 kids aged 6 and 3 1/2.

DB and SIL were both off on the Friday and wanted to eat at about 5 because of the kids. DH was at work and neither of us wanted to eat a heavy meal that early. We would have preferred a later meal, but DB made a fuss about having to get babysitters and the kids missing out. We eventually agreed on a Sunday lunch instead.

Fast forward and it's my dads birthday next week, also a special one. I suggested a meal at a local pub. Although we would have preferred to eat around 7.30 - 8, I suggested 6.30ish to kepp DB happy. Yet again DB wants it earlier. Ne pointed out that the place opens at 5.

His reasoning is that his kids usually eat at 5. They would be starving by then, or he would have to feed them at home first then they wouldn't eat anything at the meal. My mum pointed out that it is a one off and they don't go to bed until 8, but he's having none of it.

AIBU to refuse to let him have it all his own way? It think I made a fair offer on the time. I really don't want it to become a big deal and spoil my dads birthday, but I absolutely don't want to eat dinner so early. My kids can hang out until 6.30 so why can't his?

I think having children at both ends of the scale that it is easier to get your children to eat earleir than it is to eat later.
My dd could have kept going had a nap and a snack earlier in the day and managed to stay up and eat later with everyone else.
DS1 there is no way on this earth he ever managed that. He was a good sleeper during the day but despite taht even if he had a good huge nap we had many family meals where he was grumpy and tired and being walked about all evening.
Also like other posters have said you need to factor in the fact that going at 5 still means you have to get in, seated, order meals and be served them so that hour and a half later may well be just too late for his dc's.

Gotta agree with your brother. His kids will be the ones screaming and ruinin the meal if you do it later because of over tiredness. I would hate to be sat next to your table that night if you didn't compromise.
When his kids are 8 and 13 you can eat at 8pm.
Men are rubbish communicators. He isn't telling you that he is putting his kids first coz men are rubbish at that. I admire his knowledge that the meal would be unenjoyable for all if it was later! Nice brother. Can I swap ?

Well that's that problem solved. DH has just found out he's working about 30 miles away from home next week and won't even be home until around 5.30.

We will have to come up with something else altogether. Probably for the best.

Thanks for all your comments x

I don't think Spain is a good example to use, it has the 3rd highest level of child obesity in the world anonacfr

Maybe lunch:) Then the children and your husband will all be happier!

MayDayChild makes a good point.

When we take our children out to dinner we ALWAYS go early, because frankly I don't want them behaving like children (and they are not badly behaved children!) and ruining someone else's child free evening out. I don't actually think it is appropriate to have a 3 1/2 year old out eating dinner in a restaurant after about 8pm. and if you don't go out 'til 6:30 then chances are you won't be finishing 'til around 9pm. Far too late in my opinion.

And yes, I know other countries consider it perfectly normal, but frankly we don't live in another country, we live in this one.

YANBU eating at 5 is not a treat for an adults birthday dinner. I totally agree with your point of view brother should compromise too... But lunch is a good plan. Hate inflexible parents who believe life revolves around DC.

How do people feed their children at 5pm? Presumably both parent are not working FT, can't see how it could be possible otherwise - I'm still at my desk at that time!

Consequently my children have never eaten before 6.30pm at the earliest, often later. Despite that, am not sure that I could be bothered going out for a meal during the week, weekend lunch seems far nicer (and generally more leisurely) to me.

YABU

Your GP wouldn't disagree, since what I wrote is perfectly true. I clearly didn't pull that out of my ass. Do you know anything about the human body?

Since when did all the adults in a group fit around the childrens schedule? Seriously, I don't often buy into the "jeez, kids/parents today..." bullshit, but this might be one of them. In my world the children fit in around the adults, which I thought was normal?

Am I the only grown up who eats at 5.30?! - I can't possibly wait any longer or I get too hungry!! My dinner is at 12, if I had to wait any longer I'd get grumpy and fussy, let alone the DC's.

OP... Have you and your brother at least decided which of you is paying? You or him or are you splitting the bill between you? Just wondered...

Most parents i know feed their kids at 5 or 5.30. We do too - quickly followed by their bedtime routine and are asleep by 7. Mine would stuggle to eat late and would be too exhausted to enjoy the family time together. Arriving at 6.30 and ordering soon after would mean finishing eating 9ish - so very very late for little ones. Mine would be too exhausted to function well the next day and would whinge after such a late night.

I know you've sorted it, but surely eating earlier doesn't negatively impact you and yours bar you don't want to...but eating later could be a pain in the butt for your brother?

I'm just eating dinner now. 9.34. Yum

KittySpencer I presume a lot eat separately. Growing up we always ate as a family so our evening meal depended on when my Dad got home from work but was never before 6pm and this was very unusual. Just about everyone else I knew would eat dinner at 5pm on the dot, everyday, without fail.

Add message | Report | Message poster MmaIvvy Wed 04-May-11 21:19:50
Am I the only grown up who eats at 5.30?! - I can't possibly wait any longer or I get too hungry!! My dinner is at 12, if I had to wait any longer I'd get grumpy and fussy, let alone the DC's.

All those of us who work can't ear at 12pm and 5.30pm
snacks are your friend! Then you can last until past 5.30

Hellno, due to my husbands illness, digestion has been a lengthy subject of conversation, both with the GP and consultants at our hospital. All of them are of the view that eating late at night before sleeping is not good for anyone.

The site that you copied your post from does not appear to be a verified medical site either.

I can assure you most categorically that eating late and thereafter being inactive (telly, sofa, bed) is a recipe for gastrointestinal disaster. I know this because many years of such activity have left me with a hiatus hernia which is happily now under control. If I eat anything much after 7 I am guaranteed an unpleasant night and the very real possibility of having to get up and be sick by midnight. So Fabby is quite correct.

Incidentally I am married to a senior nurse who specialises in bowel disorders who is happy to confirm that late eating is never a good idea if followed by inactivity and bed.

Food is a fuel for the body - you eat to function through the day when you are active and using energy. People don't function and burn calories fast a kip; the digestive system also slows down.

The old saying - Breakfast like a King, lunch like a Prince and dine like a pauper.

Never eat after dark is my motto. I eat twice a day - 8.30 (having got up at 5) and again at 12.30/1pm

Your metabolism also slows down while you are asleep, and means that any extra energy you have consumed, is not being burned off, and will be stored as fat. That is also a medical fact, not a myth.

We need food to give us energy, obviously when sleeping, we do not use as much energy, and sleep is meant to be the body recharging our body.

Very wise Troisgarcons and very true Squeaky - I can't quite grasp why this should be difficult for anyone to get to grips with? Makes perfect sense to me and as I say, I speak from experience. Small evening meal early on = good night, no pain and no puke. I used to think nothing of eating a curry at 11pm which is probably why I'm in this mess now.

Sorry, probably with your brother here. Have small ones myself, and a late meal would be my idea of hell with them. We had to miss my father's 70th birthday meal, as rest of family insisted on a sit-down at 7-my 3 are in bed at that time, plus they live an hours drive away. My Dsis, and DB all live close and have older children but we're wiling to compromise for us to be able to attend-offer of lunch would have been fab and allowed whole family tomb ther and actually enjoy it!

Were UNwilling to compromise rather!

I can see how eating late can cause you digestive problems that night, or the next day, but how can it build up damage to hit years later ? The foods passed through within hours.