To not want to eat so early?

[Shakirasma]

Mums birthday a couple of months ago, a special one. She decided she wanted to celebrate by way of a family meal out with myself, DB, and our families. A lovely idea.

I have 3 kids age 13, 8 and 4. DB has 2 kids aged 6 and 3 1/2.

DB and SIL were both off on the Friday and wanted to eat at about 5 because of the kids. DH was at work and neither of us wanted to eat a heavy meal that early. We would have preferred a later meal, but DB made a fuss about having to get babysitters and the kids missing out. We eventually agreed on a Sunday lunch instead.

Fast forward and it's my dads birthday next week, also a special one. I suggested a meal at a local pub. Although we would have preferred to eat around 7.30 - 8, I suggested 6.30ish to kepp DB happy. Yet again DB wants it earlier. Ne pointed out that the place opens at 5.

His reasoning is that his kids usually eat at 5. They would be starving by then, or he would have to feed them at home first then they wouldn't eat anything at the meal. My mum pointed out that it is a one off and they don't go to bed until 8, but he's having none of it.

AIBU to refuse to let him have it all his own way? It think I made a fair offer on the time. I really don't want it to become a big deal and spoil my dads birthday, but I absolutely don't want to eat dinner so early. My kids can hang out until 6.30 so why can't his?

What a fuss about nothing. I can't believe you can't see the irony of complaining about your brother while at the same time squawking "I want, I want". Really, you have to eat an hour earlier. Big deal. What your kids are happy to do bears no relation to what his kids are happy to do. All I can see is you wanting it your way and that's it.

Serenity - because years and years of untreated acid reflux eventually wears away at your oesophagus and surrounding area until one day it just goes pear shaped.

Eating late gives you night sweats and poor sleep. Plus, I believe in getting my kids in bed as soon as possible proper bedtimes.

OP; you probably know that 3.5 yr olds can be mighty unpleasant in the late evening. I would say go early for the sake of the littlest one or get a sitter or go out for lunch as others have suggested.

OP I agree with you. Children's routine should be able to be flexible.My SIL is like this -everything has to revolve around her children's routine. I see your youngest is 4. You seem to have brought up your children like I brought up mine - to be able to be flexible. And I had 4 and no they weren't all "easy" babies/toddlers.

Waves at MmaIvvy I like to eat 'early' too, I have just found out I am waaaaaaaaaaay off the norm I work shifts (not everyone works 9-5 compo) so feel that I'm eating really late at 8pm!

I think you are both BU. My DD eats somewhere between 4-5pm, and goes to sleep at 8. My IL's love eating out late and whereas I don't keep rigidly to a routine with DD, if I was taking her out for a meal that wasn't starting until after 6:30 at night then I would have to feed DD before the meal so she wouldn't be 'part of it'. So I can see where your Brother is coming from, however as others have suggested he could always feed his DC's first and then let them have a pudding when they got there.

My DH's parents had 2 'big' birthdays last year and we did a family meal at lunch time on the Sunday for both and an 'adults' only meal on another night.

personally think that seeing as you compromised for the first birthday and you agreed to a lunch then he should compromise on the time for the second birthday. his kids aren't babies, surely a 6 and 3 and a half year old can wait a little while for a one off occasion. or they can have something small to 'tide them over'. i think he's being unreasonable.

TBH I think YABU and abit of a pain to make a fuss about it. Just eat a smaller portion then. It is about the PEOPLE not the food.

Try to be a bit flexible, and put others before yourself...

YANBU. My kids need to eat at five and are horrid when hungry. I always feed them at home before we go anywhere, and they are always happy to have a second meal. Ridiculous to expect a load of adult to eat at kiddie time especially since you are supposed to be celebrating an adult's birthday
.

yabu.
the only people who you seem to want to eat later for is you and your husband. you say that even your children are used to eating earlier. if you meet at 5 then you wont eat till 5.30- 5.45, then 90 mins for eating and chatting brings you up to at least 7pm- 7.45. and you say his children go to bed at 8. so that is enough time to get home.
if you meet at 6.30, you eat at 7, then 90 mins means you wont finish till 8.30 and then gettin home means his children are not going to bed until well after their bed time.
also, you are now expecting all the plans to change for your husbands work commitments, so you are more than happy to let everyone else fit around your needs.

this sounds like a silly sibling spat and is not really about meal times. just let your dad decide

but I do think that at age that they can bear to eat a little bit later.....

so both you and bro ABU

To those of you with wonderful flexible kids who have to fit in with your life style then good for you! Mine just can't stay up, or eat late. They get hungry then tired, and with the best will in the world, I have before taken sandwiches/snacks to avoid the hunger thing,but can't take anything to avoid the too tired thing! Even if mine have the option of staying up late for special occasions, they still request to go to bed by 8 as they are tired (7,5,2). And quite frankly, forcing them to stay up would not make the occasion an enjoyable one for anyone at the table, and would certainly lead to holy hell by the time we reached home. So for me, it'd be unreasonable to purposely put us, them, and rest of family in that situation.

My DD is nearly three and as flexible as I'd like us all to be, she's yawning her head off by 6.30 and fast asleep by 7.30 so dinner has always been 5. When I've tried to keep her up later she just bricks it completely and our evening is spoiled anyway. We always celebrate at lunchtime and book a babysitter for her for evening events. When she's older she'll manage to stay up longer, but right now there's no point forcing flexibility on her, ime.

Happymm - exactly the same situation with our family. I'd love to be more flexible but it's not worth it at the moment for us. We do evening celebrations without her (babysitter) and daytime celebrations with her.

does acid reflux stay dormant in your body then? I thought it caused you problems whilst it was "refluxing" (if you like) but then in time or with medicationm died down?

KittySpencer, when I was a child I ate at the CM's and then at nursery before my Dad picked me up at 5.30pm; my DD also eats at her CM's house so that when I pick her up at 5.45pm we come home and I don't have to faff around making her dinner - we can just relax and enjoy each other's company until her bedtime. I do pay extra for this though.

I know this is not an issue for you any more (but no doubt it will be again at the next family meal?)

I have young children and YABU, your kids bar 1 are much older and I would expect them to be able to tolerate a late bedtime without much trouble, mine eat any time between 5 and 6 for a 7 ish betdtime if your are not getting to the table till 6.30 the meal will not be till at least 7 and finished by 8.30-9 , mine would be tired irritable and generally difficult by that point, and if I could avoid that scenario particularly where others are enjoying childfree evenings then I would!

I think you need to consider the needs of the whole party, and to be frank just because you compromised last time does not make his children any older or more able to cope with a later bedtime etc.