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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So AIBU about this wedding or is my DH BU??

92 replies

Ealingkate · 03/05/2011 14:30

We received an invitation to my DH's MBA friends wedding - it is a 3 day affair in Herefordshire, we're in Ealing. He sees him for beers maybe 3 or 4 times a year, I have never met him, (there hasn't ever been a with partners evening out, which is fine).
He obviously wants to go, it is, however, on the same weekend as the DC's summer fete.
He says that he's a lovely guy and he would like to develop the friendship - I say that it seems unlikely as we're about to move out of London and have 3DCs, they don't have kids (and I don't think they want any) and work in London.

So would you go??

OP posts:
lesley33 · 03/05/2011 14:32

Can he go by himself? If not I think I would go. After all there is only going to be 1 wedding - hopefully; whilst summer fetes and the like do come round again.

BitOfFun · 03/05/2011 14:32

Yes, I would. Fêtes are dull. Weddings aren't much better, but if he wants to see his friend get married, it seems churlish to refuse, unless there's a compelling reason not to go.

justpaddling · 03/05/2011 14:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nickelbabe · 03/05/2011 14:33

you could buy any raffle tickets in advance, and you will see photos.

the only time it would be a problem is if your DCs were performing in a show, or if they are in charge of a stall.

CurrySpice · 03/05/2011 14:34

I think 3 days is a bit much but I certainly wouldn't put off doing anything for the school fete!!!

Tryharder · 03/05/2011 14:35

I'd go. If you were expecting the kids to miss their GCSE exams, then yes, don't go but a summer fete???

Or even better, can't you leave the kids with grandma who can take them to their summer fete and you go with your DH for a 3 day break. Win-win!

Shakirasma · 03/05/2011 14:36

What is so special about the fête? Are the kids performing or something?

Cos if not it seems like the lamest excuse ever.

NinkyNonker · 03/05/2011 14:38

Blimey, I'd go to the wedding. It is possible to be friends with people who don't have children and aren't nearby you know.

PlopPlopPing · 03/05/2011 14:41

I don't see that a fete is a good enough reason to miss your DHs friends wedding. You should go along and meet him.

fatlazymummy · 03/05/2011 14:41

It would depend on how expensive it was going to be and whether the children are invited.
I usually forget things like fetes anyway so that wouldn't be a factor.

CurrySpice · 03/05/2011 14:43

In fact, I look for reasons NOT to go to the fete tbh Blush

Original poster
Ealingkate · 03/05/2011 14:45

I suppose it's just the not knowing them , not knowing anyone else there. We haven't developed the friendship while we live in the same city, or even met up with them - the summer fun day is important to the DCs - it normally is a great day for them. We won't even go the actual wedding as that's on the Friday and I won't be taking the DCs out of school for it.

OP posts:
DottyDot · 03/05/2011 14:46

I'd send DH off on his own to the wedding - he'll have a good time and you can go to the fete. I recently went to a work colleague's wedding over a weekend on my own - had a great time and dp didn't mind as she doesn't like really know him. Grin

Balsam · 03/05/2011 14:48

I think you're being unreasonable. A wedding trumps a fete and while you may not know the couple, it's important to your DH. How would you feel if it was one if your mates?

Is there a compromise whereby you and DH go to the wedding and the kids do the fete with grandma or someone?

rubyrubyruby · 03/05/2011 14:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PlopPlopPing · 03/05/2011 14:52

You DH is keen to build his friendship with his friend. I don't see why you are being difficult about it.

chopchopbusybusy · 03/05/2011 14:53

I don't know if I'd go to the wedding or not. I don't really enjoy weddings - but I do know I really hate school fetes. Grin. If tge actual wedding is on the friday and you're not going, what is on the Saturday and Sunday?

GwendolineMaryLacey · 03/05/2011 14:54

Send DH on his own. I wouldn't miss something I'd already planned for the wedding of someone I had never met.

If your dcs are anything like my nieces, they get really excited about the summer fete, but my eldest niece is always part of the Irish dancing display.

lesley33 · 03/05/2011 14:54

I don't think it really matters whether the friendship develops more or not. Your DH wants to go to a friends wedding. I don't think he needs to justify this in terms of how often he sees his friend now or how often in the future.

Your daughters enjoy the summer fete, but I am sure you would miss it if there was something that you thought was important to go for. Whether your children go or not, I think you need to accept that your DH's wish to go to a friends wedding is a perfectly reasonable one and it needs to be accommodated so he can go.

waterrat · 03/05/2011 14:54

YANBU. I completely understand why you dont want to go to the wedding of a couple you barely know and are clearly unlikely to develop a relationship with. Stick to your guns - let him go for a day if he wants but I wouldnt bother if I was you.

Original poster
Ealingkate · 03/05/2011 14:55

rubyrubyruby
Why AIBVU??

OP posts:
thumbwitch · 03/05/2011 14:56

I'd let him go on his own, tbh. Sounds boring as hell if you don't know anyone else there - and you'd miss the DC's fete as well, so send him off to have "fun" at this wedding by himself. :)

Original poster
Ealingkate · 03/05/2011 14:57

I think I may have to keep a tally of the votes because I'm now v confused

OP posts:
rubyrubyruby · 03/05/2011 14:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Ealingkate · 03/05/2011 15:00

I don't think he will want to go on his own - the rest of the weekend looks like this

Saturday, July 2
?10:00 - 11:00 'Morning after' breakfast, Mr & Mrs (Newlywed Game) in Lounge
?13:30: Wine and Cheese tasting, featuring local Herefordshire cheese
?19:30: Murder Mystery Dinner. Attire: 'Hollywood', from charity shop
?11:00 -? Late night Karaoke, game room, or movie

Sunday, July 3
?09:00 Self-serve breakfast
?12:00 Independence Day barbeque, with lawn games
?18:00 Movie night. Join us for flatbread pizza and popcorn

Monday, July 4
?09:00 Self-serve breakfast
?12:00 Check out

OP posts:
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