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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So AIBU about this wedding or is my DH BU??

92 replies

Ealingkate · 03/05/2011 14:30

We received an invitation to my DH's MBA friends wedding - it is a 3 day affair in Herefordshire, we're in Ealing. He sees him for beers maybe 3 or 4 times a year, I have never met him, (there hasn't ever been a with partners evening out, which is fine).
He obviously wants to go, it is, however, on the same weekend as the DC's summer fete.
He says that he's a lovely guy and he would like to develop the friendship - I say that it seems unlikely as we're about to move out of London and have 3DCs, they don't have kids (and I don't think they want any) and work in London.

So would you go??

OP posts:
PlopPlopPing · 03/05/2011 15:00

I think you should make the effort to get to know his friend. Why wouldn't you want to anyway?!

Ragwort · 03/05/2011 15:01

I wouldn't go as I am not keen on weddings (esp. 3 day ones) and I love school fetes Grin . I would suggest DH goes on his own - is that an option?

ChaoticAngelQueenofAnarchy · 03/05/2011 15:02

Send your DH on his own. You and the dc can go to the fete and the dc don't have to miss school.

Checkmate · 03/05/2011 15:02

Are your DC invited to the wedding?

If so, its very generous of the bride and groom, and I would go as a family.

If not, and you have childcare, I'd leave them with grandma and take the excuse for a grown up weekend. If you don't have childcare I'd just let DH go.

Ultimately, the friends you usually keep are the ones that become friends with both of you, and it seems churlish to not make any effort at getting to know them, when they've invited you both to such a special day.

Ragwort · 03/05/2011 15:03

Sorry - just seen the 'wedding programme' - how can people really think that their friends & family can spare so much time to get involved in their wedding celebrations. How old is this couple?

ChaoticAngelQueenofAnarchy · 03/05/2011 15:05

After having read your last post I still say send DH on his own. FFS who needs a full weekend to get married Hmm

Btw they're a day early for Independence Day Wink

CurrySpice · 03/05/2011 15:07

What ragwort said. That sounds too much like forced jollity to me

Can you two not just go to the wedding and let someone else go to the fete?

Bogeyface · 03/05/2011 15:07

There are 2 ways of looking at it....

"Why would I spend 3 days with people I dont know?"

or

"3 days of activities is a good way to get to know these people"

Its up to you which way you choose to see it, but given that it is very important to your DH and you never know, you might actually get on well with them, I think you should try and see it in the more positive light. You do sound a bit childish about it at the moment tbh.

ChaoticAngelQueenofAnarchy · 03/05/2011 15:11

"3 days of activities is a good way to get to know these people"

Yes, if they're the type of activities that you'd enjoy but not if you don't.

sausagesandmarmelade · 03/05/2011 15:11

This guys wedding is important to your DH...so you should go.

Not sure why the fete is important, especially as you are intending to move away...and the children will inevitably lose their ties with the school anyway.

sausagesandmarmelade · 03/05/2011 15:13

I think the schedule looks brilliant....but if you think it's too much then perhaps you can reach a compromise and go for the wedding day only.

Original poster
Ealingkate · 03/05/2011 15:14

Thanks Bogeyface, childish eh??
I'm not really sure what I would to do with the 3DCs who are 8,5 and 2 in the evening as we will have to stay at a cottage nearby and I'm not sure if they would be invited to the Murder Mystery!.
I think we may end up going up there on the Sunday for the BBQ and lawn games, which I am more than happy to do and come back late that evening (well that is the thought that has come to me whilst looking at the schedule of events).

OP posts:
Original poster
Ealingkate · 03/05/2011 15:15

Got to go to school for pickup. Smile will check back in later.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 03/05/2011 15:18

Well I'm sorry if you dont like to hear it but saying "it isnt my friend so I am not going" despite knowing how important it is to your OH is childish, and selfish to boot.

Would it really kill you to miss one summer fete to do something that means alot to your husband?

COCKadoodledooo · 03/05/2011 15:23

Bugger. If it was the same weekend as my dc's school fete I'd have offered to go instead of you Grin

Could you go for a day of it if you can't/don't want to make the rest? Who's footing the bill for accommodation?

Sarsaparilllla · 03/05/2011 15:23

Are summer fete's really that important? Confused

I'd go to the wedding, it sounds like fun and you don't have to stay the full 3 days if that's a bit much?

Whether or not they have kids is irrelevant as to whether you can be become friends with these people, give it a chance!!!!

Quenelle · 03/05/2011 15:26

I would definitely not expect DH to not go because of a summer fete. And unless I were committed to helping at the fete, or my DC were involved somehow, I would get someone to look after the children and go and enjoy a long weekend with DH.

It looks like a lot of fun and a chance to make some new mutual friends with DH.

Northeastgirl · 03/05/2011 15:32

I can sympathise with not wanting to take kids out of school. That's a valid reason for them not to go (if they were even invited?), but I'd be really upset if someone prioritised a school fete over my wedding!

If it were one of your friends who was getting married, would the fete still seem so important?

GwendolineMaryLacey · 03/05/2011 15:33

Oh my God that programme looks hideous and very cheeky of the couple to assume that people will want to free up that much time for them. The fete is looking more and more tempting!

lesley33 · 03/05/2011 15:39

I think all of us at times socialise with people we don't know or don't like because they are friends of our partners. If I was your partner I would be very annoyed that you see a school fete as more important than my friend's wedding.
YABU

snice · 03/05/2011 15:39

the wedding sounds like hell on earth if you don't know anyone

harrietthespook · 03/05/2011 15:42

I kind of see what the OP is saying. It's hard enough to keep up with people you are already close with and I would also question whether it's really conceivable that if you haven't developed a best friendship up to now will you really when you're aren't in the same town.

That schedule looks exhausting too - too much forced getting to know one another as another poster put it. But then I HATE murder mysteries with a passion after having to do them a couple of times on away weekends for work during the dotcom era when stupid banks had much more money than sense/good taste.

I suspect many of those activities are designed to keep the Yanks occupied who have come from abroad - they must be Yank if they're having that Independence do. (I'm yank.) So, I doubt you will be expected to attend it all (and pay for a hotel for 3 nights!!)

But I think it is reasonable for your DH to want to go to the wedding, so I would just do that if you can get help for Friday.

harrietthespook · 03/05/2011 15:42

(It's fecking dress up murder mystery too. Awful!)

ENormaSnob · 03/05/2011 15:56

I don't like weddings or fetes tbh Grin

I would go for the wedding but not the whole weekend of forced fun.

Original poster
Ealingkate · 03/05/2011 16:00

AIBU - really isn't for the faint hearted is it??
We are still in the process of deciding - I haven't said that I won't go.
And if this friendship is so important, why have we not met up before??

OP posts: