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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off with lack of thought from family AGAIN

43 replies

geordieminx · 03/05/2011 11:38

ds is 4 tomorrow. He has 2 cards to open. Dh and I both have close families, sisters, aunts, etc, and not one of them has bothered their arse to get card here the day before his birthday. I know it's not the end of the world, and some will come tomorrow but it just makes me a wee bit sad.

SIL lives 200 miles away, rang yesterday to see what he would like...what's the point in that??? Clearly she wouldn't be able to get it to him by wednesday...

His birthday is on the same day every year... I know this is only the 4th but ARGH

(((disclaimer have PMT))))

Am tempted to go to card shop and buy cards... Would that be sad???

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 03/05/2011 11:40

The postman will be delivering tomorrow wont he? That is his actual birthday, and it has been a long bank holiday weekend, so I wouldnt get too stressed yet! Anything posted today and sent special delivery will arrive tomorrow.

LindyHemming · 03/05/2011 11:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

worraliberty · 03/05/2011 11:41

So if you know some will come tomorrow what's the problem?

And as for your SIL, she might have other things going on that doesn't make your son her top priority Confused

As long as you and DH have got him something, I'm sure he'll be very happy.

D0G · 03/05/2011 11:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ragwort · 03/05/2011 11:43

I wouldn't expect any cards before the day - can't understand why you are worrying about this - he's only 4 - he won't know if he gets 2 cards or 20. Try not to let birthdays become 'all about the cards and presents'.

Whare are you planning to do as a family - make sure you have a nice day, cake etc. Grin.

SacreLao · 03/05/2011 11:44

As long as he has presents from you I doubt he will notice but this does annoy me also. I wouldn't go and buy cards as then you have the problem of him asking why suchabody sent 2 cards when the real one's arrive.

MixedClassBaby · 03/05/2011 11:46

I tend to post first class the day before so that cards/gifts arrive on the day. If your DS is 4 then he surely wouldn't be upset by receiving extra cards later in the day unless he picks up stress from you?

I think it would be sad to go to the shop and buy cards yourself. A bit like when Mr Bean posts himself a Christmas card.

Original poster
geordieminx · 03/05/2011 11:48

I know SIL might have other things on, strangely enough I have other things on too, but manage to get cards and presents to her 4 kids on time, have also sent job and driving test cards recently.

You are right about the post, its usually 11.30 here, but it will be fine.

Just pisses me off, my birthday is 4 days after Xmas so cards were usually arriving into the new year... By which point they went straight into the bin.

OP posts:
sowhatshallido · 03/05/2011 11:51

My sil never remembers or sometimes sends very late cards - it has just become a standing (good natured) joke with the dcs - oh aunty xxxxx has forgotten again!
They are not bothered!

fearnelinen · 03/05/2011 11:53

YABU - your SIL's present is likely to get there on the day if she bought & wrapped it yesterday and posted it today - pretty well organised I'd say.

You are expecting cards to arrive tomorrow so what's the problem? By going to the shops to provide him with copious (fake) material expressions of love, you are teaching him to be selfish and grabby.

However, come back here tomorrow if no-one has rung, sent anything or even text and I will empathise!

Relax and enjoy the massive excitement that is a 4th birthday!

fearnelinen · 03/05/2011 11:55

She has 4 kids!!! Give her a break!

As an aside, I know it's not good, but birthdays in the 1st few days of a month are always a bit of a surprise to me as I don't see them until I turn the calendar over!

perfumedlife · 03/05/2011 11:56

My birthday tomorrow too and already I have four gift bags and cards to open so I do understand why you feel things may not arrive. Doubly disappointing if only one card arrives in tomorrow's post. He is young enough to only really want the pressies though. My ds barely looks at the cards, unless money flutters out Grin

Happy Birthday to your ds tomorrow Smile

Hassled · 03/05/2011 11:56

I'm absolutely rubbish with sending cards and am never fussed if I receive any or not - texts, emails, phone calls mean more to me probably. My ILs, however, take the giving and receiving of cards very very seriously which baffled the hell out of me for ages.

What I'm saying is that people have different views on the card front - and your DS will care far more about the presents. Hope he has a good day.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 03/05/2011 11:58

geordieminx... I think you need to look at the way you feel about birthdays and christmas cards... you chucked yours straight in the bin because they were late? Confused

It is a bit irritating when cards/pressies arrive a bit late but so what? It's not the end of the world. You seem to have a few hang-ups yourself about this and it would be a shame to pass them on to your DS. He has family members who care about him, cards and presents are peripheral to that, really, aren't they? Agree with the posters who advise you to be light-hearted with your DS about it, he really won't mind.

Please don't make a huge fuss about it to your inlaws, just let them know when the card/present arrived and thank them nicely. Anything else is going to lead to bad feelings. If I sent something and it arrived late, a confirmation that it arrived on whichever (late) date would nudge me to organise myself better for next year.

Hope your DS has a lovely day, I'm sure he will. :)

Original poster
geordieminx · 03/05/2011 11:59

To be fair all 4 of SIL's are 18+ but I take the advice... I shall be back tomorrow..my family are equally as crap so its unlikely that the postie is going to give himself a hernia tomorrow Grin

OP posts:
lesley33 · 03/05/2011 11:59

I have never come across the expectation that cards get there before a child's birthday. As long as cards get there on the day - and presents, surely thats fine? I am honestly surprised that some people have the expectation that cards and presents get there before a birthday.

Your family might not, like me, know that you have this expectation.

GypsyMoth · 03/05/2011 12:01

maybe now is the time to lower your expectations about birthdays....they just arent important to some people!

lesley33 · 03/05/2011 12:01

Oh I see your post doesn't arrive till very late - is that why you want them the day before? Our post comes fairle early so this wouldn't even have occured to me.

Original poster
geordieminx · 03/05/2011 12:02

I've always sent so that they are there for the morning

(((I must be weird)))

While I am on though I am still waiting on 5 replies to party Hmm

OP posts:
perfumedlife · 03/05/2011 12:04

Ah, now that would piss me off a little. I think it's such bad manners. I know it's unlikely to be a sit down dinner at a kids party, but it's good manners to accept/decline in good time, just for your own planning/sanity.

Have a sent a text reminder?

perfumedlife · 03/05/2011 12:05

Have you sent a text, sorry.

Original poster
geordieminx · 03/05/2011 12:06

Witch you are right it us my hang up. Having a birthday so close to Xmas always felt like it was squashed in, but yes, if cards arrived a week or more after birthday they were opened and binned, although that probably has more to do with having endured 6 weeks of xmas cards and decorations I was sick of the sight of them Grin

OP posts:
lesley33 · 03/05/2011 12:08

Just to say that although I think it is rude to always send birthday cards and presents late for children; if this happens very occasionally I would always assume there is a good reason. Lots of crap things happen in people's lives that you may not always know about, that mean making sure a card or present gets there on time isn't top of people's agenda.

Things myself and close friends have had happen to us that inlaws and some family members would not know about include a serious cancer scare, miscarriage, rape and an abortion. Sometimes you need to keep a sense of perspective.

I remember as a child a classmate saying her parents had forgotten her birthday. Now that is seriously bad!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 03/05/2011 12:08

Ahhhh... the perils of being a late December/early January baby, geordieminx... from one to another, I emphaise. Grin

FabbyChic · 03/05/2011 12:09

Don;t forget it has been bank holidays and there has been no post.

I feel for you, because I too believe that cards should be there the morning of their birthday when they wake up.