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AIBU?

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Original poster

Parents supplying alcohol to teens. Is this normal?

86 replies

littlejo67 · 01/05/2011 00:02

My Ds is 15 and went away recently on a weekend rugby tour. They were told in a meeting previously that no alcohol was allowed as the holiday camp they were staying at had very strict rules.
I felt reassured as I dont let him or his older brother (17) drink at all not even xmas.

During the tour an adult team manager supplied alcohol to my sons room as his son was staying in the same appartment. He said not to go outside with it. Also other players had brought there own which must have been bought by adults/parents.

The photos on my sons Fb have cans of alcohol in, and they all looked well happyHmm. I want to say something but realise that this would totally humilate my son and single him out as being different.
I am thinking WTF! I would never supply alcohol to a minor that I was responsible for. My son had a great time but somehow I am left with shock and irritation. Am I over reacting?

OP posts:
hairylights · 01/05/2011 00:11

Yabu to some extent. If you think that your ds1 & 2 never drink then you are probably being naive. My dsd was allowed "reef" or other drinks - not excessively - from about 14 omwards. We wanted to help her adopt a sensible attitude to alcohol and so she didn't feel it was something she had to be sneaky about. She's now a sensible 19 year old who enjoys a drink responsibly.

squeakytoy · 01/05/2011 00:15

I think you are being incredibly harsh to ban a 17yr old from drinking any alcohol.

What do you think will magically happen when he is 18?

It is not illegal to let a teen drink at home, and it is far more sensible to allow them to gradually become used to the taste and effect of alcohol through their teens than suddenly let them loose at 18 into situations where they are inept and have no idea how much to drink, and put themselves at risk.

You are completely over-reacting, and run the risk of your kids hiding any drinking that they do, and that is not a healthy relationship to have.

PrettyCandles · 01/05/2011 00:24

I think both you and the team manager are/were BU. If alcohol is banned on that site, and the staff emphasised thus, then what on earth were they doing encouraging their charges to break the rules?!

But as fir your attitude at home, I think you do your boys a dis-service. What do you think is going to happen when they turn 18, or whatever arbitrary age you have set to allow them to drink openly? Have you taught them how to drink sensibly? Or is alcohol the Great Taboo, that they will gleefully break with a massive binge ending with a 999 call? And do you really believe that they have not already tried alcohol behind your back? they may even ^be regular drinkers...

AgentZigzag · 01/05/2011 00:24

Why have you banned them from drinking any at all?

I see being a parent as equipping the DC with the skills they'll need to be a successful and happy adult.

Part of the adult world is alcohol, so you have to teach them about what's OK to drink, and to know what it feels like to have had enough that you should be stopping.

It can only be learnt by experience IMO.

I'm not sure about the adult supplying a 15 YO with beers, of course it's not strictly alright, but maybe he thought that nobody would take offence at 15 YOs having a beer?

I wouldn't embarrass your son by saying anything, not if you want him to ever show his face again.

theglove · 01/05/2011 00:28

I think it's fine and probably the best environment to drink alcohol when young. He's sporty and a rugby player!
Still be watchful though if possible, I don't think it'll hurt to let him know you disapprove a bit. I feel I started drinking far too early and regularly, and now for various reasons, regret this.

colditz · 01/05/2011 00:30

yes, you are over reacting. You have the right to feel irritated and agrieved but please don't EVER show your Ds's up infront of their friends about this.

squeakytoy · 01/05/2011 00:33

I can also almost guarantee that if you do say anything, in front of their mates, it will backfire horrendously as they will most likely go out of their way in front of their mates to prove they take no notice of your drinking ban.

mayorquimby · 01/05/2011 00:34

Probably an idiot to be so open about it and so blatently contavening the rules. The usual on our rugby tours was the blind eye "none of you can drink, but we won't really be watching" approach.

TBF I think he was out of order, he can't be the one to decide if someone elses kid is allowed to drink but i think his only mistake was to do so while in a position of authority and to do so while so out in the open about it.

cat64 · 01/05/2011 00:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mayorquimby · 01/05/2011 00:36

sorry meant the parent was an idiot to be so blatant about providing booze and ignopring the agreement, rather than you. also your son and his mates are probably idiots to put pics of them drinking on their fb when at least some of them will have known they weren't allowed

sharbie · 01/05/2011 00:37

i agree with cat and i think 15 is too young to drink esp when away from parental supervision

Original poster
littlejo67 · 01/05/2011 00:50

Squeeky - its not a ban. My husband and I dont really drink in the house so is never come up as an issue.

Hairy - not being naive, my Ds has drunk at a party before. Just did not expect responsible adults to be suppying it to other peoples children.

Pretty - You imply that at 18 they will suddenly get really drunk and need a trip to A and E. So letting them drink underage will stop this??

I can see that you all think that somehow giving children alcohol is equiping them with life skills. I think you need boundaries for teens, your their parent not their drinking buddy.

They are exposed to alcohol when socialising but they know I dont approve.

We have a drinking culture in the uk especially with teens. The consensus is then that letting them drink protects them -

You have not read current research then.....

OP posts:
cat64 · 01/05/2011 00:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MillyR · 01/05/2011 00:53

They are not drinking underage. The legal drinking age is 5. It just isn't 5 in a pub.

MillyR · 01/05/2011 00:56

The rugby tour thing is totally wrong. They should not have been supplied with alcohol by someone in charge of the tour.

But the OP is also being unreasonable if she is extending that example to criticise any adult supplying an under 18 with alcohol in any situation.

mayorquimby · 01/05/2011 00:58

"rather than the main point, which is an adult, away from home and responsible for other people's children has supplied them with alcohol."

which would be my main point. As someone who drank extensively through their teens and has every intention of making alcohol available/normal to my kids when they are teens this is the huge issue. It was not this parents individual decision to make. Even if you think the op is wrong/delusional to try and keep alcohol from her kids that's completely different to another parent deciding it's fine to give her kids drink.
If the parents had snuc off and sourced booze behind the parents bacjk, then fine you can't blame the parents. these things happen. But voluntarily giving them booze without consulting their parents first is just juvenile,idiotic and completely irresponsible

Original poster
littlejo67 · 01/05/2011 00:59

Cat- Teachers - thats what crossed my mind. I felt like complaining to the Manager supplying the alcohol. Though I may wait to see if this is an ongoing issue.

Major & glove - can see where you coming from, thanks for the imput.

Sharbie - nice to know that others think 15 is too young as well.

Cold & Squeaky - where did I say that I would show him up in front of his mates? That would be terrible. I would only have mentioned it to the responsible adult supplying the alcohol.

OP posts:
GitAwfMayLend · 01/05/2011 01:02

I think the rugby tour manager is bloody stupid for giving booze to a 15 year old. I think that is completely inappropriate, I would be hugely pissed off if an adult looking after my 15 year old plied her with booze on a residential. Rugby or not. It's bloody wrong, and also stupid, sureley he knows that kids will post it on facebook.

I am pretty liberal with alcohol, dd is allowed a glass or two at parties, xmas, new year, weddings etc. Also she can have a glass of wine or cider when we go out for dinner (this is legal btw for 14 years and up as long as they are eating also).

But I would not be happy with someone else being liberal and giving her booze whilst she is away from home.

annawintour · 01/05/2011 01:03

This is a really interesting thread.

I wonder if the responses would have been different if a male parent/guardian had provided alcohol to female sport team members.

I agree that posters seem to be supporting the drinking culture. It is all very well introducing your own child to drink and thinking that you are doing it in a measured manner, but you need to be aware of the wider culture, which often is a binge drink all you can and get smashed culture. But then I know someone who died after getting too drunk at a rugby after-party following a school rugby game. I also had a relative killed by an inexperienced teenager driver and drinker.

I'd be livid - cat64 I agree completely with your last post.

MillyR · 01/05/2011 01:03

The title of the thread is 'parents supplying alcohol to teens - is this normal?'

The answer is yes, it is normal.

A tour manager supplying someone else's teen son on a trip where alcohol has been banned is clearly not normal.

Original poster
littlejo67 · 01/05/2011 01:03

Milly - Shock that you think its ok to supply it to under 18`s, and that drinking age is 5yrs!! I can see where the drinking culture comes from.

OP posts:
annawintour · 01/05/2011 01:04

And this - Wine symbol is just another indication of the importance of alcohol in our culture.

MillyR · 01/05/2011 01:05

I'm not passing a moral judgement. I am simply pointing out the law. The legal drinking age is 5. As someone else has pointed out, you can legally be served cider with a meal at 14.

GitAwfMayLend · 01/05/2011 01:07

I don't know if Milly means supply as in supplying crate of lager, off you go son.

But supply as in on special occasions, when I am having a nice drink like champagne or a cocktail, offering my 15 year old dd a drink I think is socially appropriate. Ditto when out for dinner and having a decent bottle of wine to go with the food, is nice to offer her one.

Tortington · 01/05/2011 01:08

i cant believe an alcohol free 17 yr old tbh. if i am totally truthful i think that in itself is weird.

i do think that supplying alcohol to your own kids is one thing - but doing it for others without parental permission is another

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