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AIBU?

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Original poster

Parents supplying alcohol to teens. Is this normal?

86 replies

littlejo67 · 01/05/2011 00:02

My Ds is 15 and went away recently on a weekend rugby tour. They were told in a meeting previously that no alcohol was allowed as the holiday camp they were staying at had very strict rules.
I felt reassured as I dont let him or his older brother (17) drink at all not even xmas.

During the tour an adult team manager supplied alcohol to my sons room as his son was staying in the same appartment. He said not to go outside with it. Also other players had brought there own which must have been bought by adults/parents.

The photos on my sons Fb have cans of alcohol in, and they all looked well happyHmm. I want to say something but realise that this would totally humilate my son and single him out as being different.
I am thinking WTF! I would never supply alcohol to a minor that I was responsible for. My son had a great time but somehow I am left with shock and irritation. Am I over reacting?

OP posts:
GitAwfMayLend · 01/05/2011 01:08

But TOTALLY agree wqith the OP and her son being offered booze on a rugby tour. I would complain personally.

sims2fan · 01/05/2011 01:10

littlejo - I agree with you that it is totally not on for people to be supplying kids with drink on a residential trip. The team manager who provided it is bloody lucky that nothing too bad happened such as one of them drinking too much and ending up needing his stomach pumped.

Apart from anything else, I do not believe that teenagers who are away to play rugby and probably do other activities in the evenings will actually enjoy themselves properly if they are too busy getting drunk. When I was 15 our year group went on a trip to an amusement park. A few of the lads had got really drunk the night before at someone's house, so at least one of them was sick in the coach on the way there, more than once. Most of them went on one ride and felt so awful that they didn't go on anything else for the rest of the day. The alcohol totally ruined the trip for them. Same thing happened at our leavers' disco. They got drunk before we went so spent the night outside puking in the bushes.

I also disagree with those who seem to be implying that it is normal for 15 year olds to get drunk regularly. Well, if it is normal then it shouldn't be. My young relative started to be allowed alcohol at home at about 13 or 14. Now 16 he is regularly blind drunk and has to be physically dragged home by his friends, or his parents if his friends have had the sense to call them. There has been at least one occasion (when he was 15) that I know of that he really should have had his stomach pumped at hospital, but his parents didn't take him because they were worried they might get into trouble over it. Instead they sat up with him overnight while he was unconcsious to check he didn't choke on his own vomit. His parents seem to think this is quite normal for a teenage 'lad' and aren't too concerned. I, on the other hand, am horrified and hope it doesn't last too long before he sees that alcohol isn't the answer to everything.

My brother and I were brought up knowing that when underage if we came home drunk our parents would be furious. Therefore, we didn't get drunk. I'm not saying that a drop never passed our lips, but we knew not to get drunk. A lot of kids have parents who think it's normal, and so therefore the kids drink and get drunk. And it's not just the drink that is the problem. When drunk they are far more likely to do other risky behaviour - drugs, unprotected sex, etc.

As for your son's situation, it is difficult as you obviously don't want your son to be singled out. If it had happened on a school trip I would say complain to the head, as it would be dealt with very seriously, but I don't really know much about the culture of rugby teams, and it might not be seen as a big deal by the adults involved.

GitAwfMayLend · 01/05/2011 01:10

My brother never drank at all at 17.

Of course when he went to uni he spent the first year pickled in jagerbombs.

But he is 24 now and barely drinks.

GitAwfMayLend · 01/05/2011 01:12

DD plays rugby, drinking is part of the culture for boys, not so for girls (at her age anyway). And I would go nuts if she got pissed after a game, as far as I know she hasn't had a drink putside a family enviornment.

MillyR · 01/05/2011 01:14

GAML, is it legal with a meal at 14? I thought it was 16, although there may be a younger age if you supply the alcohol rather than the premises.

GitAwfMayLend · 01/05/2011 01:17

Blimey I have just looked it up, it is 16 to drink with a meal, but it used to be 14.

Have been breaking the law inadverently Blush

Original poster
littlejo67 · 01/05/2011 01:17

To clarify - What I meant in the thread title was that he was a parent and was supplying alcohol to his son and his friends, as its socially acceptable???

Two issues are apparent here on this thread - Parents allowing their children to drink and alcohol being supplied to other peoples teens.

Both are relevant and part of the same debate as to whether its acceptable.
-

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 01/05/2011 01:22

In that case I would be careful about 'supplying' it to other teens in that it wouldn't be up to me to take the decision on behalf of their parents.

I'd probably ask if they have any at home, which of course they might not tell the truth about, but at 15 (given that I moved out of home at 16) they'd have some responsibility about giving permission regarding something that involves their own body.

bejeezus · 01/05/2011 01:23

i read a report somewhere recently - that talked about an increase in the number of alcoholics from middle/upper class backgrounds where they had been introduced to alcohol in the home, as teenagers-glasses of wine with dinner etc to try and prevent taboo, encourage responsible drinking etc...

i'll try and find it...

MillyR · 01/05/2011 01:29

There is this report saying that parents should supply alcohol.

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/8297821.stm

PrettyCandles · 01/05/2011 01:36

I think that in the British binge-drinking culture it is very important that our children learn to have a healthy relationship with alcohol. Of course wecannot guarantee to prevent our children ever binging or drinking to excess, but at least if they are familiar with alcohol they might be less likely to. If there is nothing taboo about alcohol then they are less likely to go and cram in as much as they can as soon as they have an opportunity to do so.

I grew up in a household where there was free access to alcohol of all sorts. Drunkenness was severely disapproved of. My sibs and I have always been more likely to binge on sweets and cream cakes than on alcohol, because they were restricted, not alcohol.

Original poster
littlejo67 · 01/05/2011 01:45

www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1381379/Letting-children-drink-home-makes-teens-likely-develop-alcohol-problems.html

It was in The Times, but you have to subcribe to that so I found it elsewhere.

OP posts:
Original poster
littlejo67 · 01/05/2011 01:49

Thanks Bej

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 01/05/2011 01:51

So if there's evidence for and evidence against it's up to the parent and the teen as to what they choose to do.

And at 15 I'm not sure a parent can do a fuck of a lot about it if their DC decides for themselves what they want to do.

All you can do is trust that the tools you've given them are enough.

GnomeDePlume · 01/05/2011 01:58

We are liberal parents but strangely DD1 (age 15) has no taste for alcohol.

I would not like her to be placed in the care of any 'responsible' adult who thought it was ok to supply some members of the group with what is essentially a supressant of moral control.

AgentZigzag · 01/05/2011 02:03

If someone is going to have an issue with alcohol, it won't have anything to do with whether they had it growing up.

After the initial experimenting with it to see what happens, any problems will be because it feels like it makes everything better an you can escape any problems you might have.

Which is a bit of betrayal.

Monty27 · 01/05/2011 02:03

If you object, tell the rugby manager or whoever supplied the alcohol.

I don't think your ds will appreciate it though.

My ds is 15, I gave him a weak gin & tonic the other sunday (easter, special occasion) before dinner, he wasn't fussed, left half of it, gave him wine at dinner at christmas, he drank half a glass.

Now, what your ds does outside your house you know, it's about their want for alcohol, he might not want it, so I wouldn't try and stop it. Hope this makes sense. None of us wants our dcs to have a want for alcohol, its out there though, so don't make it a no no, they'll want it then, that's what teenagers do, things that they're not allowed to do.

Original poster
littlejo67 · 01/05/2011 02:08

Agent - At 15 I hope that parents can still be parents to their children. They still are at school and still need boundaries.

My son and I listen to each other and I consider myself a liberal parent in many ways. My dislike of him drinking with his mates stem from a wish to protect his mental and physical health.

Remember the news about a teen celebrating his GCSE`s in Newquay he fell off a cliff and died. Teens and alcohol = bad combination. So he knows I disapprove. If I approved he would I am sure drink more.

OP posts:
GnomeDePlume · 01/05/2011 02:09

My concern is not simply for those who were given alcohol but also for those who werent. Who stayed with the group (and I mean stayed not just were available on call)?

The problem is that putting a case of beer in a room with a group is that some will choose to drink and some wont. This means more beer for those who choose to drink.

Original poster
littlejo67 · 01/05/2011 02:15

Gnome - good point hadnt even though about that. They could of got really drunk and sick in the night. My son said some were sick etc. No adult in the appartment.

OP posts:
Punkatheart · 01/05/2011 09:11

The responses here have suprised me more than the post. It is COMPLETELY inappropriate to supply a 15 year old boy with alcohol. You are not legally allowed to drink until 18 in a pub. But also he is away from home, unaccustomed to drinking. There are things that could happen. How would you react if he then aspirates on his own vomit? Part of the game? Rubbish.

I would be steaming. Why teach children this?

unsurevalentine · 01/05/2011 10:00

When I used to be a drug and alcohol outreach worker with under 18s parents supplying their kids with booze "so they knew how much they were drinking Hmm" was tha bain of my life.

frogs · 01/05/2011 10:23

I agree with cat and others. It is one thing to allow your own child, who you know well and have parental responsibility for, to drink small amounts of alcohol at dinner or at parties.

It is a completely different thing to supply someone else's underage child with alcohol. By providing alcohol you are not just giving them permission to drink, you are effectively instructing them to do so (bearing in mind the child was away from home, so didn't really have a get out clause). You are putting that child in a position where it is very difficult for them to refuse to drink without looking like a spoilsport or a nerd. I would be livid if someone put my child in that position, completely regardless of whether or not I might occasionally choose to give my child the option of drinking at home.

I also think that there are very mixed messages going on about sport and alcohol - if it's a serious competitive tour, then wtf are they encouraging them to drink in the evenings? Bearing in mind these are 15yo, not seasoned 30-some rugby players, so there is a much higher chance that drinking is going to affect their playing ability. Hmm There are other ways of handling the situation - both my older two go to parties at their respective sports clubs where the bar will be open, but the people running the bar know perfectly well who are juniors and who are seniors, and juniors (under 18s) won't be served alcohol. It's not rocket science.

I'm also not happy about the normalising effect of offering alcohol to teens - sure, we live in a world where alcohol is an essential component of having a good time for many people, but they're going to discover that for themselves anyway. I don't see there's any advantage in encouraging them to join that drinking culture any earlier than necessary, and there seems to be research suggesting that there are advantages to delaying the introduction of alcohol until teenagers' metabolism and brains have matured a bit.

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