Parents supplying alcohol to teens. Is this normal?

[littlejo67]

My Ds is 15 and went away recently on a weekend rugby tour. They were told in a meeting previously that no alcohol was allowed as the holiday camp they were staying at had very strict rules.
I felt reassured as I dont let him or his older brother (17) drink at all not even xmas.

During the tour an adult team manager supplied alcohol to my sons room as his son was staying in the same appartment. He said not to go outside with it. Also other players had brought there own which must have been bought by adults/parents.

The photos on my sons Fb have cans of alcohol in, and they all looked well happy. I want to say something but realise that this would totally humilate my son and single him out as being different.
I am thinking WTF! I would never supply alcohol to a minor that I was responsible for. My son had a great time but somehow I am left with shock and irritation. Am I over reacting?

I feel you are right to be annoyed. Making your Son aware of your disapproval and the reasons why is may be the best way to deal with it.

My own children are offered a drink in certain situation. They know we don't approve of them drinking when out with friends and we don't want them coming home 'in a state'. That's not to say they don't do it. They are normal teenagers who push the boundaries.

We often have a 'houseful' of teenagers who have occasionally smuggled alcohol in. They think we don't know and thats ok. They are in a safe environment thinking they are 'getting away with it'. We would not provide them with more. We have a responsibility to them and their parents.

I spent my teenage years in Canada where the drinking age was much older. I certainly noticed a drinking culture on my return.

Friends of ours seem to be actively encouraging their teens to drink and I think this is a worry. Surely this is having an effect on their development? Don't they need boundaries?

The only illness you would use alcohol to "self medicate" with is mental illness .

The reason the drinking age in the US is 21 is because that's when your liver is fully developed and can handle processing sensible amounts of alcohol.

Who's talking about using alcohol to self-medicate?

It is utterly inappropriate and misguided for an adult to be supplying minors in his care with alcohol whilst away from home without express permission from the parents. Whatever posters' own views on this, the OP is entitled to have his respected, and FWIW I understand that the latest studies show that, after all, DC not allowed any alcohol under 16 grow up to drink the least: getting drunk at 15 does not turn you into a responsible drinker when you are 18, and not drinking as a child does not guarantee you will struggle to "handle" alcohol as an adult (?????where on earth does THAT come from?).

I attended a (mainly) boys' boarding school and was, frankly, shocked at the amount of alcohol supplied by teachers (tutors, housemasters, chaplains) on a regular basis to all boys (13 and up). And yes, some abuse happened on the back of it, in particular (according to first hand accounts) on camping and CCF trips. I would therefore be most unhappy for my 15 yo to be given alcohol whilst on a trip without me there (even though I am one who allows very small amounts of alcohol at home on special occasions).

You!! Comparing it to teaching young people to use ibuprofen etc safely.

I think if some of the posters here went with an outreach team and saw young people "using alcohol safely" whilst exposing themselves to hypothermia, being taken advantage of, choking on their own vomit, being exposed to illicit drug use and road death because they are so pissed they can't stand up straight they'd be rather shocked - and yes it is your child who you allow out to the park/their mates for a sleepover etc.

I would agree with Cat here. I would report this particular individual to the sporting body concerned and let them deal with him. Bad things happen when good people stand by and do nothing.

Oh for goodness' sake! I am not proposing that we should teach our children to abuse alcohol! The whole point of my attitude is that we need to provide our children with an alternative viewpoint to "let's get bladdered". We need to provide them with the belief thathey dont need alcohol in order to enjoy themselves, the desire not to get drunk, the ability to say "No.", and the self-awareness qnd self-restraint to know when they have had enough before they have had too much.

Look, I'm British and have lived most of my life in England, but I am not British by birth or culture. I grew up immersed in two cultures, where alcohol was freely available and drunkenness was disapproved of. None of my peer-group from the non-British culture ever abused alcohol in our teens. the first time I ever saw people routinely getting paralytic, and saying things like "I've earned this pint", was at Uni, when I first mixed extensively with 'regular' Brits.

At my brother's wedding in Israel, we did not have a bar, but bottles of wine and spirits were put on each table, as well as juice, pop and water. When we were clearing up afterwards we noticed a distinct pattern: at tables where mostly Brits had been seated every bottle of alcohol had been opened, most of the wine had been finished, as had many of the spirits. At tables where mostly Israelis had been seated none of the bottles of alcoholic drinks had been finished, and many had not even been opened. It had been a big bash, 200+ people, ages and backgrounds fairly evenly spread across Israelis and Brits, and the Israelis had been just as raucous, singing and dancing as the Brits.

Maybe there is a different perspective. Maybe we are so immersed in the 'traditional' way of living with alcohol here in Britain, that we cannot see that there are alternative perspectives and ways of life.

And with all this, I still agree that the adult's behaviour supplying alcohol to teens on a trip away from home, was appalling and completely inappropriate.

I just don't think ibuprofen was a good comparison. And would the wedding drinking thing also have been down to religious reasons too?

Ibuprofen and alcohol: both readily available and frequently used. Both good in moderation but dangerous in excess. Both requiring judgement and understanding to use safely.

At the wedding the vast majority of guests were Jewish, the British as well as the Israelis. The British guests would, I assume, have been influenced by Britush culture, hence their greater consumption of the available alcohol. Nobody became drunk, I hasten to add.

If I had teens the age yours are I would let them drink a glass of wine with supper at home when we did and join us in having a beer when we did.

However I wouldnt facilitate drinking on a sports trip with someone else's children. Different role, different situation, not least as the rules expressly said "no alcohol".

That said I don't think I would get too upset about it and I don't think I would say anything - I would just keep a mental question mark in my mind about the judgment of the adult in question for future reference ...

Thanks for all the views expressed on this thread. Its certainly an emotive subject. Its giving me a lot to reflect on.