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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not understand how a very obviously pregnant woman

110 replies

MrsFruitcake · 29/04/2011 06:28

can smoke in the street so brazenly?

Saw a woman yesterday, looked quite far along, smoking as she was walking along the street - I just don't know how anyone can be so blah about it these days.

OP posts:
SilveryMoon · 29/04/2011 06:34

YANBU to not understand it, but really it isn't any of your business so I'd say YABU for being so judgy, it's not your baby and it's not you she will have to answer to if her smoking has an effect on the baby.

Original poster
MrsFruitcake · 29/04/2011 06:36

Don't tell me you wouldn't judge! We all know how bad it is for an unborn baby and I'm a smoker myself! I managed to give up during pregnancy though.

OP posts:
SilveryMoon · 29/04/2011 06:40

Well, aren't you just the most perfect hero.
It might not be that easy for other people. I wouldn't judge, certainly not out loud anyway, it doesn't affect my life so therefore I am not in a position to judge.

meditrina · 29/04/2011 06:44

You really can't understand - or is that just odd choice of words?

The explanation is that some people are so fiercely addicted that they continue whatever else is happening. I didn't think that was so difficult to comprehend.

You see a similarly unfortunate display of nicotine addiction in other circumstances - eg by patients car parks/smoking bays on hospital grounds.

Original poster
MrsFruitcake · 29/04/2011 06:45

I'm not saying I'm perfect, I actually found it very hard to give up when I was pregnant. It's madness when someone is told not to judge about something which is so obv. terrible!

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsFruitcake · 29/04/2011 06:46

Med - the thing which I find hard to understand it that people choose to do it in the street where they can be judged - and not in the privacy of their own home.

OP posts:
SilveryMoon · 29/04/2011 06:47

Crack is terrible.

SilveryMoon · 29/04/2011 06:48

People shouldn't have to hide because they are doing something someone else doesn't like. Where would that end?

lovelybertha · 29/04/2011 06:48

Well I guess she had to smoke in the street, what with the smoking ban. Poor thing - shame she couldn't sit down, given her condition.

No, seriously. I expect she is addicted. I expect she knows she should stop. It's pointless getting judgey about these things though. I understand what you're saying, but I think yabu.

Original poster
MrsFruitcake · 29/04/2011 06:49

Ok Silvery - we'll agree to disagree. Pregnant woman don't smoke crack in the streets where I live though.

OP posts:
ginmakesitallok · 29/04/2011 06:49

YABU - it's none of your business

Original poster
MrsFruitcake · 29/04/2011 06:51

I geess I'm just a big old judgey-pants then. Smile

OP posts:
SilveryMoon · 29/04/2011 06:53

Ye, we disagree.
People where I live don't smoke crack in the street either!

BeeMyBaby · 29/04/2011 07:00

If the options is to appear judgey or appear as if I condone this, then I would judge just as fruitcake did. But to be fair, I glare at people who smoke in general.

ragged · 29/04/2011 07:33

It's an addiction. What's not to understand?

imnobody · 29/04/2011 07:39

A friend of mine is a smoker and her dr said that it was probably better for her to have 3-4 ciggerettes a day than give up and have cravings. The stress levels would have been worse for the baby than the actual ciggerettes.

washngo · 29/04/2011 07:46

I would have judged too. I wouldn't have said anything, but it is impossible to control immediate feelings of judgement when faced with something we all know is wrong. I'm afraid I feel inwardly judgemental of smokers generally because I absolutely hate the smell, think it looks awful, and most of all is incredibly bad for you. However, I will say that it is impossible to know someone else's situation, that woman may be under immense personal stress or something. You can feel judgemental and sympathetic at the same time.

Georgimama · 29/04/2011 07:48

I get judgy about smoking full stop these days, because as an ex 20 a day smoker I see no reason why if I could stop they couldn't.

Georgimama · 29/04/2011 07:49

Funnily enough MIL managed to stop after 50+ years after she nearly died of swine flu at Christmas and spent a week in intensive care; so I think anyone can stop if they actually want to. And not wanting to stop is stupid.

tallulahxhunny · 29/04/2011 07:51

i dont think there would be much difference to stop smoking while pregnant then starting again once baby is out, chances are the person will have smoked anyway before she found out she was pregnant! I would be more worried if she was drinking.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 29/04/2011 07:53

Blimey, I did smoke during my pregnancy. I was in Oman where women just don't smoke. I was never asked about it so didn't tell.
I do understand a bit, only a bit, but OP it isn't for you to judge really is it?

waterrat · 29/04/2011 07:56

god, get over it. maybe her marriage is breaking up, maybe one of her parents just died. Maybe she has one a week and it's her guilty pleasure. The reason you shouldn't judge others is because you simply do not know their story...so stop it!

cupofteaplease · 29/04/2011 07:57

Actually I would have judged. But I am an ex smoker, so I know it is possible to give up smoking. For some people it is a torturous addiction, but it is still possible to give up. My dad always said he couldn't give up, he'd tried and it was too hard, he was too addicted etc. Well he paid the price by dropping down dead at 55.

Anyway, I digress, I think that even if you haven't managed to give up smoking when pregnant, it does seem rather brazen to walk down the street with a fag in your hand. You are harming your unborn child, so you can't really expect people not to feel a bit when they see you doing it.

Having read the previous posts, I realise my opinion is not a common one.

GitAwfMayLend · 29/04/2011 08:00

Sod it, I would have judged as well. I am an ex smoker (ex smokers are the WORST for judging those who still smoke Grin).

Tbh I think if you are stressed with pregnancy a couple of fags a day is probably better for the mum than trying to give up if she is finding it hard. I totally get that. However I don't think puffing away whilst trolling down the street is appropriate. Mind you I think smoking in the street is common anyway, I am not prejudiced in my judgements of strangers.

GitAwfMayLend · 29/04/2011 08:01

Same as you cupoftea

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