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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not understand how a very obviously pregnant woman

110 replies

MrsFruitcake · 29/04/2011 06:28

can smoke in the street so brazenly?

Saw a woman yesterday, looked quite far along, smoking as she was walking along the street - I just don't know how anyone can be so blah about it these days.

OP posts:
PeterSpanswick · 29/04/2011 08:50

A colleague smoked throughout her pregnancy and I hated it. Never said a thing to her about it though as understood that she knew the risks and it was entirely her decision; not my baby and so not my place to steam in and admonish her for something I'd imagine she didn't want to be doing in the first place.

EricNorthmansMistress · 29/04/2011 09:01

Oh come one, who doesn't judge? I judged my absolute best friend every time she lit up while she was pregnant! She knew it too...:)

If I was so pathetic not to stop smoking when I was pregnant I' do it in secret so nobody would judge me. But plenty of women don't know, believe or care how bad it is.

EricNorthmansMistress · 29/04/2011 09:03

GitAwf

That notion that withdrawal stress is worse than smoking is bollocks. Nicotine withdrawal is very mild physically. It's mentally stressful if you want to smoke and can't but no more than anything else in daily life.

As soon as you don't want to smoke anymore the physical withdrawal becomes literally nothing.

linziluv · 29/04/2011 09:07

I'm pregnant and have tried do hard to give up and believe me i've tried! This has been a horrendously stressful pregnancy so far so midwife reckoned I was best sticking to the 4/5 I smoke.
However, I won't smoke in public...for some bizarre reason I'm scared of being judged off people in the street Hmm

MsToni · 29/04/2011 09:13

Calm down dear :)

Each to her/his own but seriously it would be 'good' for her to make an effort to stop for the sake of the baby.

TransatlanticCityGirl · 29/04/2011 09:19

I have never smoked and I can't stand people smoking around me. I believe it would be better if this woman gave up, but I would not judge her. For all I know, it's the only one she's has during the entire pregnancy. And it's none of my business.

(and incidentally my own mother smoked the entire duration of her pregnancy)

YABU

zukiecat · 29/04/2011 09:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ivette · 29/04/2011 09:26

yanbu

there is a girl in my town, pg third time, smokes like a horse! even in the park when its prohibited!!!

adelaidegirl · 29/04/2011 09:27

I would be judgey too but then I would be judging you too for smoking with kids! I have a big problem with people causing their children so many health problems even before they are born and then when they are little

I will probably be flamed for this but I think if you choose to have a child you have a responsibility to your child to try and protect their health and smoking is a big part of that (I am not sure that a lot of smokers recognise just how much harm they are doing their children)

I can only imagine that smoking is incredibly hard to give up so I know it is easier said than done and I do agree that even cutting down is going to be better for the baby than nothing and even if you can't give up completely at least you are doing your best

Crawling · 29/04/2011 09:32

I was advised not to quit entirely but to only cut down by my doctor and pychiatrist, I have a mental illness which stress can trigger and as I am pg I am not allowed meds. I have tried giving up while on meds and the stress triggered my illness. My illness could cost my life and both that and meds are far more harmful to my baby than smoking. But I was told by both that any alcohol was a big no!

saffy85 · 29/04/2011 09:42

"there is a girl in my town, pg third time, smokes like a horse! even in the park when its prohibited!!!"

OMG horses smoke? Don't they know how bad it is for them?!

Anyway back to OP in all honesty, I hate seeing heavily pregnant women light up, same as I hate seeing one of my best mates who has asthma and chronic chest infections every single winter, puffing away on her Mayfairs and coughing up a lung afterwards. And I tell her so.

One of the worst sights in the world imo is right outside the maternity wing at the local hospital where there is always a gaggle of either heavily PG women or a new mums, all puffing away in their PJs and some are still wearing those horrible white stockings they make you wear if you've had and Epidural or whatever. Grim.

Crawling · 29/04/2011 09:46

Oh and 70% of people with my illness smoke and find it nearly impossible to quit so much so that we have to be monitered and given extra support. For some it is not as easy as just quitting because we start when young and use it to help control our illness. Obviously the high smoking rates coinciding with mental illness mean it is harder for some and those with mental illness certainly dont get no mild cravings as there symtoms will start to act up in many cases.

kittenstew · 29/04/2011 10:07

I'm 5 months pregnant, and found giving up smoking not that difficult (basically the smell of cigarette smoke and alcohol was the only thing that made me feel queasy). So there's me, very smug at having the healthiest pregnancy ever, knowing full well that none of my friends had managed to totally give up fags during their pregnancies. So anyways, two weeks ago I started having loads of nightmares and insomnias. A few days ago I went to the doctor after two days of zilch sleep, stressed out and frazzled. The doctor said for me to smoke a fag if that would calm me down!!!!!!!! I'm actually over the cravings, so I was given a mild round of sleeping pills....there goes my smug :( So hmmm, when it comes to cigarettes vs. severe stress during pregnancy, the cigarettes win!! :(

nethunsreject · 29/04/2011 10:13

Yanbu.

God forgive me, but I had a few fags a day when I was pg with ds1 but at least had the shame to do it in private.

When he was born, I looked at his tiny body (thankfully he was absolutely fine!) and couldn't believe I had been so stupid. I never smoked since.

BluddyMoFo · 29/04/2011 10:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HellNoSayItAintSo · 29/04/2011 10:39

Meh. Her body, her choice. Why care? Not like you can do anything about it.

naturalbaby · 29/04/2011 14:57

did you see bbc3's program where the pregnant mum thought she was doing the baby good by smoking as she believed it would make baby's heart stronger cause it would have to work harder while she smoked?!?

millie30 · 29/04/2011 15:08

I don't like the idea that as soon as a woman becomes pregnant her body becomes public property, and everybody else has the right to judge what she does with it.

Women know the risks of smoking in pregnancy, I tend to assume that if they are still smoking then they have their reasons. And also that it's their decision and none of my business.

PregolaLola · 29/04/2011 15:19

love how everyone finds an excuse for WHY they kept smoking, its pathetic if you did smoke and REALLY dont feel you should be judged surely you could just shrug it off when people tell you just how wrong it is

i would of judged as you dont consider anything when you judge, it just is a feeling that comes to you, wouldnt of put that feeling online though as you do consider and put effort and intent into doing that

Its a true shame but hoping we'll all agree is just for yourself as opposed to it stopping this woman smoking and helping out the poor kid inside of her

GloriaSmut · 29/04/2011 15:23

I'd probably have judged - from the smug perspective of someone who did manage to give up before deciding that actually, I so like the occasional ciggie and life is too short to deny yourself a single, solitary vice.

But I also gave up when pregnant although by the time I was 42 weeks with ds1 I'd come to the conclusion that really, 1 or 2 cigarettes a day wasn't the worst thing in the history of the world that I could do.

mayorquimby · 29/04/2011 15:28

It's easy.
Light cigarette and smoke is the only hard part. As for the "brazenly in the street" part, that's just occupying physical space and no more difficult than being "ashamed and in a cupboard" it's just existing.

PregolaLola · 29/04/2011 15:28

NO NO, not the worst thing you could do , but certainly not the best, and dont we as mothers have a certain duty to ALWAYS strive for the best for our children?
if you can do, smoking is not a neccesity it should not be veiwed as such....

And i suppose it will not be a neccesity to me as i dont smoke... nope because im a mother who wants a healthy baby regardless as opposedto

phew hes ok!
or thank god it didnt do damage

Tolalola · 29/04/2011 15:30

I've never been a smoker, but why should she hide away to avoid offending you?

It's not illegal to smoke when you're pg and thank goodness that women retain the autonomy over their bodies to make that choice.

Whether it's a good or poor choice is not really any of your business unless you are her Dr.

FabbyChic · 29/04/2011 15:34

Mine are 23 and 17, I smoked whilst pregnant.

megapixels · 29/04/2011 15:34

YANBU but I think the issue is that a pregnant woman is smoking, not that she's doing it openly or brazenly. I saw one smoking outside the hospital when I went for an ante-natal visit. And yes I judged. But I know that what I should have thought was that it's probably very hard for the poor dear, never mind about the baby.