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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not understand how a very obviously pregnant woman

110 replies

MrsFruitcake · 29/04/2011 06:28

can smoke in the street so brazenly?

Saw a woman yesterday, looked quite far along, smoking as she was walking along the street - I just don't know how anyone can be so blah about it these days.

OP posts:
PregolaLola · 29/04/2011 18:07

usualsuspect read my post properly before you comment like that and dont justchoose PART of the comment to highlight what i said

'i dont get people joining a highly opinion based forum and then getting so terribly angry and swearing in a non humourous or good hearted manner because odd as it may seem someone doesnt agree smoking is idiotic in pregnancy '

See the difference ?

usualsuspect · 29/04/2011 18:08

Oh go have a fag and chill out

LoopyLoopsNincompoop · 29/04/2011 18:09

I think you've missed your own point Pregola.

PregolaLola · 29/04/2011 18:12

see that crawling just awnsered my question,
but if i saw you i would still wrong or right as it may be, be judgemental not because im nasty because it just happens. its not a decision you dont decide to judge someone you feel it happening i would not mention my feelings or give nasty looks
infact the only reason i am now is as its a discussion

PregolaLola · 29/04/2011 18:15

and generally you dont dismiss other people in a discussion....

jojowest · 29/04/2011 18:33

i saw a heavily preggers woman smoking outside a pub, i felt like slapping the selfish cow

usualsuspect · 29/04/2011 18:34

OMG had she been in the pub! Thats scandalous

SilveryMoon · 29/04/2011 18:42

And attacking a pregnant woman is ok then jojo?

BabyBeatle · 29/04/2011 18:50

It always amazes me how many people on here seem to think it's acceptable for a pregnant woman to smoke. Sorry, but I think anyone with a scrap of common sense would understand the harm it can do to an unborn baby and appreciate why people may judge them for doing it?!

ChunkyPickle · 29/04/2011 18:56

For me the key words here are 'increases risk'. Smoking undeniably increases the risk of various problems for the baby (unlike moderate alcohol use which many studies show does not harm the baby, but that's another subject)

Each mother assesses the risks and picks the ones she's comfortable with. Perhaps this mother smokes, but doesn't commute to work by road, so feels that the increased risk of smoking is mitigated by the decreased risk to her baby of not spending 10 hours a week in a car/on the roads. Or perhaps she doesn't drink caffeine, and feels that that balances it out some more.

Feel free to judge, but bear in mind she might be judging you right back as you pass by doing something she feels is too much of a risk.

schmee · 29/04/2011 19:08

YANBU and my gut reaction if I see a pregnant woman smoking is horror.

But - having become pregnant accidentally, I stopped smoking when I got a BFP and researched it a bit as I was paranoid I'd done huge damage in the 2 weeks between conception and finding out. It amazed me how small the evidence seemed to be that smoking was actually really harmful to your baby. There's quite a lot of stuff out there saying that it actually isn't proven as well. I could quite easily have justified to myself carrying on smoking if I'd wanted to.

It's logical to me that it is really really bad for the baby, but I can see how people manage to persuade themselves that it's not that harmful.

I've managed to convince myself that a couple of cups of coffee and an afternoon tea won't do that much damage this time, whereas last time round I wouldn't touch caffeine. But I've been sniffed at because I won't touch parma ham, pate or soft cheese and apparently most people think that's ok these days. Everyone has different tolerance levels for the risks they place themselves and their children under.

sparklypregnantmama · 29/04/2011 19:29

YANBU, it is disgustingly selfish. I was addicted and gave up immediately, if I could do it why couldn't anyone else. Being addicted to something doesn't mean you can't find the willpower to not buy any more fags and get through the cravings that ensue. There is absolutely no excuse for it. You are literally putting poison into your unborn baby's body.

And that old chestnut about it being more stressful to give up than smoke a couple a day is just crap, I'm sorry.

ShuffleBallChange · 29/04/2011 19:34

YANBU, its selfish. So is smoking whilst driving with children in the back of the car. But I suppose its up to the individual, not something I like to see though as it does turn me into Mrs Judgypants Hmm

midori1999 · 29/04/2011 20:45

I don't think YABU and I would have judged too.

I haven't ever smoked, but my Mum smoked heavily for 40 years. (about 40 a day) I have heard every excuse under the sun come from her. She was addicted, it wasn't that easy to just give up, she smoked when pregnant with all of us and we're all OK, her doctor told her not to give up as she has depression and was in the middle of a bad bout of it and the stress would be too much for her, etc etc. She was even diagnosed with COPD/emphasima and didn't even give up then, in spite of knowing it would kill her.

Then she gave up. Why? According to her she finally wanted to and she hadn't really wanted to before, hence why she found it so difficult to. Now she says she feels guilty for smoking when she was pregnant with us and she knows she could have given up years ago if she'd really wanted to. She found it easy to quit once she'd decided it was what she wanted, despite her 'addiction'.

bringmesunshine2009 · 29/04/2011 21:26

I am ashamed to say I have 1 every day. If I only have 1 why can't I stop? But I can't, I look forward to it all day. I know it is bad for me and the baby but I am running the risk. This is undeniably selfish, humans generally are.

I don't do it 'in public' though.

usualsuspect · 29/04/2011 21:29

bringmesunshine2009 don't beat yourself up

lots of sanctimonious perfect mothers on MN

hester · 29/04/2011 21:38

imnobody, what you say is interesting because I've heard lots of pregnant women saying that their doctor had also told them that the stress of giving up smoking is more harmful than a few fags a day. I think Kerry Katona said the same when pg, didn't she?

I think this has to be an urban myth. I just don't believe there's a load of doctors out there who would say this. It's just not true. I think pregnant women say it to ward off others' judgement; some of them may convince themselves it's true.

Dad2HandC · 29/04/2011 21:43

Smoking is bad - for you and for an unborn child. It's also bad as a parent as it says that it's an ok thing for sensible grown ups to do - which it isn't - it's poisonous and costs a fortune.
You have to WANT to stop smoking to be able to stop - same with everything - eating / drinking too much.
Crawling - your posts sound like you have given the responsibility for stopping to your doctors. You need to stop and only you can decide that.

vintageteacups · 29/04/2011 21:44

I actually think if there's one thing it's okay to be judgy about, it's smoking during pregnancy.

I think the advert of the baby in the uterus smoking a cigarette sums it all up and they should that advert again more often.

Tidey · 29/04/2011 21:45

I'm not sure I believe that either hester, my midwife asked me if I smoked when I was pg, having recently given up, and I was then asked at every appointment whether I was still off cigarettes. Nobody ever told me it was okay to have them occasionally to avoid stress. A member of my family smoked all the way through both her pregnancies, and I found it very hard not to be judgey about it tbh.

VajazzHands · 29/04/2011 21:45

I guess what I think when I see woman smoking in the street is if you can't even cut down enough to where you only do it at home and not where everyone can see you.. you're probably smoking too much.

I also don't think pregnant women should smoke in the street as it sets a bad example that we are all meant to find it socially acceptable now.

Georgimama · 29/04/2011 21:55

I don't think the possible risk of contracting listeria from soft cheese or parma ham can be compared with smoking; there isn't a risk that cigarettes contain carcinogens and carbon monoxide. They do contain those things and they are bad for you and for an unborn baby.

I was asked if I smoked at my booking in appointment, I said I did not. I was then asked to blow into a carbon monoxide detector a bit like a peak flow monitor. The midwife confirmed that they do this to check people are telling the truth if they say they are non smokers. So I too find it hard to believe that MWs and doctors routinely tell pregnant women having a few fags per day or week is better than the "stress" of giving up.

Crawling · 29/04/2011 21:57

Dad2handC you dont even know what my illness is. When I am off meds I have to reduce stress to the point where I am signed off work I must avoid stress and can you tell me what sort of professional qualification you have? that allows you to give dangerous advice that conflicts with that of medical professionals without knowing the full story and tell me to put my life and my baby at risk and risk having to be given EST or dangerous medication to make me stable again please?

Because IMO it is pretty stupid if you are advising me to go against medical opinion because your unqualified opinion is no one should smoke. Yes I should give up but when I have meds and can take meds to make me stable if things go wrong not when medication to stabilise me could kill my baby. Once I am back on meds I intend to try again to quit while on meds and with medical supervision.

textfan · 29/04/2011 21:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

usualsuspect · 29/04/2011 21:58