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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not understand how a very obviously pregnant woman

110 replies

MrsFruitcake · 29/04/2011 06:28

can smoke in the street so brazenly?

Saw a woman yesterday, looked quite far along, smoking as she was walking along the street - I just don't know how anyone can be so blah about it these days.

OP posts:
TakeItOnTheChins · 29/04/2011 15:34

YANBU.

I am an ex smoker myself who didn't actually manage to give up completely when pregnant. However, if I had openly and brazenly smoked in the street I would have fully accepted and deserved the dirty looks of strangers.

Smoking when pregnant is wrong. It doesn't matter how fiercely you defend it. It is wrong and it is not being "judgey" to disapprove, any more than it is being judgey to disapprove of anything else.

Pumpster · 29/04/2011 15:39

If you can't give up when pregnant then what else would make you give up?
Yanbu

RitaMorgan · 29/04/2011 15:54

I would judge too. Giving up smoking might not be fun but it's not impossible.

Some people are just selfish.

ragged · 29/04/2011 15:56

dont we as mothers have a certain duty to ALWAYS strive for the best for our children?

Oh ffs, does any other group have as much moral baggage foisted on them as MOTHERS? Not fathers, mind. Not the prime minister. Or even your religious leader. But stick us "mothers" on the highest pedestal and harangue us the moment we step out of line like we don't belong there. No wonder birth rates are plunging, who wants pressure like that?

PregolaLola · 29/04/2011 16:00

ragged dont like the responsibility dont pop the kids out, simple

i wear my moral baggage as my favourate handbag, why do people have kids and then winge, PATHETIC

TakeItOnTheChins · 29/04/2011 16:04

I don't get how anyone can defend a pregnant woman smoking.

Scenario 1: A father smoking a cigarette and blowing every lungful into the face of his 2 day old baby. Imagine the uproar. NOBODY would defend that.

Scenario 2: Woman due to give birth, smoking a cigarette. Sure, some will judge negatively, but you'll certainly get a percentage going "blah blah her choice, blah blah let's not judge, blah blah blah" Hmm

MsHighwater · 29/04/2011 16:05

OP, I judge you for giving up while pregnant but then starting again. If you gave up for several months, why would you start again?

Crawling · 29/04/2011 16:06

I am not selfish I am following the advice of my pychiatrist and GP when someone who has a medical degree and my personal history tells me stopping is better for my child in my circumstances I might listen to thier opinion.

Secondly I actually dont give a shit about the people who judge me, if you walked in my shoes you may not be in a place anywhere near as good as I am, many with my illness have commited suicide you are judging me for smoking when you have no idea what my life is like and whether if the tables were turned you would have done better which IMO is just laughable.

Tolalola · 29/04/2011 16:07

Nobody is disputing your right to have your own rules and moral standards, Pregolola. But they are your own.

You don't get to make up the rules and set the standards for everybody else.

It is perfectly legal to drink, smoke, wear high heels, work, eat brie and go clubbing when pregnant in the UK, thank goodness. So do what's right for you and let everyone else get on with their own lives.

PregolaLola · 29/04/2011 16:11

i agree with ritamorgan if you get pregnant and think your hard done by and cant quit for your baby you are selfish, if not because you wont quit smoking then certainly because you got pregnant and still kept the view it was what your life was like that was more important as opposed to your childs

PregolaLola · 29/04/2011 16:15

and tolalola , i dont enforce MY rules or moral standards on everyone but this is a thread which asks for opinions and i have given myne, your back neednt be put up by them, i have no problem with people saying its fine to smoke when pregnant, and enjoy asking why they think that and having a happy and calm chat

SoupDragon · 29/04/2011 16:16

[shrug] I judge all smokers. I think it's foul and disgusting whether pregnant or not.

PregolaLola · 29/04/2011 16:19

also before its said i dont think those who smoke are bad mothers either, my sister smoked throughout her pregnancy and now, shes a fab mother but has done wrong in smoking in MY opinion
as i will probably do wrong 100 times over with my own on certain things according to CERTAIN people

AlmightyCitrus · 29/04/2011 17:00

Well, I smoked through my first 3 pregnancies. I hold my hands up to being a raging hypocrite. Even back then I'd look at a smoking pregnant woman and think "she should pack that in" then go and smoke myself. The maternity ward at my local hospital had it's own private smoking area.

I think you really need to want to give up. For some pregnancy is the trigger and they can give up easily, but for some, even with all good intentions it never happens.

I don't smoke any more. I hate the smell of smoke now, and try and avoid smokers where possible. I don't think pregnant women should give up, I think everyone should. I know it's not going to happen and as long as it's not affecting me I try and keep my judgey pants at hip level.

LoopyLoopsNincompoop · 29/04/2011 17:20

Excellent posts by BluddyMoFo and Millie30.

Frankly, fuck off with your judging. You have no idea what their circumstances are and it is not your place to decide for them what to do with their own bodies.

I hope none of you got in cars when pregnant, or breathed in cities, or had half a glass of wine...

PregolaLola · 29/04/2011 17:24

breathing being a neccesity, nice logic loopyloopsnincompoop

LoopyLoopsNincompoop · 29/04/2011 17:46

But not in cities... On another thread recently someone said her grandmother (? from Sweden?) thought it was cruel to bring children up where they don't have free access to forests and lakes. Well, quite. We all make decisions based on millions of different criteria. For you, not smoking is important, but for another it might be lower on the list of priorities (see posts above, where people have talked about mental illness, abuse etc.)

PregolaLola · 29/04/2011 17:55

choosing to smoke is nowhere near living in a city, my question is, why is it not highest priority ? , when pregnant your unborn child should be your main priority, that is ofcourse my opinion i get that

i dont get people joining a highly opinion based forum and then getting so terribly angry and swearing in a non humourous or good hearted manner because odd as it may seem someone doesnt agree smoking is idiotic in pregnancy

PregolaLola · 29/04/2011 17:57

haha, obviously i meant smoking isnt idiotic in my above post

pjmama · 29/04/2011 18:01

When you are pregnant it is not just YOUR body, you are sharing it with your baby. Everyone knows that smoking when pregnant increases the chances of low birth weight and cot death. It is despicably selfish and anyone defending so called "choice" seems to forget that the most vulnerable person in the scenario isn't getting a choice.

I will judge all I want, there is no justification IMO - only excuses.

usualsuspect · 29/04/2011 18:02

'i dont get people joining a highly opinion based forum'

Because people have different opinions and can post what and how they like

If you don't like the swearing maybe this is not the forum for you Smile

LoopyLoopsNincompoop · 29/04/2011 18:03

See the many posts above your explaining why sometimes it isn't your highest priority.

I think it is fine for you to judge, as long as you have never done anything ever that could potentially harm your child. Doubt it's possible though.

onadietcokebreak · 29/04/2011 18:04

YANBU

And yes I would judge my arse off too just like I did at the woman puffing outside the maternity wing in their PJs.

Crawling · 29/04/2011 18:04

'my question is, why is it not highest priority ? , when pregnant your unborn child should be your main priority, that is ofcourse my opinion i get that'

Because in my case PregolaLola going off medication (medication is extremily harmful to feotus) and giving up smoking entirely is highly likely to trigger my MI which will cause far more damage to my baby in medical professionals opinion. The meds which would keep me stable are far worse than smoking so in my case I am choosing the best for my baby and as MI is not that uncommon you have no idea if a pg woman has also been advised that giving up smoking is more likely to harm her child.

I also didnt mean to get pg it was a accident so I am acting on professionals advice and doing the best I can in a bad situation sometimes in life we dont have a good choice.

FabbyChic · 29/04/2011 18:04

I think everybody is entitled to make their own decisions as adults.

Some smoke, some still drink, some do neither.

However when their babies are born they feed their children as they see fit, some bring their children up as vegetarians, other as meat eaters, some wean at six months some at four.

It is all about the individual.

If I got pregnant again (not possible) I'd still smoke, I'd still wean at 4 months, I'd still not drink, and I certainly would not force my children to not eat meat just because I didn't.