to want to hear examples of sons who are still close to their parents after marriage

[elisio1]

I have 2 DSs- I love them dearly. I don't feel at all daunted re:having 2 boys; I love stereotypical boy activities but ,equally, will throw myself into non male-stereotypical activities if they turn out to enjoy them more! I have always enjoyed mixed company, rather than all girl gangs.

But the thing I hear time and time again at toddlers groups, from friends, strangers, anyone who wants to stick their nose in, is that sons will leave me when they get married and turn to their wives' families. I know it's just talk, I know it doesn't always hold true, but it is the one aspect of having boys that I really worry about.

In fact, I really think this is the main thing that mums of boys worry about, and where all this current negativity/anxiety about having boys ( and , yes it really does exist. Sadly) stems from.

I think it would do all mums of boys some good if they could hear some examples where this doesn't happen..

I know of a few such examples so I'll start the ball rolling- my dh's best friend, who has 2 kids, moved to live next door to HIS parents. His wife adores the in-laws and always complains that her own parents aren't interested in the kids- in fact, they are much more interested in their SON's children! rather than their daughter's. So that example completely counters the stereotype.

So there's one example, but I'd love to hear more stories about sons staying close to their parents after marriage - and nice mil relationships.

DP is still close to his mum and I hope this sets a good example for our 2 boys.

My mum provides childcare 2 days a week while I work and we try to see MIL most weekends. It does mean MIL doesn't get much one to one time with DS and my mum doesn't see as much of us as a family, I do worry about whether things are balanced but everyone seems happy with the current arrangements. We are very lucky that my parents get on well with MIL and they're quite happy spending time with each other, since the second year DP and I were a couple we've all got together for Christmas so we don't have to choose between them for special occasions.

I know several women who see more of their ILs than their own family so I don't think it's that unusual.

My DP's family have sons who have all remained close after marriage. His mum had 4 brothers, one of whom died recently. The 3 surviving sons all visit regularly and take their parents on holiday. One is divorced and his ex wife still visits her ex in-laws with the children, and the widow of the deceased son still attends family events with her parents.

We recently moved to be close to DP's parents and I often take DS round to see them after nursery even when DP is working.

My half brother still visits his mum regularly and she spends even Sunday with them, along with her widowed sister.

My cousin's mother in law lives with them and her other son visits regularly.

To be honest, I don't think I know anyone who has dropped their own family on marriage. I would think it very odd indeed.

op, I too have 2 boys and worry about this a lot

my sister has 2 adult girls and to me, likes to crow about how close they are

I adore my boys and I just hope they don't forget me as they get older!

This issue bothers me too. I'm about to have my second DS and I often wonder if my boys will just bugger off and we'll never see them when they're grown up. I suppose I feel this all the more because they're dual citizens (UK and USA), and will therefore have to option to go and live/work in the US if they choose. Having said that, my three brothers are all still close to our parents and they and their kids are always visiting. If anything, it's me who moved away and has a very independent life.

I have four boys and worry about this. I think the worry has got worse as I have got older and I do wonder what it would have been like if I had a girl. I am close to all four boys and have a great relationship. The eldest son has had a steady girlfriend for two years and I really like her. However, despite our closeness when it comes down to it priority is given to her family.

My relationship with IL was never great thought FIL did make huge efforts to include me my MIL made it plan she expected someone else to turn up. I think this was because we are very different people. We always managed to get on though.

The problems really came when I became pregnant with first DC they did not 'get' it was not about them they were not the parents they did not control the decisions eg how baby was to be fed - they got very nasty with both DH and me and they tried causing problems.

The distance was a reaction to their behaviour which has improved a bit in recent years and as a result they see more of the DC. They see more than my parents who do not make the effort with the DC.

I have a DS - when I get a DIL I intend to be welcoming and if they have DC to be supportive and as non critical as possible and to spoil within reason the DGC. I hope that will enough to get along.

However what worried me is my MIL and my mum had unsupportive critical mothers and nightmare MILS and they have both been exactly like them but can not see that or will not admit it. I would never want to put another person though what they have put me through so it worries me I might not recognise my behaviour.