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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect a 'warmer' reception? Some people shouldn't have houseguests...

86 replies

BlackSwan · 28/04/2011 10:34

Just got back from holiday visiting relatives o/s to introduce them to our bub... had been warmly invited to stay (after offering to stay in a hotel) - arrived with bundles of gifts, cooked, cleaned, paid for groceries... only to be told to please make sure I turned off the bathroom light if I wasn't in there...eh, excuse me... sorry if I found it a little dark walking around with a baby in my arms. 'My fault... ok' I said - & made sure not to do it again. Also their house was freeezing cold, but they never turned on a heater. Even had to ask to turn the water heater on before I wanted a luke-warm shower. Needed to boil the kettle to make a bath for the baby. I now have a throat infection which I caught from one of the relatives. Hoping baby doesn't get sick too. Our hosts are obsessively neat. She even washes hen's eggs. Is this normal? He picked up what was quite possibly one of my hairs from the bench and walked it over to the bin. I'm no slob... but it was a chore keeping up with the constant cleaning. Had taken their child an outfit as one of the presents... though it fits, the mother wants a larger size, so she sent me home with it and wants me to exchange it and post another one. Honestly, I think I might just give it to someone more grateful.

OP posts:
porcamiseria · 28/04/2011 10:35

nice! suspewct you wont be going back there again

Original poster
BlackSwan · 28/04/2011 10:38

yeah... not going back. Just spoke with another relative who dropped the biggest bombshell... these people don't even have a mortgage. All empathy out the window.

OP posts:
LauraNorder · 28/04/2011 10:44

Flippin heck what miserable sods. I remember visiting DH's very good friends. They were very welcoming but obsessively neat, it was such hard work and had a negative effect on the holiday. DD was a toddler, it was exhausting. I was even asked "what does it eat?" referring to DD Sad. They have since had children and really chilled out, almost a pleasure to visit Wink

bubblecoral · 28/04/2011 10:44

YABVU to have a problem with them just because they don't have a mortgage! Hmm

I don't have a mortgage either, but then that's because my Dad died and left me a house when I was a teenager. I know which I'd rather have. You have no idea of the ins and out of their finances, so you shouldn't be judging them on it.

So, they are anal about keeping their house clean. What's the problem? It's their house and if that's the way they like it that's up to them. You have discovered it means you don't feel particularly comfortable, so don't stay there again. But don't bitch about them just because they do things differently to you in their own home!

The fact that you gave them presents is irrelevant. You give because you want to, not because you expect anything in return.

LauraNorder · 28/04/2011 10:44

Oooooh not sure what happened with the italics there!

BluddyMoFo · 28/04/2011 10:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LauraNorder · 28/04/2011 10:47

Sure but you don't give to be told take it home, get a bigger and post it to me as the OP has said. I think that was a bit ungrateful.

Not sure I understand your mortgage comment OP - does it matter?

LoopyLoopsNincompoop · 28/04/2011 10:51

Don't really understand, especially the mortgage bit.

Original poster
BlackSwan · 28/04/2011 10:54

Oh - didn't explain... I was told to keep the light off because the last electricity bill was so high. That's also why the babies had to play in the relative darkness. I insisted we keep the light above the play area lit because my DS has vision problems. My point was that if they don't have a mortgage, then surely they can afford to heat the place and keep it lit.

OP posts:
KaraStarbuckThrace · 28/04/2011 10:54

' though it fits, the mother wants a larger size, so she sent me home with it and wants me to exchange it and post another one.'

That is rude. Take the outfit back, but don't exchange it and post it!!

They sounded like very hard work. YANBU.

Ephiny · 28/04/2011 10:56

What does it have to do with anything whether they have a mortgage or not? Do you mean they're renting or they own their house outright? Either way how is it relevant? Confused

They do sound a bit rude and difficult to live with, definitely, don't think I'd be in a hurry to visit again!

bubblecoral · 28/04/2011 10:59

Again, you don't know what's going on with their finances so you can't really comment about their bills and what they can and can't afford.

It's not particularly welcoming if you are cold and can't have enough light, maybe they could have been more accomodating with things like that. But they possibly just don't see it as a problem to live like that themselves, so it didn't occur to them that you would be so uncomfortable doing things their way.

PfftTheMagicDragon · 28/04/2011 11:01

eh? the mortgage stuff makes NO sense.

AgentZigzag · 28/04/2011 11:02

Having a mortgage doesn't mean you can afford anything, not sure where you've heard that pearl.

I would get my money back on the outfit as well and not send another, if she wanted it exchanging she should have offered to pay postage and asked nicely.

I did have a laugh at the image you created of him picking up the hair and gingerly taking it over to the bin before it bit him Grin

Spudulika · 28/04/2011 11:08

YANBU AT ALL. Don't they know the meaning of the word 'hospitality'?

perfumedlife · 28/04/2011 11:08

I know what you meant op, no mortgage but can't make their guest comfortable with heat and light. Frankly they shouldn't invite people to stay if they are unprepared or unwilling to make them comfortable. It's rude.

They sound mean. I hate mean, which is not the same as careful.

Ephiny · 28/04/2011 11:18

But if you didn't say you were cold (if they're used to an unheated house they may not realise) or explain why you needed the light on at night, how were they to know? They do sound a bit odd, definitely, but you sound a bit passive-aggressive as well. e.g. about taking back the present you could have just said no.

Still don't get the mortgage thing. You don't know what their financial situation is, in fact you don't even know that their views about heating/lighting are to do with money, maybe they prefer not to have an overheated house and sleep better in complete darkness, or maybe they want to live in a more 'sustainable' way.

GiddyPickle · 28/04/2011 11:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nepenthe3 · 28/04/2011 11:24

Had some sympathy until you dropped in the bit about the mortgage. Don't see the relevance.

AgentZigzag · 28/04/2011 11:27

That's it perfumed, you can be careful yourself in everyday life to live within your means, but you don't force visitors to go without basic comforts.

It sounds like they think heating and light are extravagant luxuries, some people do get into that WW II mindset of making do with the least possible.

Abr1de · 28/04/2011 11:27

It's April! Who has their heating on now? Perhaps they'd have turned it on if you'd asked. I am used to colder houses and sometimes forget my elderly father needs more warmth.

SlightlyScrambled · 28/04/2011 11:31

Some people just haven't a clue how to be hospitable. But hey, at least you don't have to go back again.

I had a bad experience a while back and was so surprised by it. People are just so different when you live with them. We didn't let on though and accepted that maybe they'd were equally as horrified when they stayed with us. Cold and hungry were our main problems. So we bought food and that was taken as an insult by our hosts. I was just so frickin hungry. I nearly did book into a hotel after a few days but that would have caused war. I didn't want fall out with them.

YANBU.

AngelsOnHigh · 28/04/2011 11:32

Where abouts O/S do they live?.

Maybe everyone is the same there.

They shouldn't have invited you if they were not going to make sure you were comfortable.

I've just had my Mum stay with me for a week over the Easter break and I made sure I had everything she likes. Like sugar and salt which I don't normally keep in the house.

Exchange the suit for one 4 times larger and send it to her.

amberleaf · 28/04/2011 11:37

YANBU

DrunkenDaisy · 28/04/2011 11:38

I can understand washing the eggs - it's come out of a chicken's fanny FGS.

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