AIBU?
to say NO PRESENTS for my DS when it is my DD's birthday?
LittleOneMum · 27/04/2011 15:01
Oh I have started World War Three with my PIL and my parents. 
It is DD's first birthday on Friday (yes, the day of the Royal Wedding [cwink]). We have planned a small ish celebration for her, with friends and family.
My DS is 3.5. I have explained to him that it is DD's birthday, and that on DD's birthday she will get presents and that he will not. That he will get presents on his birthday - in September. And she won't. This is important to me because DS is already spoiled rotten by his GPs and I think it is important to learn this lesson.
Anyway, so I mentioned this on the phone to my PIL and to my Mum, who are coming to the party on Friday. You'd think I'd said I was going to let him go to a party on his own at Garry Glitter's house. Jeez.
"Oh LittleOneMum, you CANNOT be so horrible to him! Poor little thing, he won't understand why she is getting all the presents and attention!" (er, yes he will I have explained)
" But I have already bought him lots of things!" (that's just silly, but you can bring that stuff next time)
"Oh, I am bringing him a small present only" (yeah, right, I saw that parcel that you had delivered from Amazon to my house and it is the size of a tricycle).
AIBU to stand my ground on this?
freddy05 · 27/04/2011 15:09
YANBU it drives me mad when people do this. Worse though is when people bring them stuff on adults birthdays and deal with them first. It really does confuse kids who think it's their dads special day when they get the presents and he gets ignored. DD1 was so upset on DH's birthday because he got ignored and she got the presents!!
FreudianSlipOnACrown · 27/04/2011 15:10
YANBU! it is vital to set the precedent now. Otherwise one year if they forget to get him something then trouble will ensue... Anyway I totally agree with the principal.
Children should also learn about the pleasure of GIVING on somebody else's birthday. I assume you've covered that and helped him choose and buy something for his little sister :)
You need to put them straight. They'll get over it if you're firm on it. And I wouldn't let them just give him the stuff on the very next visit either - because then he'll expect that next year.
pregnantpause · 27/04/2011 15:10
YANBU, september i not a world away- they can give him gifts then! surely they dont want him to grow up with the kind of sense of entitlement that this harbours? And are they not eager to spoil dd equally?to give her the limelight, on HER birthday?
stand your ground!
cantspel · 27/04/2011 15:12
i have always given a small present to my other child on a birthday. It is only a token and now they are teenagers i offer them a tenner or something to the same sort of value.
My mum always gives money on birthdays and the other one will also get a fiver or now they are getting older a tenner.
Ephiny · 27/04/2011 15:17
That does seem odd, I've never heard of such a thing. Though I can't imagine giving a present to a 1 year old either, can they even understand what's happening? DP wrote a birthday card for his 1 year old niece a while ago, which I thought was hilarious (she's not an infant genius and can not in fact read at all), he seemed to think it was a reasonable thing to do though!
So maybe it's all normal these days!
Bramshott · 27/04/2011 15:17
My GPs give a small present to DD1 on DD2's birthday, and DD2 on DD1's birthday, which I know the DDs love. I don't mind them doing it TBH, as it's only a small thing (think craft kit or similar), and I know that the girls find each other's birthday's tricky (even DD1 aged 8 
). But it sounds like yours is MUCH MORE than that!
Laquitar · 27/04/2011 15:22
YANBU.
It drives me mad too, especially when they say 'Poor X'.
I've got an aunt who is a lovely woman but she always does this. Her dds are both in their 30s and they always have to be the centre of attention.
I think children have to learn to celebrate other people's special days. After all they have fun, sweets, cakes.
Stick to your guns OP.
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/04/2011 15:33
You're not being unreasonable BUT I think up to a certain age, it's possibly a good idea for the younger sibling(s) to have a tiny token so that celebrations aren't spoiled by screaming toddlers who, with the best will in the world, aren't going to understand. I personally think that 5 years old is old enough to know that it's a celebration for a sibling, not them, and they're old enough to get involved in helping to get things ready for a party or something.
I understand why you're making the point to your PILs but really, do you really need to be so very prescriptive? Can they not bring a few sweets for him or comic or something?
FreudianSlipOnACrown · 27/04/2011 15:35
Ephiny - I think it's pretty normal to get a baby a present for their first birthday! In fact it just further what has been said on this thread - that much of the fun of birthdays is about giving - sure, the baby won't understand it, but the parents/family get to see the baby playing with a new toy and having fun :)
GooseyLoosey · 27/04/2011 15:37
Actually my children have always had one small present on the other's birthday.
The reason for this is that dh said to me that when he was a child, his sister's birthday meant nothing to him, he was bored by the whole occassion.
I didn't want that - I wanted each of my dcs to look forward to the birthday of the other. As a result each gets a fairly small present - usually from the GPs. There is no expectation that they will get loads or anything other than a token but it does make them more engaged with the whole process. Each has always invited 1 friend to the other's party as well (they are very close in age).
kaj32 · 27/04/2011 15:39
I used to get a present on my older brother's birthday and he still tells everyone about it 25 years later 
. My mum tried give my dd a present on my niece's birthday. She's promised not to next year after i told everyone
she's losing her marbles. [Wink]
YANBU, have you suggested they also get you a present for being clever and having the baby?
Insomnia11 · 27/04/2011 15:41
"You're not being unreasonable BUT I think up to a certain age, it's possibly a good idea for the younger sibling(s) to have a tiny token so that celebrations aren't spoiled by screaming toddlers who, with the best will in the world, aren't going to understand. I personally think that 5 years old is old enough to know that it's a celebration for a sibling, not them, and they're old enough to get involved in helping to get things ready for a party or something."
I agree. DD1 was 3.5 when DD2 was born and she got lots of presents then, plus one or two bits on DD2's first birthday. It doesn't have to carry on for the rest of their lives.
Isn't it normal for siblings to whinge (not on birthdays per se but in general) that "She has a bigger slice of cake than me/You got her something, I didn't get anything!" I don't know as I didn't have any, but if they need new shoes or something I tend to try and get them at the same time, so far anyway.
pinkhebe · 27/04/2011 15:43
I got a small gift on my sisters birthday . There's only a week between my boys birthday, but when ds1 was small (4th and 5th birthday) I would give him one of his presents early, stopped any tantrums and owing to the fact I usually have a joint party for them seemed quite reasonable 
IgnoringTheChildren · 27/04/2011 15:47
YANBU and should stand your ground, however you should also be prepared for the fact that your DS may play up a bit and the GPs may then get a little "I told you so"!
It's fair enough for an older sibling to get presents after the arrival of a new baby when visitors bring baby gifts, but they need to learn that they don't get presents on other people's birthdays! Although going by the ridiculously generous bag of goodies that my DS brought home from the last party he attended maybe this isn't the case...
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