to say NO PRESENTS for my DS when it is my DD's birthday?

[LittleOneMum]

Oh I have started World War Three with my PIL and my parents.

It is DD's first birthday on Friday (yes, the day of the Royal Wedding [cwink]). We have planned a small ish celebration for her, with friends and family.

My DS is 3.5. I have explained to him that it is DD's birthday, and that on DD's birthday she will get presents and that he will not. That he will get presents on his birthday - in September. And she won't. This is important to me because DS is already spoiled rotten by his GPs and I think it is important to learn this lesson.

Anyway, so I mentioned this on the phone to my PIL and to my Mum, who are coming to the party on Friday. You'd think I'd said I was going to let him go to a party on his own at Garry Glitter's house. Jeez.
"Oh LittleOneMum, you CANNOT be so horrible to him! Poor little thing, he won't understand why she is getting all the presents and attention!" (er, yes he will I have explained)
" But I have already bought him lots of things!" (that's just silly, but you can bring that stuff next time)
"Oh, I am bringing him a small present only" (yeah, right, I saw that parcel that you had delivered from Amazon to my house and it is the size of a tricycle).

AIBU to stand my ground on this?

[LittleOneMum]

UPDATE!

As predicated, ILs got DS a huge present (actually larger and more expensive than DD's present) and gave it to him in his room while I was downstairs at the party. I bit my tongue and said nothing. My Mum (bless her) brought him two sticker books which he loved and spent all weekend playing with. And he loved his party bag!

[IgnoringTheChildren]

Well at least your DD is too young to notice/get jealous! Glad that the party went well and that you manage to get through WWIII without any casualties!

[ConnorTraceptive]

This sort of thing really annoys me dh's family do it except they are ridiculous and even cousins have to be given a gift on other people's birthdays (It really really piss's me off). My feelings are known but I feel like I have to go along with it because how would ds1 have felt when on ds2's birthday when his brother and his cousins were getting gifts and not him?

It's made worse by the fact that his four cousins are actually all teens now. anyway rant over as you were.

[takethisonehereforastart]

That is really rude of them OP.

It's one thing to say a token gift won't do any harm but to buy him something bigger and better than they gave to the child whose birthday it is is wrong, and to do it behind your back knowing you had asked them not to is downright rude and ignorant.

What does your DH say about his parents doing this?

I think if this is something you feel very strongly about you are going to have to put a stop to a lot of the random presents they just turn up with throughout the year and both you and your DH will have to be very firm.

It's not controlling at all. All parents want to teach their child a particular set of lessons or values that they feel are important and the grandparents have no right to override your wishes.

I don't know why this custom has sprung up really. It's one thing to do it when a new baby arrives in a family but birthdays are different. It's not leaving a child out, they all have a birthday and there is usually a party or a family treat or outting that everyone takes part in to look forward to.

[nzshar]

No I do not think you ABU op. I just don't get the whole getting a present for siblings on birthdays. I come from a family of 8 children. Your birthday was the one day of the year that was yours and yours alone. All attention and all presents are for you and you can feel like a prince/princess for the day. Everyone has a birthda in the year so no one misses out ffs!

[stealthsquiggle]

Another thing I learned on MN - is this really common - other than older sibling gifts when new baby arrives, which I do get? ?

No-one has ever bought my DC presents on their sibling's birthday, and neither would it occur to me to do so for anyone else.

My DC do get far too many random presents from GPs (especially PIL) which I only (silently) object to because I am concerned that they will come to expect presents every time they see them, but both sets of GPs have (just about) kept it infrequent/random enough that the DC have been surprised and grateful and not brattish about it,so far [fingers crossed].

The sneaky giving things when you are not looking is well out of order.

[oldraver]

I bit my tongue and said nothing

Have you said anything since ? I can understand while the party is in full swing but if you want to sort this out you need to. I know it would be unfair to your son now, to take the present off him and give back but I would be so tempted.

[VeryStressedStudent]

I think it is wrong. The only time I can remember gifts being given to someone when it wasn't their birthday was on my 9th, as my youngest sister and a cousin were christened on the same day, so for my other sister and cousin a small tin of sweets for each of them was brought.

I think my parents knew some jealousy ran between the three of us, so in order to make us understand that other people have their own days, we weren't allowed anything other then left over party bag bits, we didn't even get one of our own!!