to think MIL is being ridiculous

[Syd35]

My MIL has said she is having nothing to do with us because we didn't spend Easter Sunday with her. We have spent the day with her for the last two years but this year we decided to have friends round for a BBQ and thought it would be nice for the children to have some fun hunting for eggs etc. We spent Saturday evening with MIL and DH actually was the one who didn't want to invite her around on Sunday. We have been so good at spending time with her since DH's father passed away (7 years ago), for instance we holiday together once a year and see her almost every weekend and have spent the last 9 Christmasses together (I haven't had a Xmas with my family since DH and I got together). My mother is so laid back and doesn't put pressure on us to visit so I can't understand this.

MIL was due to look after DS today and we phoned last night to confirm the arrangement. We hadn't even realised there was any upset until she went ballistic on the phone and said we were selfish for not seeing her on Easter which in her opinion is like Christmas. She was tearful which is not like her, she's usually quite a tough cookie. If she had let us know Easter meant so much to her of course we would have seen her on the day but actually for us Easter is time off work, fun for the kids and an excuse to have lots of chocolate. Now she is not looking after DS which is causing a problem today but we'll manage.

Anyway, MIL says she wants nothing to do with us now which I think is really harsh and DH is very upset. She won't reason with us and slams the phone down so she is really angry just now. We are not sure how to smooth this over as obviously we still want her in our lives, she is great with DS and we enjoy her company for the most part but we don't think it's fair that she is making such an issue about this. We had invited her round this Friday to watch the Royal wedding with us but she says she's not coming now. This is not the first time she has stamped her feet if we haven't done as she wished and I think she is being unreasonable.

Any advice how we should go forward?

OK well you def need to say what it actually says. Crikey. Who you you and DH actually want to line up as potential guardians?
IF she is worried that what she believes to be your feckless family with take DSs money and waste it for him, then you can appoint trustees to oversee how the money is spent, although that is extra faff.

I think not seeing the MIL if she goes off in a huff would be a welcome relief at the moment. Perhaps they fear she will go off for a few days and then start turning up at their home unannounced or phoning to have a go at them.

They should make it clear that the promise of an inheritance will not force them to continue tolerating the appalling bullying, blackmail and lack of respect from MIL.

Sorry OP, I see in a much earlier post that MIL has lots of interests and friends. I bet they won't put up with her strops, and she knows it. Eventually she will crawl back tail between her legs, or face being excluded from their social circle. I think the Easter Sunday thing is about loss of face. She probably told everyone that you were all going there, because she assumed you were. Then when you didn't go, she was angry and embarrassed, both for your not doing as she wanted, but also because she would have to explain she had slipped up by not checking whether you were going/inviting you properly, if anyone asked about her day.

Could Syd's new solicitor get the original will from the other solicitor by legal means, if MIL won't do it, because if she has named herself as guardian to her DGS, she has done it against the will of his parents. Definitely unfit as a guardian. (Please don't say DH agreed to her being a guardian)

I have my own copy at home. It wasn't even done by a solicitor it was some Will company. That's why I'm now consulting with a solicitor, got appointment booked for after the long weekend.

The Will companies are not necessarily cowboys. We did ours through one and it's all fine. Great that you have made appt though.
Has she put herself down as sole guardian then?

Excellent!
So basically she drafted the will so that she could be the legal guardian to your DS AGAINST your will?
I can't believe your DH let you sign it. You have to chose who you want as guardian, not her.

Make sure the original will is destroyed just in case. You never know.

Hah! She was taken in by the promises of the ACME ''Nix Your DIL! With Instant Will' ads, it seems

Syd if you have your own copy at home I'm guessing you MUST have looked at it before and seen only money-related jargon, rather than anything about guardianship of your DS...right?

Either way looks like you're well on the case and will be taking steps to put some boundaries in place.

I do feel for your DH. Worth pointing out that although a bust-up isn't the nicest experience, in the long run putting a stop to her sense of entitlement and the way she treats you all will IMPROVE things for all of you. Right now they are deteriorating rapidly! And then there's DS too. If she's still being allowed to act out like this when he's older, what does your DH think the chances are of an 11, 12, 15 year-old DS wanting to spend any time with demanding criticising manipulative old Granny?

Demand respect from her, for your family and your basic autonomy, and she'll have no choice but to give it, eventually. Or grump off and be on her own all the time!

Don't want to hi jack the thread OP, but i have had a similar experience to you, constantly trying to appease my mil. Everyone constantly rallying around her etc. It got to the point that i could no longer take anymore and refused to see her. The sense of relief.....

I am so glad you are taking some legal advise about that will it is worrying. Please promise never to sign another legal document with no knowledge of its contents!

I am a bit shocked at your DH to be honest.

You just came out of hospital and he stood by and let your MIL bully you into signing a document you had no clue about the contents of to protect your MIL's money. He was actually happy you had done this to protect her money! He then took the will into work and got co-workers to sign that they had seen you sign it

The pair of you need to have a little chat about where loyalties should lie in your marriage!

Incidentally protect her money from whom? Surely if DH is an only child her money will go to him anyway.

Update op?!

Hairfullof - thanks for asking. The day wasn't too bad actually. I decided to be a bit awkward and went out for most of the morning with DS when I knew MIL was due to turn up. I also invited my auntie round in the afternoon so got back in time to greet her. I think this was a good idea as I basically caught up with my auntie and didn't have much to say to MIL. She knows she has pissed me off, she commented to DH that something was going on when she arrived to find me and DS not home.

Anyway things were civil enough and MIL even asked if I wanted help with DS next week when hubby is away on business to which I replied "No thanks, I have it sorted!".

MIL announced she was off home around 7pm and DH said "why don't you stay and watch a movie with us", which I wasn't overly thrilled about. So she didn't leave till after 10pm but at least with a film on I didn't have to make conversation!

It sounds as though you handled things well, although I still think your husband is more of a mummy's boy than you let on. I like my inlaws but I wouldn't expect my husband to invite them to stay until 10 if we'd had visitors all day, and especially if he knows I don't like his mother.
That is odd behaviour on his part.
He comes across as rather domineering for not asking you first if this is OK before inviting her to stay. Also why does he want his mum to stay all evening? Is he avoiding being alone with you?

I think we were all relaxed after a few drinks and it's not uncommon for her to stay and watch a film in the past. He should have asked me first though I would probably have said "whatever!".

We have plenty of alone time so no that is not the case! I also made sure we had a big snog after the William and Kate kiss, I said come on let's show 'em how it's done properly. My auntie thought this hilarious, MIL was po-faced hee hee!

Anyway, I'm very glad we got through the day and I will be limiting our get-togethers going forward.

Seems a lot of people have issues with their in-laws, I have been looking at some of the other threads with interest so it's nice to know I'm not the only one :-)

Nice to see an update! Glad you feel better. I hope you get the will sorted too. I hope you find the strength to follow through and not let her do these kind of things too. Good luck

Hallo Syd, hope you get good advice from the solicitor - he/she will probably advise you that the will is void. Fact is, as Gruffalo said, it is NOT legal, because it was not signed in the presence of witnesses or witnessed in the presence of the signee. I'm surprised at DH and his colleagues for colluding in this. They must be very stupid, very under his thumb or very ignorant. Will writers can be excellent. Ours ensured that we had witnesses and he himself attended to make sure the wills were signed and witnessed correctly. He also sent us two drafts beforehand and said that, if we wanted any changes made afterwards, he would be happy to do them at no extra cost - which sounds like a conscientious will writer, to me. But as Gruffalo said, the witness issue would not be known about in the future, the will would only be queried if there is something wrong in the wording. So PLEASE destroy it and make a fresh one.

Why not arrange joint guardianship with both grandmothers? With the money in trust. A good solicitor will advise you on this. Don't let DH and his mother push you into favouring her over your own mother - it's just storing up trouble for you. And DO have a Christmas with your mother!

Good luck!