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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think taking kids to a civil partnership is no different from taking them to a wedding?

111 replies

namechange5635 · 26/04/2011 16:29

Namechanged because things are bad between me and (not-so-D)H at the moment as it is and I don't want people I know on here to know that.

Had an invitation through the door today to the civil partnership (ceremony and reception) of quite a good friend of mine. Husband has already said he will come with me (we knew the invite was on its way).

He got home from work just now and I told him the invitation had arrived and that I'd put the date on the calendar. He said "Oh, ok, I suppose we'll have to arrange childcare. Maybe my mum will be able to babysit". I told him the invite was for all of us, DCs included. He immediately looked horrified and said that of course we couldn't take the kids to a gay wedding. I gave him a Hmm look and he muttered something about it being inappropriate. He's now sitting on his arse watching the cricket and refusing to talk about it.

DCs are 8 and 1, btw. Obviously DS (1) will be too young to understand what's going on anyway, but DD has met the couple in question and understands that they are getting married, much like any other couple would.

I'm not being unreasonable to think he's being an absolutely massive, immature twat, am I?

OP posts:
GwendolineMaryLacey · 26/04/2011 16:47

In case you still need confirmation, he's a twat. I'd get a babysitter for the 1yo if poss though, your DH can sulk in the corner and you and the 8yo can have a whale of a time :)

MardyBra · 26/04/2011 16:49

Total Twat.

My DCs have been to a couple of civil partnerships - way before they were old enough to understand about sex or relationships. I remember hearing DD aged about 6 at the time explaining it to the neighbours (who were listening politely in amusement): "Well if two men love each other and want to live together...." I thought it was quite sweet.

I would be really Shock if DH behaved that way. In fact, I would be re-evaluating my whole relationship and questioning the moral integrity of the person I was with.

Ephiny · 26/04/2011 16:49

He's being ridiculous - how can it possibly be any more 'inappropriate' than taking children to a wedding? If we had civil partnerships for straight couples (which could happen) would he think that was inappropriate as well? If not then he's simply being homophobic, nothing else it could be.

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 26/04/2011 16:52

I think it's really appropriate! What a silly sod he is being.

Lovely of your friends to specifically invite the DC as well, I bet it'll be a great day (and much better without any snidey-voice rubbish from your husband). Perhaps he could draw you a diagram of exactly what is unsuitable about it?

Unless you forgot to mention that it's being held at an S&M dungeon or a gay massage parlour or something? :o

Ciske · 26/04/2011 16:55

I was at a gay wedding last week, there were loads of kids and none of them suffered permanent damage due to seeing two guys getting married. Your children will follow your example and accept it as another fact of life if that's what you and your DH do.

Can you sit him down and discuss what his worst fear will be and how you can counteract it? Hopefully that will make him realise he is worrying about nothing and that the problem is more with his own feelings than how his DCs will react.

Original poster
namechange5635 · 26/04/2011 16:56

MardyBra I'm already re-evaluating our whole relationship, I think he's having an affair but I have no proof and anyway that's a whole other thread. This is just one in a long line of twattish things he's done recently but I didn't want to mention that in the OP so I didn't influence people's opinions of him on this specific issue.

FIL is a massive homophobe so I wouldn't be surprised if deep down, DH shared some of his dad's bigotted views. With FIL it's much more obvious though; DH just says things snidely so you can never quite tell whether it's meant as an insult or not. Suspect it usually is though Sad

OP posts:
MardyBra · 26/04/2011 16:58

Sorry to hear things are tough namechange.

Quodlibet · 26/04/2011 16:59

Sensible suggestion from Ciske there, if you're able to remain calm and generous and rational in the face of such twattery.

I would be angry that he's being so disrespectful of my friend and their union on top of everything else.

DontCallMePeanut · 26/04/2011 17:02

YANBU! DS has met and socialised with my gay friends, and has shown no signs of lasting damage Grin (ok, brief hyperactivity after one shared his haribo...)

Seriously, though. What damage does DH think it will do? Bajeesus. Surely this is a good way to make sure your DC DON'T become homophobic morons.

Original poster
namechange5635 · 26/04/2011 17:04

I would sit him down and discuss it but he just refuses, he's treating it like we've already decided the DCs aren't going! I just tried to ask him again what was so inappropriate about it but he said I was being silly and said that he didn't have time to discuss it now (he's watching the fucking cricket, for god's sake, is that really more important?).

Sad
OP posts:
jugglingjo · 26/04/2011 17:04

Just thinking though that you have to choose your arguments wisely in life.
You say you're going through difficult times at the moment anyway, and I wouldn't want this to cause more trouble than it has to.
MardyBra - I thought it was great too when I heard my DD talking about two women who came to talk with her group at the Quaker conference we were on - about their relationship. It's good to see things through the fresh eyes of a child. Suddenly it all seems so straightforward and simple - and not all about sex !

AngryGnome · 26/04/2011 17:06

Sorry to hear things are not going well with your not-so-D H at the moment. And to add to the chorus, no, YANBU, and yes, he is being a massive immature twat.

You, on the other hand, sound lovely - go without him to the civil partnership and have a grand old time with the DCs! Grin

MillyR · 26/04/2011 17:08

I agree with Mardybra.

I would be worried about someone having such views, and the impact that would have on my kids as they get older.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents · 26/04/2011 17:09

He isn't being a twat, he is a twat.

meditrina · 26/04/2011 17:12

5635: Thanks for the clarification: I think he's being outrageous! I'd be tempted to go with the DCs but without him. I hope you can find a way through this.

zikes · 26/04/2011 17:21

I think that he is a homophobe and your friends would be better off without his attendance at their wedding.

MintyMoo · 26/04/2011 17:32

It is a wedding, what on earth does he think happens at a civil ceremony? Shagging in front of the registrar and a sacrificial slaughter?

:) Squeaky - sounds much more fun than the average wedding Wink

On a serious note OP your DH is a massive twat about this one. If he's that against it he shouldn't go and sully the wedding of your friends.

Take the DC, you'll all have a wonderful time and he can sulk at home like a 3 year old.

GrimmaTheNome · 26/04/2011 17:37

Just thinking though that you have to choose your arguments wisely in life.

Sure, but this is a pretty fundamental issue. Is homophobia OK or not?
I've not been to a civil partnership ceremony but I'd take a small bet that its actually less implicitly sexual than the most traditional church wording.

The other issue here may be about whether he thinks his opinion is more valid than the OPs for no logical reason.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 26/04/2011 17:39

Folicacid has spoken for me. YANBU.

TiggyD · 26/04/2011 17:40

I agree with Minty. You need to find a sitter for you H.

And yes, HIBAT.

Vicky2011 · 26/04/2011 19:05

I officially am married to someone who is to the right of Attilla but even he has never dreamt of telling me not to take DS to my friends' CP ceremonies.

Really scary these people still exist :(

FriedEggyAndSlippery · 26/04/2011 19:13

I dare you to buy your DH this book

(I'm hoping to pick up a copy for my DCs soon but it's quite expensive for a children's book!)

RunAwayWife · 26/04/2011 19:22

Is he offended by them or their "getting married"

I would have no problem with taking my children to a civil partnership of "my big fat gay wedding as one of my friends called theirs

supergreenuk · 26/04/2011 19:24

I don't think that is homophobic to feel that. It may be that he doesn't agree with the life style choice and perhaps wants to delay exposure to his children. And before anyone accuses me of being homophobic you can think again as you have no idea of my background.

It does seem that the children have already been exposed to this lifestyle so seems a bit late to start backing away. Hope you can come to a conclusion together.

AngryGnome · 26/04/2011 19:27

"exposed to this lifestyle"???

Biscuit