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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to be guilt tripped?

50 replies

yummybutterbiscuit · 25/04/2011 15:23

had a falling out with my mum yesterday because I didnt go to church....

I work all weekend in a pub, so have a long lie on sundays. was going to MILs for sunday lunch at 2, so wouldnt be able to go to an evening mass, and becase I work all weekend, I didnt make it to any of the other easter masses.

so at 12pm on sunday I got a phonecall from my mum asking if I had been to church, I said no, I slept in and was now on the train on the way to MILs. All I got in response was an 'ok, bye' and then she hung up on me.

about 2 mins later I got another phonecall from her, and I answered expecting an apology for being short with me. INstead I got a shouting crying phonecall telling me that I'd 'broken her heart' and 'how can she not hate my OH because its his fault'. He's agnostic but does support me with the fact that I am religious.

I stayed silent on the phone, until she hung up on me again, I then texted my dad to say that th phonecall had been really unfair, and that they need to let my be an adult and make my own decisions about whether or not I go to church.

And the annoying thing is that I would still class myself as a practising catholic, I just dont think going to church every sunday is the be-all and end-all of faith. I can be lazy about going to church, and I know its laziness, but I always have a busy weekend and am tired by sunday. I dont think my mum gets that its not a personal slight against her if I dont go to church.

So basically, AIBU to not have got in touch with her since then? IM waiting for an apology, but so is she apparantly. but I havnt done anything I need to apologise for, have I???

OP posts:
ChaoticAngelofchocolateeggs · 25/04/2011 15:28

No you haven't and she needs to realise that you are an adult and will make your own decisions.

redexpat · 29/04/2011 23:54

YANBU. What chaotic said.

HalfPastWine · 29/04/2011 23:56

You don't have to justify your 'church going' to anyone, least of all your mother. That decision is between you and your faith. You may need to reiterate that point to your mother ! :)

Tortington · 29/04/2011 23:59

nope

I wouldnt contact her - and when she contacts you - being the type she sounds - i assume shes lose the plot and start with the guilt - we catholics love the guilt - so then i would respond with these in any order
'how charitable of you'
'i hope you confess those bad thoughts'
'pnly god should judge me'
'judge not lest ye be judged'
'oh do piss off mum, speak to me when you can be civil '

blackeyedsusan · 30/04/2011 00:00

Are you not a bit young to be working in a pub? no? must be an adult then who can make her own decisions about church.

Tortington · 30/04/2011 00:00

'let he who cast the first stone be without sin'
' i remember that time when i was 9 yers old and you....[insert mean thing she did'

GwendolineMaryLacey · 30/04/2011 00:02

To be fair, you can't be that much of a practising Catholic if you can't drag your arse to church on Easter Sunday. Yes your mother's reaction was bonkers, of course it was but even so, if there is one day of the year you should make an effort it was that one.

Tortington · 30/04/2011 00:02

Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you (Matthew 7:12)

Tortington · 30/04/2011 00:04

Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters. One man's faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him. Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for The Lord is able to make him stand."

Tortington · 30/04/2011 00:04

So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God. Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another." (Romans 14:1-13)

textfan · 30/04/2011 00:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 30/04/2011 00:06

Why do I feel like I'm in the Life of Brian? :o

Tortington · 30/04/2011 00:06

Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbour?"

James

Tortington · 30/04/2011 00:07

Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven;"

HalfPastWine · 30/04/2011 00:07

I just dont think going to church every sunday is the be-all and end-all of faith

OP, I totally agree. I was brought up in the Catholic faith however I no longer go to church. I don't need to go to church to pray. I can pray anywhere anytime... home, work, walking down the street or on the bus!

Tortington · 30/04/2011 00:07

Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment.?"

John 7:24

Tortington · 30/04/2011 00:08

Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ?Let me take the speck out of your eye,? when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye."

Matthew 7:1-5

THATS A GOOD UN

GwendolineMaryLacey · 30/04/2011 00:13

Isn't that just one big cop out? The same cop out that I tried for years as a teenager. It translates as I can't be bothered or I've something better to do. Going to mass is a pretty fundamental requirement of the Catholic faith and if you can't manage that then you can't call yourself practising.

Rohanda · 30/04/2011 00:13

pass custardo that big spliff. She has sooo earned it.

Judge not lest you be judged would be the end of MN!

LoveBeingAbleToNamechange · 30/04/2011 00:13

Who threw that stone?

Are there any women here?

Rohanda · 30/04/2011 00:15

gwendoline - no, going to mass isn't a fundamental requirement of being a catholic at all. Living by Catholic values is the fundament. Mass-going was an invention in the 15 century.

HerHissyness · 30/04/2011 00:18

You need an answerphone! Grin

Maryz · 30/04/2011 00:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rohanda · 30/04/2011 00:27

yes, maryz - it's that attitude that marks CoE away from any serious religion, isn't it? "If you have the time.." or if there is a social event attached to it, it's ok to go. CoE isn't really a religion is it? It's a sort of nod toward something that isn't entirely earth-based, but beyond that we really couldn't be bothered thinking about it. Sort of thing?

Tortington · 30/04/2011 00:28

i think we all come to a place where we can live or not live with religeon - we make a space for it - it fits into out lives. but god isn't in a church - he is wehre two or more are gathered in his name - so in theory as long as you get your kids or a friend and sit down and say a prayer - bobs your uncle i suppose

i haven't been to mass for a long time - i didn't go at easter either. i have very recent issues.

the god i love is an understand ing and forgiving god.

tbh i think we are all fucked - you can go to church all you like, if i ws god i would be super pissed at how the people of the world treat each other - i wouldn't be fucked with who went to church - but i would be uber pissed off at cruel mean and thoughtless people, uber pissed off at the lack of charity we show each other, the lack of consideration, how we judge each other, how we as people of nations have done nothing to help the millions of homeless and starving, how we let dictators rule, and 'democratically' elected nations rage war on nations with oil

if i were god, i'd just rub us all out and go back to dinosaurs

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