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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not know how to tell a friend that her sons have been behaving inappropriately toasted my young daughters

127 replies

emkana · 25/04/2011 00:07

context here

Please guys how do I do this?

OP posts:
emkana · 25/04/2011 10:14

I must be naive it had honestly never occurred to me that they shouldn't be allowed to go upstairs.

OP posts:
SardineQueen · 25/04/2011 10:16

emkana I don't think you are naive, I think that some people on here have a really worrying view of boys.

SardineQueen · 25/04/2011 10:18

My DH had a sister aged 7 when he was 16. I am fairly sure that he never abused, bullied or assaulted her, despite being alone with her sometimes. When she was born he even sometimes changed her nappy. Unbelievable he must be a total aberration.

Honestly this is ludicrous.

giyadas · 25/04/2011 10:18

Are you implying that teenage boys are prone to forcing themselves on little girls at the first opportunity and should therefore be supervised, Bonsoir?
Because that is how it comes across. I don't believe that to be the case ( although, admittedly that might be the result if they've been brought up with the mindset that everything boys do can ultimately be blamed on girls) Wink
As you've basically admitted that your DSS can't be trusted, it's very hard to see how you can maintain such a superior attitude. Wink

bigTillyMint · 25/04/2011 10:26

Bonsoir, are you saying that all boys aged 10+ are likely to jump ontop of a younger girl at the first chance?

My DS and the DS's of our friends would never dream of thinking that that was OK behaviour.

I would have no problem (and have had no problems) whatsoever with girls and boys of this age being in a room together unsupervised. We have brought them up to know right froem wrong, and definitely to know that this is at the very least, unsociable behaviour.

ikilledBosco · 25/04/2011 10:26

Young children can have vivid imaginations so my rule of "no upstairs" is in place to protect my Sons as much as to protect other visiting children . I know of a family (close friend) that the niece(6yr) accused her uncle (16yrs old) of touching her Sad this tore the family apart & years later the niece admitted she had made it up from something she has seen on TV . The 16yr olds life was in tatters Sad
Why put any child in that situation when a little bit of common sense would prevent such a thing ?

StayFr0sty · 25/04/2011 10:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bonsoir · 25/04/2011 10:28

I have made no such implication. You have a very dirty mind.

It is quite beyond me why anyone would let their little girls take bigger boys into their bedroom, and quite beyond me why anyone with boys would incite them to take little girls into their bedrooms. Put down firm and proper boundaries and nothing bad will happen.

Decorhate · 25/04/2011 10:30

Sardine, the boys in question are not the girls' brothers. Whole different situation imo.

Bonsoir · 25/04/2011 10:32

Quite, DecorHate. DD goes in and out of the DSSs' rooms quite freely. She is often to be found lounging around in bed with DSS2 watching a film on his iPad or reading Tintin to him, or practising fist boxing with DSS1. What is permitted between brothers and sisters is quite different to what is permitted between non-relatives.

Bonsoir · 25/04/2011 10:34

And emkana - you do realise that your DDs are quite capable of falling in love with boys and leading them on, don't you?

greenplastictrees · 25/04/2011 10:38

Capable of leading them on...at 9 and 7??? Or do you mean in the future?

giyadas · 25/04/2011 10:38

Her 7 year old is capable of leading boys on?
Really?
I know it's your mission to absolve all males of responsibility and wind up people in the process, but to air those kinds of views on a thread such as this is revolting.

Decorhate · 25/04/2011 10:39

And don't forget how physically mature some 9 yr old girls can be. Know one who is v tall & already has curves....

thefirstMrsDeVere · 25/04/2011 10:39

FFS not only are all our DPs suspect peados but our teenage DSs too!

Get a grip.

NOT directed at emkana.

Why the hell wouldnt you allow children to go off with older boys? I am disgusted that you imply that they are somehow predatory and dangerous Bonsoir.

greenplastictrees · 25/04/2011 10:40

Oh my goodness. i am shocked and stunned at some of the views expressed here which seem to show little respect for girls or boys. Do you honestly think that a 7 year old and 9 year old can 'lead on' older boys in a sexually provocative manner?

And what on earth has some 9 years olds being 'physically mature' got to do with it? Last time I checked the majority of the male population are capable of resisting jumping on anything with boobs!

thefirstMrsDeVere · 25/04/2011 10:41

Bonsoir is this some sort of 'in joke' that I am not aware of?

Are you referring to something that has happened that I dont know about?

These surely cannot just be your thoughts on teenagers and little girls?

Please tell me I have missed something.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 25/04/2011 10:42

emkana if I were you I would get this thing deleted. YOu have been invaded by some sort of weird cult.

greenplastictrees · 25/04/2011 10:43

thefirstmrsdevere I really hope it is an 'in joke' and maybe I've just made a fool of myself by getting to upset. Really am stunned.

Bonsoir · 25/04/2011 10:49

I am stunned at the naïvety (loosely dressed up as morality) on this thread. Get a grip people, and take proper care of your children.

Decorhate · 25/04/2011 10:51

Because a teenage boy won't necessarily think of the age in yrs of a young girl.... If she is as tall as him, looks the same age as girls in his year, etc.

Decorhate · 25/04/2011 10:52

I agree Bonsoir. And I have had a fairly sheltered life!

silverfrog · 25/04/2011 10:52

is it just teenagers who are a problem, Bonsoir, or all males over the age of - what? 10? 9?

my dss is regularly alone with my dds, and his younger cousins, and his girlfriend's younger siblings - he has so far managed to restrain himself Hmm and is a fantastic older brother/cousin/friend. he plays really well with children, and they all have a great time.

he is 20.

I honestly cannot believe some of the tripe you spout, tbh.

Newgolddream · 25/04/2011 10:53

bonsoir - I find your posts disturbing at best. You come across as very judgmental to about other peoples parenting. Why shouldnt children of opposite sexes play together, even in a bedroom. I have 3 DSs aged 3, 9 and 18 and Ive always let their friends, of both sexes into their rooms.

The only thing attitudes like yours wil ldo is make children grow up scared of the world - yes bad things can happen but parenting needs to be a careful balance between teaching children the dangers without naking them completely afraid - bad things dont happen to you know. As someone who works with people who have been abused I can tell you abuse happens outside of the bedroom and within the family to. It sounds like you see everyone as potential abusers - or are boys simply the victim of nasty girls out to ensare them with their bodies?? FFS mad.

"Put down firm and proper boundaries and nothing bad will happen." - absolute rubbish Im afraid, people have to learn the coping mechanisms to deal with "bad things" - whatever they may be or they will grow up into adults with no coping mechanisms and therefore make mental health problems more likely.

Newgolddream · 25/04/2011 10:56

Im with you silverfrog. Actually reading all this nonsense again about 7 year olds leading boys on its crystal clear that you have some rather strange and complex issues surrounding children, sexuality and relationships.

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