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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fuming and shaking, please hold my hand

149 replies

Saw444 · 24/04/2011 12:47

Will keep it short

Have namechanged as this will get me recognised

Dd (7) was playing with her little friends at the small park next to the house I can't see it from the window but if I walk to the side of the house I can talk to her without shouting it's that close

She ran in with her friend looking frightened a while ago and I asked what wad wrong, turns out that two teenagers had been playing on the bike ramp next to it started talking to the little ones then one of them had pulled down her shorts while the other filmed it

She said her pants "got stuck on her bum" so never came fully down

I ran out the house and seen the boys disappear beyond the park and recognised one of them as the older brother of one of dd,s school mates

He is at least 14

I have been to the door and demanded they get there boy home now and check his mobile, shouted a few things I prob should not have done then came home and dh has called the police who we are waiting on arriving

I am furious, a young child I could understand even though I would still have spoke to the parents but 14!!!!

Dd seems fine, we never made a big deal in front of her, told her she was a good girl for knowing to come in and tell me and she is now watching shrek eating a Easter egg

I don't know what else to do

OP posts:
lockets · 24/04/2011 23:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Feenie · 24/04/2011 23:01

Awww, bless 'em - they loved their ma though Hmm Hmm

beesimo · 24/04/2011 23:01

Sorry didn't get your dialect when you said bruvvers it is not a word we use was the the ones that loved their mummy a bit too much!

EllieG · 24/04/2011 23:02

Good response from police - so glad they are doing something. Sounds like horrendous family. So glad your DD has got you as a strong mum OP.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 24/04/2011 23:02

Too right - NO WAY are you in the wrong here.

Irrespective of sex, what 14 year old behaves in this manner to a 7 year old?

The SIL's actions may indicate that this is not the first time that this child has come to the attention of the authorities, and it can only be hoped that he gets the treatment he needs and mends his ways.

Stand tall - you've got right on your side and all the support you need here.

Goblinchild · 24/04/2011 23:04

Or the SIL may realise how shameful the boys' behaviour was and doesn't want it generally known. So she's trying to bully you into backing down. The police will no doubt have a word with her too. She's not helping the situation at all.
It sounds as if you are still handling the situation well, has your DD rationalised it yet and talked to you?

ZhenXiang · 24/04/2011 23:05

I would have done exactly the same, I hope the Police will hold them accountable for their actions and sort out their extended family too. When I was about seven a friends dad pulled down my undies in the middle of the street as we were running away from him (us kids were joking about). My mum went ballistic as soon as I told her and went over and confronted him. Was never traumatised or upset by it long term because I felt safe in the knowledge that my mum had protected me. Hopefully your DD will let it be a distant memory and go back to playing and having fun without having to worry about such things.

beesimo · 24/04/2011 23:09

Zhen Xiang

I am so pleased your Mam made you feel safe and protected as I think that is the most important thing a parent can do for a child.

hairfullofsnakes · 24/04/2011 23:09

Unbelievable that the family of the boy have had a go at you! They should be hanging their heads in shame at why those boys did. Please let us know what happens - they know they are in the wrong and all
They can do is shout and act like idiots.

Reindeerbollocks · 24/04/2011 23:18

Cannot believe the SIL of those boys is threatening you.

At least the matter is being dealt with properly and most importantly the video footage is safely with the police so they can make sure it gets deleted and they can prove what the boys did.

I hope the police have stern words with the SIL - your family have suffered enough today without being put under attack from the boys family.

I hope your DD is ok too.

FriedEggyAndSlippery · 24/04/2011 23:21

Fuck. How disgusting Angry

I just can't describe how angry I'd be if someone did that to my DD.

I am really glad the police have taken it seriously and got the phone. Well done for acting so quickly! And again for standing your ground with the nutty SIL.

What happened to the other DCs your DD was playing with? Are they ok? Do their parents know what happened and that it is blowing up like this?

Also - if you are that worried about being outed you need to get this thread moved...

HerBEggs · 24/04/2011 23:29

Something else has just occurred to me.

The SIL may be angry because she unconsciously suspects that one of the boys themselves is being abused and is acting out. This may well be the beginning of some dreadful skeletons coming out of her family's cupboards. You don't usually get to be a 14 year old who does this to a 7 year old, without something quite bad happening to you. Her reaction indicates that either she's a loon (perfectly possible, there's a lot of it about) or that she has a deep nagging terror which has been ignited by this incident and your absolutely correct response to it. (Correct for anyone not wedded to denial.)

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 24/04/2011 23:40

Given this boy's relationship to another pupil at your DD's school, it would be advisable to inform her Headteacher of this unfortunate event after the current holiday.

It's not always easy to strike a balance in these situation but you've behaved with admirable restraint, and I hope that your DD is unscathed by this unpleasant experience and continues to feel confident about playing out with her friends.

beesimo · 24/04/2011 23:54

OP

I am coming off this thread now I wish you and your family all the best and hope the situation resolves itself quickly.

GOB and her gang

We'll never agree you seem to think I am some sort of monster and I think you are very shan and pompous so I think the best thing is to agree to differ. I am glad you found me 'amusing' GOB it is interesting to see how sarcastic some people get when their not allowed to play at being the 'teacher'

Goblinchild · 25/04/2011 00:03
Confused You asked who is Kray bruvver and I told you. How is that gang behaviour or sham and pompous?
GotArt · 25/04/2011 00:20

Saw444 You are not that bad one in this situation. Just keep that in mind. Give your DD a hug again to and tell her how grand she is for coming to tell you immediately.

chipmonkey · 25/04/2011 00:36

OP, I read your OP out to ds1 and ds2 who are 14 and 12. They were both shocked at this 14 year old's behaviour and thought it was "sick". You did the right thing going to the police and don't let the family intimidate you either.

blackeyedsusan · 25/04/2011 00:45

glad the police are taking it seriously, do tell your dd's headteacher when they go back to school.

MadamDeathstare · 25/04/2011 02:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Saw444 · 25/04/2011 07:19

Beesimo- I know myself i am not weak and don't think other people will perceive me that way.

Dh and I both need to be enhanced disclosure checked for work and I will not allow either of us to be landed with criminal records over a family like this.

My daughter will hopefully grow up knowing that actions have long term serious consequences and not to just find the "hardest" person in your "pack"

Of course I feel like smacking someone but that would achieve nothing

Thank you again everyone for your replies

Dd still asleep but really seems fine:)

OP posts:
StewieGriffinsMom · 25/04/2011 08:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Inertia · 25/04/2011 09:26

Saw, glad to see that your DD is coping, and I agree with SGM that you've handled all this very wisely. It's an appalling thing for a teenager to do to a small child, and I think that most peers of the teenagers will be disgusted . As well as informing the head at both your children's schools, you might want to discuss appropriate strategies for your son in case people ask him about it.

heliumballoons · 25/04/2011 09:36

Thanks for the updates saw

I'm glad the police are taking it seriously and that you reported the SIL when she came around.

Sorry you had more trouble though. I agree you need to tell the school.

Best of luck.

ledkr · 25/04/2011 09:59

wtf was the sister in law angry about?What were you supposed to do?What would she have done if it was her child?Ignored it and hope it never happened again?People are odd,if it were my relative id be quietly supportive at home but publicly embarrased,i would want my ds reprimanded for this sort of thing to ensure he can move forward with his life and get no worse.
As others have said,dont put up with intimidation of any sort,good luck.

princessparty · 25/04/2011 11:18

'The police came across the boys on there way to my house'

so it sounds as though the boys must be 'known' to teh police already?