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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I the worst babysitter in the world?

122 replies

kisschase · 24/04/2011 12:46

My BF has three children all under 5 & is in the middle of a messy divorce, so to give her a break, I have been taking the children for her now atleast once a week, so she can run errands and go shopping etc.
As much as I love her, she is very strict about what they can and can't do & has very strict rules where they are concerned i.e. no fizzy drinks, only sugar-free squash on special occasions otherwise water only, everything has to be organic, no sweets or chocolate, I have to keep my cat in a separate room when they are here Confused, minimal TV - we have to do lots of crafty type things to encourage them to use their imaginations . . . the list goes on. I have learnt a lot of these going along, i.e "KC thanks for giving them lunch, but I'd rather you only fed them XYZ" or "I'd rather you didn't let them watch CBBebies for more than 20 minutes - do you think you could read to them instead?"
So, to the point of this thread, I had them yesterday so she could go shopping & have a mani pedi. The kids were happily running in and out of the house, playing in the garden (all supervised and covered in sunblock, hats etc) and when she arrived to pick them up, they were all sitting on the sofa, eating ice lollies (that I had made with the "authorised" sugar-free squash) & watching a Carry On film with my DP. It was the one with Jim Dale coming down the stairs on a trolley and because all 3 had been giggling at that bit and asking for it to be re-wound, we had left it on. To be fair they weren't paying it a lot of attention and were more interested in looking at my DP's fish tank.
Anyway, when we were waving goodbye, she opened the drivers window, called me over and said "Thanks again for having them for me, but I'd appreciate it if you didn't let them watch adult films like that again, I really don't think it's appropriate"

I do find all the rules I have to stick to exhausting and it's almost like the list is never ending - everytime I see them, something else is added that I have done wrong. DP thinks she's being ultra precious and I am being too nice but was I wrong in this case? Are Carry On films "adult films"??

Sorry for the ramble and thank you for getting this far!

OP posts:
Jemma1111 · 24/04/2011 12:52

Some friend she is! Confused

How dare she palm her kids off on you and then have the audacity to not like the way you look after them!

I'm afraid she is one cheeky bitch and she should be grateful that you are helping her out.
I honestly wouldn't bother with her if I were you!

Shakirasma · 24/04/2011 12:53

Agree with jemma!!

MrsPW · 24/04/2011 12:54

Also nodding in agreement with Jemma.
You sound like a lovely friend x

somethingwillturnup · 24/04/2011 12:54

Sorry, but if I'm doing someone a favour in watching their kids, it's my way or no way.

I don't stick them in front of the tv, or feed them fruit shoots and sausage rolls and if they have any allergies/dislikes I won't force them, but she's taking the piss.

I'm with Jemma1111 - I wouldn't bother. It's more hassle than it's worth.

Goblinchild · 24/04/2011 12:55

Carry on films are sexist claptrap, but she is a PITA and I'd stop pandering to her every whim and wish. It's spoiling your day and making you fret, for little real thanks or appreciation.

purplepidjin · 24/04/2011 12:55

FFS, you're doing her a favour, you don't seem to have kids of your own, and she's that critical of it??? I'm pretty sure it won't hurt her kids to have a "fun" aunty and uncle who let them have treats, especially the kind of fun aunty and uncle that supervise them and remember the important stuff like sunblock!!!

For the record, I wouldn't keep my animals in a different room to a mate's kids unless they had severe allergies. In which case, I doubt they'd be in my house!

colditz · 24/04/2011 12:56

You're too nice, I'd tell her to go fuck herself.

cantspel · 24/04/2011 12:56

tell her to look after her own kids cheeky cow.

GandTiceandaslice · 24/04/2011 12:57

No wonder she's getting divorced Wink
I hate Carry On films though so maybe she had a point Wink
Anyway, when are you free to mind my kids so I can swan off

Goblinchild · 24/04/2011 12:58

She needs a nanny. That she is paying an exorbitant amount to tend to her little darlings.

RitaMorgan · 24/04/2011 12:59

If someone babysits DS out of the goodness of their hearts, then all I expect is that he's kept safe, warm, fed and watered - I would never dictate the details!

ivykaty44 · 24/04/2011 13:00

I think you need to say to your bf, look I love having dc over they are really lovely dc (omit saying your dc as they don't belong to her) they are so funny, loving etc. I really do find all your rules very hard going, if there was just one or two rules it would be fine but there is a whole list of rules, do they really need all of the rules? You are doing a great job bringing the dc up on your own and they are lovely dc.

Then leave it and possibly she may think on it.

Possibly she feels like she is in control by having all these rules, she split form her dh which was beyond her control and possibly having all the ruels gives her a comfort, control, sense of order - I don't know

Bit of a shit sarnie but getting the point over that there are so many rules

worraliberty · 24/04/2011 13:00

She sounds like a control freak

Wait til the kids taste the freedom of school and school friend's houses.

What exactly does she think she's going to gain from all this?

heliumballoons · 24/04/2011 13:00

I have 'rules' for DS.

When he's at others houses it's their rules he follows.

Me no likey (the rules) he no goey.

End of.

You sound like a great friend and I have a DS who loves cbeebies, gardens and just being 6 if you like babysitting!

2littlegreenmonkeys · 24/04/2011 13:01

She is being precious and not at all very appreciative of your kindness. You sound very, very nice. I would have told her to get over herself TBH. As long as there are no allergies to consider WRT food then what is her problem.

If someone offered to have my two DD's so I could have some 'me' time or get some chores done I would not only be extremely thankful to you but would buy you wine, chocolate and flowers. You could also feed them whatever you want and let them watch pretty much anything.
BTW I grew up watching carry on films, nowt wrong with them, and I am only slightly crazed in the head now Wink

stream · 24/04/2011 13:03

She's taking the piss.

Carry On films aren't adult films.

tstar · 24/04/2011 13:03

She should be counting her lucky stars for having someone to sit her kids, not bitchin about stuff, I can't belive it. You should say you are needed else where, to get out of this one.

Icelollycraving · 24/04/2011 13:03

She is being unreasonable!! She is v lucky to have someone to mind her dc whilst she has a manipedi!

MmaIvvy · 24/04/2011 13:04

Sounds like she is having a lot of 'me' time and you are a great friend having them every week.
Some things are reasonable I think, like no fizzy drinks or loads of sweets, (carry on films can be a bit 'saucy' but tbh it would probably go straight over little kids heads and they would just like the slapstick).
Really though, she should just be grateful and let you get on with it - it's not like anything dangerous is happening. I would tell her 'sorry but I don't feel like I can look after the children the way you would want me to so perhaps you would be more comfortable if I didn't anymore as I wouldn't want to keep comprimising your values' She might realise she is being a fussymare then and do a u-turn on the rules just to keep you.

HavePatience · 24/04/2011 13:07

She isn't being nice to you.

It's probably because of what ivykaty explained, But that'sno excuse to treat you like that.

I think you should not offer again.

WhereYouLeftIt · 24/04/2011 13:09

It's possible that she is being so controlling because so much of her life is outside her control (the divorce) ...

BUT

you are doing her a massive favour (going for a mani pedi ffs Hmm)

It is normal when your children are at someone else's house that they follow that someone else's rules - allergies being an exception.

I think you need to tell her that when her children are in your house they will follow your rules. She either trusts you or she doesn't.

She is being very rude to you, especially since she has never given you all her wants upfront but dripfeeds the so that you always feel in the wrong. She IBU.

TeddyMcardle · 24/04/2011 13:09

I can't believe her cheek when it's you doing her a favour! Shock

LiegeAndLief · 24/04/2011 13:09

The thing that really struck me out of your op was you "have to do lots of crafty type things to encourage them to use their imaginations"! Seriously?! That's the kind of thing people expect from a nursery, where people are paid to encourage your dc to use their imaginations, surely not when your friend is looking after your dc for free out of the kindness of her heart.

The tv and food I can just about understand her being precious over, but still think it's completely unreasonable to actually make those demands.

You are clearly the best babysitter in the world as you haven't told her to sod off yet.

BornToYolk · 24/04/2011 13:10

No, you sound like a great babysitter! 3 kids under 5 on a regular basis? For free? She should be bloody grateful and showering you with thanks and gifts, not moaning about the details.

I'd let my 3 year old watch a Carry On film in the circumstances you describe i.e. I wouldn't sit him in front of it while I was doing other things, like I feel I can do with Cbeebies, but I'd watch it with him and turn it off it it got too adult (I'm thinking of Barbara Windsor's bikini top flying off! Grin)

colditz · 24/04/2011 13:11

next time she asks you to babysit, say "To be honest, I don't want to. Every time I look after your children, I seem to do it wrong. I wouldn't want to damage your children in any way, but on the other hand, I cannot possibly remember all the rules you seem to have, so I think it's less risky if I just don't look after them any more."

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