Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

in wanting to preserve my toddler's dignity?

111 replies

LifeIsButtercream · 23/04/2011 18:49

Or am I being really PFB?

I can't help but want to put myself in DD's shoes, even though she is only 2!

I was with some of my family recently, we were in their lounge (my uncle, aunt, assorted cousins and my parents) and DD needed a nappy change. I gathered her up and the changing bag and started to head out to the bathroom, aunt said "Oh don't worry, just change her here" - indicating to the carpet in the middle of the room. I said it's ok, thanks, I'll take her to the loo for some privacy, aunt scoffed and said "a toddler doesn't need privacy!"

AIBU in wanting DD to have a little privacy when she is being changed? I'd definately not like to strip off in front of my family!

On a similar note, I don't allow pictures of DD to be taken in the bath, if anything is 'on view' or not concealed by bubbles or toys, and I didn't allow anyone to photograph her naked as a newborn (regardless of how cute and dimpled newborns bottoms are!).

Obviously as DD gets older there might be a few pulling-clothes-off, or emergency-potty-stops-in-public-view incidents, but I'm starting to wonder if IABU (or on the verge of giving DD a complex) in trying to maintain some privacy/dignity for DD and avoiding her having to flash anyone, despite the fact she is only very little and as yet does not have any body 'awareness' of her body and what bits are private.

And I definately won't be posting pictures of DD stark naked 'potty training' like a few of my FB friends have done with their bubs.

AIBU or a PFB prude?

OP posts:

peeriebear · 23/04/2011 21:35

I have a lovely photo of me and my Dad in the garden when I was 2- I'm wearing naught but a pair of red wellies and my dad, resplendent in huge sidies and quiff with a crease down his jeans, is showing me a flower. never occurs to me to be offended!

salingerreference · 23/04/2011 21:38

YANBU. I like my DD to have her dignity too, and she's just a baby.

Your aunt is wrong to question your choice on this one. What's it got to do with her anyway?

tralalala · 23/04/2011 21:52

yabu - how very weird to either think that have a nappy changed is undignified for a toddler.

littleducks · 23/04/2011 21:58

I think the OP is perfectly normal and sensible!

I never understand why people would want to change a nappy in a living room over a bathroom where they can wash their hands without touching doorhandles etc.

Kids can run around in summer in minimal clothing and enjoy it just as muchj as naked. In fact dd had a sundress on to play in the garden today and I had to drag her indoors asap as she went pink, despite wearing sunscreen. So i would suggest cool, cotton, loose coverup clothing as the best bet in warm weather.

SugarSkyHigh · 23/04/2011 22:02

YANBU - ignore aunt.

ok she's only 2 - but she is a person who relies on you to keep her safe and respected -

YANBU

ivykaty44 · 23/04/2011 22:10

If you want to change your toddlers nappy in another room that is fine - tbh I would rather sometimes more people do this.

if you don's want photogarpahs taken with any bare parts in the photograph that's your choice - fine.

I isn't my choice and there are a few photos of both my dd's with bare bodies in the garden in summer and as long as you don't tell me not to - then I am not going to mind.

So no YANBU

sprinkles77 · 23/04/2011 22:16

it's not so much the aunt questioning your dd's need for privacy. More the fact that she questioned your child rearing philosophy. FFS, why do people always want to tell us how to bring our kids up?

FWIW, I agree, DD relies on you to keep her safe and respected.

TabithaTwitchet · 23/04/2011 22:17

I don't think the OP is unreasonable at all. But I would say from a personal dignity point of view, having your nappy changed is very different from running round in the garden naked.

I do think dignity is important even for a small baby - but not because of nakedness. It's not undignified to be naked, it is undignified and unnecessary to have the unpleasantly-smelling contents of your nappy exposed in front of an audience.

I'm perfectly happy, as an adult, to get changed in front of my friend when we go swimming together, for example. That doesn't mean I want her to observe me on the toilet, even with clothes on!

DD spilled a whole bottle of juice over herself the other day while we were out, necessitating a big wipe down and clean trousers and pants. I just changed her where we were. But if she had wet herself instead I would have probably taken her into a public toilet to change, for dignity's sake.

exoticfruits · 23/04/2011 22:31

I don't think that you have to teach dignity-it comes naturally.

megapixels · 23/04/2011 22:32

YANBU. I don't like seeing nappies being changed right in the middle of a group of people interacting (mainly because of the smell, since I can at least look away) so I don't do that either. I know people who even do that when people around are eating! Bleurgh.

I don't take any pics of my children without clothes too, they usually grow up to hate it anyway so what's the point? Why needlessly embarrass them? There was one of my sister as a baby (around a year or possibly less) and she hated it for years before finally tearing it up.

proudfoot · 24/04/2011 08:36

YANBU.

I think your aunt is strange for suggesting that toilet activities should be sorted out in the middle of a crowded room. Surely it is more comfortable and hygenic for everyone if you change your DC elsewhere in private.

seeker · 24/04/2011 08:47

I wouldnt change a nappy in the middle of a living room - but that's for the protection of the other people in the room, not the baby!

But I do think that we have to be very careful that we're not teaching our chidren that bodies are soemthing to be ashamed of - sentences like this "Better them to have some modesty than be happy running around half naked infront of people." sets alarm bells ringing if the children concerned are under about 5, and it is their choice to be naked. I had one streaker and one clothes wearer. It was the children's choice and that was fine. Ds is 10 and still likes to wander round with no clothes on at home!

Romilly70 · 24/04/2011 08:59

YANBU. Other people have different opinions, but if you wish to preserve DD's dignity, that is your right as her mother. She will make her own choices when she is old enough.

I don't post naked pics of my DS (6mths) on facebook, and i take him to another room to change him, because although he is small, he is still a little person.

Yes, maybe i am PFB too, but it's my choice as much as is it other mums choice not to be....

exoticfruits · 24/04/2011 09:01

I don't take any pics of my children without clothes too, they usually grow up to hate it anyway so what's the point? Why needlessly embarrass them?

Why do people always assume that all DCs are the same? I have some lovely photos-no one is embarrassed-then or now.

HRHMJOFMAGICJAMALAND · 24/04/2011 09:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

boilanegg · 24/04/2011 09:14

I would usually change a toddler elsewhere. It's not like a newborn with a soggy nappy.

BUT

I think the tone of your OP is a bit OTT. You can easily and gently explain to a naked toddler that it's polite to wear clothes but they will learn that lesson themselves when they realise people in the street are wearing more than a tutu and wellies.

In short it sounds like you are going to enforce dignity rather than maintain it, and that sends a strong message that there's something to hide. I remember vividly staying at a friends house aged 7 and we were both in the bathroom getting ready for bed. Her mum came in and told me off, saying little girls shouldn't be in the bathroom together. I felt like I'd done something very wrong - which of course was rubbish.

boilanegg · 24/04/2011 09:14

enforce privacy, sorry

Bucharest · 24/04/2011 09:19

Toddler nappies are repulsive, so the Aunt was being U to want it changed in front of her!

However, I do agree with others,that while you are not being PFB,no, you are setting yourself up for a lot of paranoia and worry later if you are so hung up on bare bums while your child is still a toddler. I think you just need to relax about it.

Preserving their dignity does seem to come naturally, at the right age anyway in most cases. Dd (7.5)has suddenly come over all coy if dp walks into the room while she's changing. No big deal, just part of realising boy-people are different (and like smelly insects and monsters )

exoticfruits · 24/04/2011 09:27

I think it is much better for the DC to let it come naturally to cover up. At 2 yrs old they don't have dignity-my photos are lovely and innocent- which they can tell looking back on them. DS might think it funny to see a photo of himself starkers except for my hat, but it is hardly something to be embarrassed about or tear up.
I think your Aunt just thought she was being helpful.

Morloth · 24/04/2011 09:51

Clothes are very much optional in our house, and I have stacks of naked photos, they are just so sweet and perfect. However I always change nappies in a bathroom or at the very least another room because poo and wee are a bit yuck. Also having boys I could not guarantee that people would not get wee'd at.

Never felt embarrassed about the photos Mum has of me naked and given we used to run around in public totally naked until about 8ish I can't ever imagine feeling ashamed about it.

Sassybeast · 24/04/2011 10:35

YANBU or weird or bizarre or any of the other narky insults that have been flung at you.

megapixels · 24/04/2011 18:37

exoticfruits - That's why I said "usually" and not "always", IME at least it has been that way, and several posters have said the same of themselves.

exoticfruits · 24/04/2011 18:57

I wouldn't avoid taking pictures in case they didn't like it later. If they don't like them later don't show them! Sad if they would have liked them and you haven't got any. I don't see how you can second guess what they will think later. In the same family you might have one that likes it and one that doesn't.

exoticfruits · 24/04/2011 18:58

You have to be a bit sensitive when they have 'found their dignity' not at 2 yrs when they haven't got any.

nzshar · 24/04/2011 19:01

My response to the ops aunt would have been more about not wanting to subject people to the smell of a nappy change the privacy thing for a 2 year old is weird IMO

Flip

1 2 3 4 5