in wanting to preserve my toddler's dignity?

[LifeIsButtercream]

Or am I being really PFB?

I can't help but want to put myself in DD's shoes, even though she is only 2!

I was with some of my family recently, we were in their lounge (my uncle, aunt, assorted cousins and my parents) and DD needed a nappy change. I gathered her up and the changing bag and started to head out to the bathroom, aunt said "Oh don't worry, just change her here" - indicating to the carpet in the middle of the room. I said it's ok, thanks, I'll take her to the loo for some privacy, aunt scoffed and said "a toddler doesn't need privacy!"

AIBU in wanting DD to have a little privacy when she is being changed? I'd definately not like to strip off in front of my family!

On a similar note, I don't allow pictures of DD to be taken in the bath, if anything is 'on view' or not concealed by bubbles or toys, and I didn't allow anyone to photograph her naked as a newborn (regardless of how cute and dimpled newborns bottoms are!).

Obviously as DD gets older there might be a few pulling-clothes-off, or emergency-potty-stops-in-public-view incidents, but I'm starting to wonder if IABU (or on the verge of giving DD a complex) in trying to maintain some privacy/dignity for DD and avoiding her having to flash anyone, despite the fact she is only very little and as yet does not have any body 'awareness' of her body and what bits are private.

And I definately won't be posting pictures of DD stark naked 'potty training' like a few of my FB friends have done with their bubs.

AIBU or a PFB prude?

Never explain, never apologise, just take your daughter out and change her where you want to. I don't understand the angst?

OP, why on earth would it matter how overlooked your garden is?? What exactly is it you're worried about?

I'm with you on not changing a nappy in the middle of an audience, for everyone's sake!
But please dont ruin your children's summers by chasing then around with a pair of pants!

I would agree with LyingWitch-I never understand why people feel the need to explain and justify-by the time you have finished talking about it you could have changed the nappy!

Yes, why did you say this to your aunt? Why you didn't say 'oh its ok i'll go to the other room'?

I was in my friends garden today with her dds 5,7 and 12 and her neighbour (boy) 12 and my DS 6. The younger ones would stip wet clothes and put on dry without batting an eyelid.

Actually the 12yo girl and I were having some rough and tumble in the pool dunking etc and when I dunked her she reached and out grabbed. By accident she got my top and when she surfaced she had an eye full of my boob. Neither of us were bothered and I had a good laugh telling her hers would look lke that after children!! (she is already developed)

I really think you have to give children the tools to know whats acceptable with reference to genatalia (eg only they touch) but not make it out its wrong.

i've got 3 kids, and none of them are remotely interested in being naked in public (or indeed at home), so i really don't understand the attitude that it's bizarre if they don't.

none of them, or me, have issues with nakedness as some posters here imply. there are often 5 of us wandering around before or after showers naked or half dressed. but during the day, or in the garden, or in restaurants or soft play, we wear clothes. i really don't see why that should be a problem.

I agree with those who have said YANBU and have said that they found 'naked childhood' pictures embarrassing.

I can remember being in the bath with my brother (which I also hated - I was about four and he about six, I think) and our dad barging in with the camera and taking a picture. I suppose 'covered by bubbles' wouldn't be so bad but we're both kneeling up and flashing bits very obviously. There's also one of me completely naked on a beach aged about 3 with bits on show. I really, really don't like them. To be honest, I feel in some way that - well, I was obviously very trusting and standing there taking a picture sniggering/to laugh at later feels in some way as if it is abusing that trust, I am sorry if that offends but it's how I feel.

Not to mention they end up plastered on Facebook these days!

Sorry gone off topic.

Weird.

Not all children are the same, my dd2 had a very well developed sense of privacy about going to the toilet from, well, since she first sat on the toilet. She used to shout 'shut door, shut door' and wouldn't allow me in at all. She has always been like this, I can only imagine it's an intrinsic thing, perhaps about the smell, as the rest of us all did what we liked and had the door open all the time. So, I would not worry about nappy changing in front of others, but as soon as my dd2 indicated she wanted some privacy, she had it (aged about 2 1/2 upwards).

FFS!! taking pics of your own kids in the scud is "abusive" now?. I dont take them to embaress/snigger/ridicule my dcs later in life!! and I certainly wouldnt post them on social network sites(naked or not). My issue with the op is that she clearly feels that her dd being naked is in some way wrong and imo that is giving her dd a bad complex at a very young age.

I felt it was an abuse of my trust, that's different to it being abusive per se.

Of course snapping your kids in the bath or running round on the lawn naked isn't abusive but I don't feel comfortable with it. I don't understand why people do it - sorry - I just really don't get it!

Onetoomanycornettos (haha love the username!) I think I am like your dd2, maybe not at two but I remember feeling self conscious about being naked in front of people quite early. Maybe at 4 or 5.

"i should add, i'm not remotely a prude, don't have any body hang ups, walk around naked at home in front of kids etc..."

You want to preserve your toddlers dignity, but don't respect their possible wish for boundaries?

Odd.

My dd is 1, she loves being naked and regularly crawls around the house naked. I don't have a problem changing her in front of people either but I hate naked pictures. It's a personal thing. I don't know why i just don't like them and don't allow them.

crashingwaves- 'taking picture sniggering/to laugh at later'- really? Are you sure that that was you father's attitude? If so, then it was very wrong.Very odd, though. I can see that the photo can be funny in a cute way, but to 'snigger'?

But I had naked pics taken as a child and no one ever sniggered or laughed in a malicious way

I found both of my dcs very cute, naked ot not and so they have pics dressed and undressed- sort of whenever it happened iyswim.

Thanks for the responses everyone - I'm learning I'm learning!

Yeah, if DD wanted to run around starkers, I don't think I'd have a problem with it, and maybe I was being a bit precious, I haven't done this before (i.e. raising a child) and it's nice to get a few pointers, and to be put in my place if I'm being excessive!

I'm gonna carry on changing nappies etc in private, and DD doesn't seem to have any concept of privacy - the other day I was in a public loo with her, I was on the loo and she went and unlocked the cubicle door and pushed it open (door swung outwards) - and to make it better it was out of my reach to pull it closed, and it was busy in there! [bublush]

I can see that :) I don't think he took them maliciously exactly but my dad has a very 'biting' sense of humour that can upset me a bit even now and really knocked my confidence as a child (sort of 'mum has gone out' 'OHHH really well IT TAKES SOMETHING TO GET PAST YOU!') in heavy sarcastic tones. really pisses me off actually, lol.

I did feel as if it was an example of bullying in a way, I'm so sorry to say that as I don't want to offend people but that's how it felt.

Also just to add I think I have a couple of a naked DS as a baby where he's lying on his tummy and you can (just) see a bit of bottom - bottoms don't bother me much really but I think ones where you can see a willy or little girl parts are a bit much. x

OP In my opinion, no, you're not being at all unreasonable.

To posters who wonder why it matters whether your garden is overlooked or not, I think you are being naive. At least several times a year someone is reported in my local weekly paper for doing something to underage children and I live near a smallish town in a rural area. I can think of two instances which were reported in the last few weeks. Some time ago one report was of someone on a local beach taking photos of small children with little or no clothes on iirc. That person wasn't doing it innocently. It is unpleasant but it happens. I'd rather be aware of those risks and consider whether it is safe and appropriate, just as the OP seems to me to be doing.

Lol buttercream - bless her! My own DS hated doing poos and we'd say "Oh WELL DONE for doing a poo!" when potty training and then one day in Tesco I er needed to squeeze out a little one and DS said loudly "Oh well done Mummy you have done a poo!" Cringe! x

toddlers don't have any dignity. They shit and pee where they like, pick their noses and eat it, burp and fart at will and say the most inappropriate things. Get a grip.

YANBU. Plain good manners not to change a little 'un in front of others when there's somewhere private to go. I can't imagine why anyone would think that was acceptable, and you need to wash your hands afterwards anyway. Weird. Lack of self-respect, modesty and dignity and can cause of a lot of problems and the sooner children have these qualities instilled in them the better. Our DDs are 7&9. Nappies were always changed in private to spare others as much as anything. At the toddler stage a bit of nude back garden paddling was fine. Now the code is that nude is fine when it's just the four of us, bombing about getting ready or at bathtime etc. Otherwise, because they are special, precious and lovely young ladies, they don't show themselves to just anybody, drift in an out half dressed when we've got company in at their bedtime etc. The girls get it totally, can't remember when I had to even mention it to them. We took this further with their big stepsisters as they got older re the issue of boys - that they were the special apples right at the top of the tree, not the easy-to-pick-up windfalls. They turned out great, both happily married. Needless to say the grandchildren are taken to the bathroom to be changed . Have confidence in yourself and do as you believe right next time you come across this sort of well meant but misguided attitude.

I will change DS2's nappy (17mths) in front of friends with children, my mum, most of my family as I know they've seen it all before and I know they'd do the same especially in each others' houses.

If it was someone I didn't know well or were a bit inclined to vom over a pooey nappy then I would pop out the room.

I was probably a bit more reserved when DS1 was baby- I remember hating changing his nappy in front of folks as it made me nervous and flustered (new mum- am I doing it properly, DS is screaming typr embarassment).

I don't think YABU - perhaps I am weird too! Not so much re the dignity, but that some things should be private.

YANBU about the nappy changing. I always preferred to change DS in a toilet for hygiene reasons although when he was a small baby sometimes a quick nappy change in front of friends - following their lead if in their home. Once changes were standing up (I think 18 months or earlier) and he started to show more interest in training it seemed sensible to encourage it and always go to the toilet.

I think it is important to follow your child's lead with what they find comfortable and at the same time gradually introduce the boundaries that will enable them to understand what is socially acceptable. Same with nose picking, table manners etc. It's easier to do these things gradually than suddenly expect children to change their behaviour overnight.

We are quite relaxed about nudity at home and bathroom door is generally open unless there are visitors. I think he saw toileting as a communal activity when he started potty training (he tends to ask me if I need to go when he is going himself "you need a poo too mummy?") but now he is starting to suggest he goes by himself and is less keen on an audience every time.

At 2 yrs 10 months he seems to be understanding that there is a time and a place for being naked. Rather than it just being normal he finds getting naked funny. He will strip off in bedroom/bathroom and stand legs akimbo with arms outstretched and announce "I'm NAKED!" and giggle. When he was reluctant to get dressed one day I told him he would have a silly chilly willy (he finds the rhyming v funny) unless he got his pants and trousers on. That has naturally progressed to understanding that silly chilly willies are fine in bedroom and bathroom but not elsewhere and certainly not at nursery or in the street.

I don't have a problem if he wants to strip off in the garden but it would have to get pretty warm before I think he would want to (and then I'd be worried about getting enough sun cream on him). I'm probably more relaxed than the OP about nude photos but we don't have many of those in the last 6 months and I expect we will have fewer from now on too.

OP I am exactly the same as you, I don't think there is anything wrong with this attitude at all.
Maybe toddlers do not automatically have a sense of dignity and privacy, but that is something they should be taught as it will benefit them as they grow up. Better them to have some modesty than be happy running around half naked infront of people.
It doesn't teach them to feel shameful, modesty is part of self respect and they should have the confidence to grow up knowing their body is private and not public property.
I don't understand why so many people seem to think this is something the op needs to "get over" or change her attitude about??? Then again I have been flamed on here before for not agreeing with infants school kids made to do PE in their vest and pants, so I guess many people just have different standards.
But OP i wouldn't worry, if this is what you feel best for your dc then stick to it, there's really nothing wrong with your attitude

I would change my DC's in a separate room due to smell but in good weather my little ones play naked to keep them cool.

YABU to think that little ones would need to have their dignity maintained but it's a self admitted PFB case, so it's ok :)