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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel friend has taken advantage ?

93 replies

ikilledBosco · 23/04/2011 16:15

My sister & i have organised & paid for a family members birthday meal (26) people in a fancy restaurant . My BF was invited along but i explained that her meal would be paid for & we (Sis & I) would be buying the first round of drinks for everyone at the start of the meal and after that she would have to buy her own drinks , (i know this sounds terrible but said friend has form of forgetting her purse on such events in the past , almost every time leaving my DH to buy all her drinks for the evening ) Anyway the meal was lovely but once again my friend kept ordering drinks (vodka & Coke which she just decided to start drinking on the day for a change she normally drinks Lager ) and asking for them to be put on the bill ( there was 5 Vodkas put on the bill by the end of the evening) . My Sister gave me a couple of Hmm looks but i didn't want to ruin the evening by pulling my friend up in front of the other guests . Should i have said something ? TIA

OP posts:
mycatoscar · 23/04/2011 16:17

did everyone else put drinks on the bill?

Eglu · 23/04/2011 16:17

Yes you should have said something. She is taking the piss and relying on you being polite which you were.

FabbyChic · 23/04/2011 16:18

You should have told her they would have to go on a seperate bill, she took the piss, you know she took it and she knows she did, but she knows you won't say anything because you are too nice.

Dont even invite her next time. She is a leach.

CadleCrap · 23/04/2011 16:18

When the bill arrived did you say "xx owes for 5 Vodkas?" or did you just pay it?

GypsyMoth · 23/04/2011 16:20

so they went on the bill...did she give you the money for them at the end?

PurpleLostPrincess · 23/04/2011 16:22

I would text her and say that she forgot to pay her bill and that it's £xxx, would it be easier to pay you cash when you next see each other, or maybe sent it by paypal? See what she says then... What a piss-take!

TragicallyHip · 23/04/2011 16:23

So you just paid it?

I would have asked her for the money and told the waiter that no drinks are to be put on the bill!

As Fabby said don't invite her next time.

ExitPursuedByALamb · 23/04/2011 16:24

You should have spoken to the restaurant. At a family event recently we were asked what we wanted to drink on arrival, then two bottles of wine were served with the meal. My DH was driving and ordered a coke, and the waiter brough it to him and said "That will be £1.50 sir". The hosts' son looked slightly discomfited, but DH paid up and at least they had control of the cost.

Original poster
ikilledBosco · 23/04/2011 16:24

Everyone else ordered their drinks separately , except for the first round of drinks that sister & i agreed to buy to toast my mum on her birthday .

Sis & i paid for her drinks when paying the bill although i did offer my sister the money for my friends drinks but she wouldn't take it , just made a comment the BF was taking the piss .

OP posts:
TragicallyHip · 23/04/2011 16:26

Why the fuck should you have to pay for her drinks? She got a free meal fgs!

She doesn't sound like a pleasant person tbh.

moondog · 23/04/2011 16:27

More fool you for paying.
You should have drawn her attention to the bill when paying and said

'Your share is xxxx'

Nowt wrong with that.

Some friend. Hmm

Original poster
ikilledBosco · 23/04/2011 16:27

She is lovely in every other way .

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 23/04/2011 16:27

Your friend is a skiving leach.

More fool you for putting up with it.

JaxTellersOldLady · 23/04/2011 16:31

no, she cant be lovely in every other way. Friends do take the piss like that!

Call her and say what purple said.

But actually you should have said something at the time. "Oh ... your drinks came to XXX amount"

Original poster
ikilledBosco · 23/04/2011 16:32

I was hoping she wouldn't do it this time seeing as i had spoken to her about how we would pay for meal & she would have to pay for her own drinks to which she was in full agreement to btw . I even mentioned it again the day before the meal to remind her Blush

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 23/04/2011 16:33

she is taking advantage becasue you let her

did you not even say anything?????

i'd have just said "oh your drinks come to £x" and seen what she said. then chased it up afterwards if she claimed to have no money on her.

just... just.... gah! you can't moan about it if you LET her do it and just paid without saying anything

TidyDancer · 23/04/2011 16:34

Say something now. She is a leach.

upahill · 23/04/2011 16:34

I would definatly sent a text saying something like ' Oh I need to get £15 (or whatever) from you. Can I catch up with you on Tues (or whatever day is best of course) to get it .

Any questions from her you just mention that your sister has had to pay for the drinks and it needs settling. It doesn't have to be a dramatic fall out.

(then after that I would keep my distance as she seems too much of a freeloader for my liking!)

Sarsaparilllla · 23/04/2011 16:35

She was taking the piss, you shouldn't have paid it, I'd have said, oh it's £x for your drinks and smiled until she paid up, cheeky cow

TragicallyHip · 23/04/2011 16:36

She is taking the piss because she can and you have let her, presumably a few times.

She will keep doing until you pull her up on it.

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 23/04/2011 16:38

She relied on you not having the balls to confront her. She was right, wasn't she? People like that take the piss because they know they can get away with it.

I would disagree that someone who was happy to take financial advantage of others was in any way a nice person, but she does it because you let her.

She doesn't care about using you but you don't want to embarrass her? Perhaps embarrassment is what she needs? Why are you trying to protect her from the consequences of her actions when she doesn't give a crap about how she's treating you? I can't believe you want to let her get away with this because you don't want to cause her embarrassment! She DESERVES embarrassment!

thisisyesterday · 23/04/2011 16:39

ditto upahill

send a text NOW and ask her for her drinks money

Original poster
ikilledBosco · 23/04/2011 16:40

No i accept it was my fault for not saying anything to her at the time about the drinks , i did however speak up when she tried to order dessert after i had just explained (she sat beside me at the meal ) that it was only a 3 course meal because we had bought a big birthday cake that was going to be served as dessert but straight after i said this she called the waiter and asked him to bring her Pavlova Shock but thankfully the waiter looked at me & once again i said xxx the cake is being used as dessert .

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 23/04/2011 16:48

Op, she neither a nice person nor much of a friend.

She is a skiving, freeloading, piss taking chancer.

Wake up.

TragicallyHip · 23/04/2011 16:50

Nope sorry I don't believe she is a nice person.