AIBU to feel friend has taken advantage ?

[ikilledBosco]

My sister & i have organised & paid for a family members birthday meal (26) people in a fancy restaurant . My BF was invited along but i explained that her meal would be paid for & we (Sis & I) would be buying the first round of drinks for everyone at the start of the meal and after that she would have to buy her own drinks , (i know this sounds terrible but said friend has form of forgetting her purse on such events in the past , almost every time leaving my DH to buy all her drinks for the evening ) Anyway the meal was lovely but once again my friend kept ordering drinks (vodka & Coke which she just decided to start drinking on the day for a change she normally drinks Lager ) and asking for them to be put on the bill ( there was 5 Vodkas put on the bill by the end of the evening) . My Sister gave me a couple of looks but i didn't want to ruin the evening by pulling my friend up in front of the other guests . Should i have said something ? TIA

Well i agree OP - you will resent this for a long time to come if she doesn't settle the bill with you. A text should be quite easy as it is non-confrontational. Let us know how you get on. Why should she have all drinks paid for and no one else?

Goodluck

The 'just sorting out the bill' idea is perfect. Much better than dealing with someone pissed and in front of everyone.
Go on. Otherwise you will never forgive yourself.

Go for it - send that text this morning and let us know what she says.

If she kicks off, stop thinking of her as a friend.

Go on, I dare you

After the first "scene", you should not have invited her out again. AS it is, she's conditioned you to let her do as she wishes.

OP, do you have, or have you ever had, a toddler?

What sort of a hold does she have over you that you were so terrified she'd create a scene? I can understand that you wouldn't want to do anything to cause a scene at your Mum's birthday party but presumably she's well known in your social circle for her habit of freeloading? So the only person who'd look stupid in causing a scene would be her - and perhaps everyone else would have applauded you for giving her her comeuppance?

Unless you've told her your darkest, deepest secret - or something like that - and you're scared she'd spill the beans?

Anyway whether you get your - or, rather, your sister's - money back or not, I'd give her a wide berth from now on, and certainly not invite/see her anywhere where she's expected to contribute.

Don't worry it's a lesson learned . I know what she is like while out with my group of friends/DH but this was the first occasion where i had made a point of explaining to her how the meal would be going - ie we pay for the meal & first drink i really thought she would not do her usual stunt TBH .
As for my sister i am taking her out to lunch on Wednesday (my treat) to make up for my friends behaviour . I am not going to invite her along to any more events as it's not fair on everyone else . I sent her a text inviting her over tomorrow evening for a "chat" and for the first time ever she says she can not make it as she is recording something on TV for her dad .

My DH reckons " i should let it go " and
Make sure she doesn't get a chance to do it again in the future .

Thanks for all the replies

So to summarise....

You are not going to do anything about this
You are not going to ask for the money back
You are not going to reconsider your friendship with this woman
And you are going to spend even more money as a direct result of her piss taking to make things up with your sister.

What EXACTLY was the point in posting?

I have a friend like that and she is the biggest leach I know - I have done everything I can short of outright telling her to fuck off to get out of the friendship, but since I adore her kids and my kids do too, I can't go that final step. I cried with happiness the day she moved two hours away - yet because her kids are still living with their grandparents locally, she still manages to get favours out of me sometimes on the weekends. She does it so sneakily - like saying 'would you like to go for coffee while I am down? Just for half an hour to gossip' and I think to myself 'ah, it's been two months and it is just coffee, I guess I can do that so I reply okay, then I get 'great, pick me up at xyz and we'll go to the coffee place near you - I need to be over there to see my Mum anyhow' - somehow she has just assumed I will give her the ride over, about 30 minutes drive, and because I have said I will meet I am sort of roped in to it. I've tried ignoring the pick-up text, only to get ones on the day of the pick up, asking where I am, even when I have actively said 'can't pick you up sorry' - she conveniently doesn't receive those texts.

So I feel for you. You have to choose between growing a back bone and telling her to do one, or continue to be walked all over, as I am.

[bubiscuit]

It doesn't sound like a lesson learned to me - you knew full well BEFORE you invited her that she was likely to behave this way. You aren't surprised at all.

I agree with Jojo - you are happy to be a doormat for this woman. Are you really so desperate to be her friend, that you are happy to ignore the total disregard she shows for you, your feelings, you openly expressed requests, your purse and your family?

Maybe your sister will talk some sense into you when you have lunch together.

I would send the text saying, "My sister has just rung me about the bill. She says can you please let her have £XX for your five vodkas? I did explain to you we could only pay for the meal and the toast! Let me have it asap thanks as I need to settle up with her."

By bringing your sister into it, you're showing her that you're not the only one who knows about this.

I wouldn't do this because of the money (though there is that of course) but because she is taking you for a mug.

Once I had the money from her, I wouldn't invite her to anything again.

I would tell her although you think a lot of her, and enjoy the time that the two of you spend together, she won't be invited to any other such celebrations, because you find her behaviour embarrassing.

Do you think you could actually say that, ajandjjmum? It's what we should all do, isn't it, but wouldn't it be really hard? Have you ever had to do it?

Probably not!!! Like 99% of people I'd wimp out - but I wouldn't invite her to other gatherings. I actually think that the only real time to sort something like this out is when it happens, but of course, the op wouldn't want to be spoiling her Mum's party.

Yes, I agree. I think the time to have dealt with it was when she ordered her first drink.

I don't know how the girl isn't embarrassed, going out with people and 'forgetting her purse'. You can forget it once, but that's it, surely!

Trouble is, most of us have had friends like this at some point. Someone we knew when we first married used to always arrive at the bar as we were ordering - DH was convinced he hid around the corner until he saw us go in - would never have enough money for the meal, and has been known to pocket the change anyway!

We rarely see him now.