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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have a bit of a pash with DP in front of our kids?

108 replies

washnomore · 23/04/2011 11:27

We're fairly affectionate when we're not throttling each other and we'll quite often have an impromptu snog/grope in passing. It's fine to do this, right? Sometimes DP gets his hands everywhere and I sort of worry that it's wrong to expose the DC to it. Don't know really - it's not like we're shagging on the kitchen table or anything but we wouldn't be so overt in front of friends for example. Thoughts?

OP posts:
worraliberty · 23/04/2011 14:04

Dittany you're so funny Grin

You and one other poster are the only nicknames I can really remember because you just seem so 'anti everything' and uptight about sex, porn, relationships. I mean you come across on here as so very uptight and cats bumish, I have on ocassion literally brought coffee out through my nose at some of your pearl clutching Blush

Really, chill out and relax...life is for enjoying, not hoisting your pants up and tutting at anything remotely sexy or fun Grin

vintageteacups · 23/04/2011 14:04

A boob grope in front of the 4 yr old might be a bit much but a loving smooch and bum pinch etc is cool.

MILMania · 23/04/2011 14:05

My mum and dad used to kiss and cuddle in front of us, and my dad would sometimes smack my mum's bottom in passing and that sort of thing. I never saw it as anything other than playful affection. It hasn't scarred me and I believe I have quite good boundaries and a good idea of appropriate behaviour. I don't think breast groping or anything beyond that would hae been right, though.

VajazzHands · 23/04/2011 14:10

A slap on the arse (whilst really embarrassing for your kid) is probably OK. kissing (no tongue) is fine

Boob groping I find really offensive in front of children, those who say it isn't sexual why boobs then? WHy not a elbow? I can't stand people snogging and gropig eachothe at parks why would I want to see my parents doing it?

I Think yabu OP.

dittany · 23/04/2011 14:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VajazzHands · 23/04/2011 14:17

Would those of you who pat/grope etc in front of your kids because they are family, do it in front of your parents? Would DH actually grab your boob in front of your mother?

MsScarlettInTheLibrary · 23/04/2011 14:19

It's exactly like that dittany. My doorbell plays Yakety Sax and people are always running in and out of my lounge doors in stop motion.

I said at the beginning that we may indulge in the occasional chest or boob grope but wouldn't deliberately do that in front of children.

I consider bums to be just as sexually provocative and yet everyone is saying that it is fine to touch each other's bums in front of children.

What is the obsession with breasts? This thread seems to have zeroed in on the 'breast groping'.

Sometimes, DP touches my boobs. Sometimes, I touch his chest. Sometimes, I touch his chest in a way that mimics an old joke about boobs. Sometimes, there are children in the vicinity, but we would not purposely do this in front of them. That's really it.

rainbowinthesky · 23/04/2011 14:21

I agree with shine. Would never do anything more than kiss and cuddle in front of dc. My parents were never ever affectionate with each other so maybe this clouds my opinion.

MsScarlettInTheLibrary · 23/04/2011 14:23

Vajazzhands -

My parents are dead, but for the sake of the thread:

  • I strip naked in front of my child, wouldn't in front of my parent
  • I use the toilet in front of my child, wouldn't in front of my parent
  • I bathe/shower with my child, wouldn't with my parent
  • I share cubicles with my child, wouldn't with my parent
  • I sometimes share a bed with my child, and my partner - wouldn't with my parent

And so on.

chickchickchicken · 23/04/2011 14:27

OP "Sometimes DP gets his hands everywhere and I sort of worry that it's wrong to expose the DC to it"

i think you are right to worry. kisses, hugs fine. breast groping no. why would you do that in front of dc?

RumourOfAHurricane · 23/04/2011 14:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

GitAwfMayLend · 23/04/2011 14:34

I don't think it is anything to do with prudery.

I sleep naked and dd is perfectly comfortable with that. However she would not be comfortable if her steddad started grbbing my boobs in Sid James fashion.

GitAwfMayLend · 23/04/2011 14:35

Have got that bloody Benny Hill themetune running round my head now.

ithaka · 23/04/2011 14:37

I think is is lovely to be kissy and cuddley and DH and I may also indulge in fnaar type sexual inneundo/banter with each other which the children could overhear (although probably not understand) - it is nice to feel a bit sexy during the day.

The only part of the OP that made me a bit Shock was DP 'getting his hands everywhere'. Personally, I would tell him to go easy on that in front of the children Wink

cantspel · 23/04/2011 14:38

kissing and general affection i would say is fine but i wouldn't want to see anyone my parents included having a full on snog and grope.

General house play would be fine as long as it wasn't done for any sexual purpose. My bro and his wife flick each others bums with tea towels as they think it is fun. i think it is painful and so dont.

LadyInTheRadiat0r · 23/04/2011 14:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Geepers · 23/04/2011 14:48

My mum and dad used to snog each other with tongues every day before he went to work. It would get to the time he'd have to leave, and they would stand in the middle of the room and eat each others faces in front of me and my siblings. It was horrible. I was very uncomfortable with it from a very young age but thought it was normal. By the time I got to about 12/13 I started anticipating it and leaving the room.

2rebecca · 23/04/2011 14:52

I think hand holding, hugging and kissing are fine in front of kids (in moderation, a 5 minute snog would definitely have my teenagers going "yuk" very loudly.)
Groping is a bit OTT. In general if I wouldn't behave in a particular way in front of my dad I don't do it in front of the kids and stepkids.
If you fancy something a bit more passionate it's easy to leave the room for a while.

itsabiggywhatdoidonow · 23/04/2011 15:11

Chests aren't viewed as an erogenous zone, or fetishised and sexualised in our culture. Breasts are.

Ummm yes a males chest, nipples and arms often are very sexual and erogenouse to many many people.

breathing · 23/04/2011 15:12

Bottoms arent sexual in our house, my breasts are.

itsabiggywhatdoidonow · 23/04/2011 15:16

thir reminds me of a sex and bfin thread [bugrin]

funny as fuck that was, some people were shouting about calling the cops [bugrin]

Whitewithnosugarplease · 23/04/2011 15:52

I think open shows of affection are great within a family but not actual groping in front of the kids.

There was an incident at my ds's pre school recently where a child touched another child in a so say inappropriate way. SS were informed the same day!! It's scary cos children do copy what they see. Definitely made me think twice about what I do in front of my ds.

Original poster
washnomore · 23/04/2011 16:27

Sorry had things to do (no shagging on the kitchen table ... Sorry to disappoint!).

When I say "in front of" I will reiterate that I mean, for example, I'll go into the kitchen and kiss DP while he's cooking. The kids will be in another room but there's nothing to stop DS wandering in. DS might be engrossed in playdoh while I hoover and DP might grab my arse. There's no showiness about it. It's just not a dark secretive thing.

Also, yes, chests are sexual. I don't touch DP's nips when the kids are around for this reason because for him that's a very sexual thing. It is something I wouldn't do unless the kids were out of the way eg in bed.

My reason for not doing it in front of friends? Same reason I shut the door of the loo when we have visitors, and wear pjs in hospital.

OP posts:
2rebecca · 24/04/2011 00:58

I would feel I was in a carry on film and married to Sid James if every time I bent over hoovering my husband groped my bum. Is he Italian or something?
Presume you don't mind. I'm glad my dad never touched my mum up whilst I was watching.
Having a kiss and the kids walking in is OK.

duckypoo · 24/04/2011 02:11

God Mumsnet is odd tonight, boobs are sexual to people who erm have sex, I get more boob gropes from my children than I have ever gotten from dp, to my children they are just another part of my body/to feed babies. I really really doubt a 4yo is going to be traumatised by his father touching his mothers boobs.

Fair enough when children are older and becoming more aware then it might make them feel uncomfortable, and I say might. I'm really starting to get the whole uptight harridan label that MN has outside of it's wee bubble.