to have a bit of a pash with DP in front of our kids?

[washnomore]

We're fairly affectionate when we're not throttling each other and we'll quite often have an impromptu snog/grope in passing. It's fine to do this, right? Sometimes DP gets his hands everywhere and I sort of worry that it's wrong to expose the DC to it. Don't know really - it's not like we're shagging on the kitchen table or anything but we wouldn't be so overt in front of friends for example. Thoughts?

A kiss, not a kid! [bublush]

I think a snog is ok. Bum grab is ok.

Breasts/genitals groped = no no.

Neither DP nor I are particularly interested in breasts actually, they don't do much for either of us. Hence the large amount of bum-groping

I consider our open affection to be teaching DD that bodies bring pleasure in a committed relationship, that her mother and father love one another and show this via physical affection amongst other ways. Our hugs often turn into family hugs or 'pile ons' as mentioned above.

There is absolutely nothing in our mutual demeanour that suggests to her that my body or particularly my breasts (or any other part) is a 'free for all'. She is a very physically affectionate child at home and at school but always in an appropriate manner.

Obviously I can only speak for our household. As for children being part of the thrill, please - that's quite horrible and very insulting.

Doesn't matter what culture tells me, I was talking about our house, about how breasts are viewed here. I don't view my breasts as sexual. They have no active part in our sex life. DH doesn't approach them in a sexual way and dd doesn't view my breasts as sexual either. She's only stopped bfing in the last 6 months and if you ask her about my breasts she'll tell you that until recently she had milk from them an in a few months time, so will the baby I'm pregnant with.

I just don't agree that a man touching his wife's breasts proves that he sees her body as a free for all. Maybe he likes them, maybe she likes the physical affection, maybe it's a stupid, puerile 'honk honk' joke. As I said, I just don't think that it's a black or white situation. When MIL and FIL do it it's no more noteworthy than if they'd had a cuddle and a brief kiss.

OP, YANBU. I think your relationship sounds lke a lovely environment for children to live in, full of love and affection and clear messages to the kids that Mum and Dad love each other. I would have given anything to grow up n a family like that.

Dittany, your determination to find offenses against womankind even in this clearly loving relationship undermines your admirable championing of genuinely downtrodden women on other threads, as it just makes you look like you have a chip on your shoulder.

I dont think it sounds healthy at all...bit up and down by what has been written

By the way, if the breast squeezing is done during pashing (which i think was originally claimed?), then its overtly sexual

I come from a very affectionate family where kisses and cuddles are in plentiful supply, but I am open mouthed at the posters on here who think it's fine for their DH to fondle their breasts in front of their children. Kids should not be exposed to their parents' sexual behaviour. If your small DS went to nursery, gave a little girl an affectionate cuddle and then touched her chest because he'd seen daddy do it to mummy can you imagine how the teacher would react? Respect your kids FGS.

It is okay to grope women in the same way that it is okay to grope a man. In an appropriate situation with two willing participants.

what those boys did to you at school and into their twenties is nothing like mutual affection in a domestic setting. Groping a person who neither invites nor wants it is something different entirely.

And 'groping' is a matter of definition. A boy might have groped a girl's bottom at school and it's utterly inappropriate. But a woman playfully patting her husband's bottom at home isn't what teaches this sort of aggressive and abusive behaviour. The lack of respect comes from somewhere else entirely.

It is OK to grope women. And it's OK to grope men.

With mutual consent in a loving relationship in your own home! It's not the groping that's the problem but the context.

Not all groping is a lascivious, misogynist male hand on an unwilling, objectified female breast.

I think the OP said it herself when she said :

DP gets his hands everywhere and I sort of worry that it's wrong to expose the DC to it

If it feels like "his hands are everywhere" and it feels "wrong" then trust your gut.

MissScarlet, it's not about what happens between two consenting adults, it's about not exposing your children to it. Kids are faced with enough sexualisation without being exposed to it in their own homes. Parents can set a brilliant example of openness and affection without it being grubby and unpleasant for children to witness.

I think children need to see affection, those that are never exposed to it grow up cold and non affectionate.

Its great you and your partner do this! Your children will grow up affectionate themselves and not be ashamed to show their feelings.

Good on you.

Yep, the context. I actually think it's not the body parts etc involved that determines whether it is appropriate but the attitude of the partners and the spirit in which it is done.

So, affection, jokes amusing to all parties, tenderness, etc, would not be problematic for LOs to witness.

Overt arousal, a purely sexual act, non consensual contact, or jokes at someone's expense, probably would be.

The suggestion that I expose my kids to sex to get some sort of thrill isn't worthy of a response beyond "fuck off". If you have to ask I think it says a lot more about you than it does about me. Horrible.

I grew up with the sort of open affectionate touching I've already described, yet I was never under the illusion that it was ok for boys at school or men in clubs for example to do the same. The context was clear. The fact that as a child I only ever saw such touching within a loving relationship surely taught me that that was where it belonged.

This is all very interesting and has given me food for thought. I'm not inherently uncomfortable with the level of physical affection we show but I'll definitely be discussing this with DP and probably also with the DC as they get older.

that would be covered under the overt arousal/sexual act bit at the end.

I think the point is a good one and fairly easily understood even if the wording of my post is not perfect. I'm not submitting it for inclusion in law, it's a brief outline and a general gist - only the people involved would know the context of each given situation, the atmosphere and whether it is light hearted and affectionate as opposed to overtly sexual.

Me and Dh grab an occasional snog - nothing wrong with that, imo. DD (aged 9) just used to bundle in for a family snuggle. Now she does the eeewww thats so gross thingy, but she is laughing as she says it. We are also quite touchy/feely, but not at all in a sexual way. DH might pat my bum as i walk past, i may do the same to him, he might just grab a kiss and go "SNeaked one" and laugh. I dont think there is anything you are doing thats inappropriate OP. [bugrin]

Dittany et al - you would be probably be horrified to know that DH and I walk around completely naked in front of DD, that we both sleep naked AND let her into our bed in the mornings like this [bushock]