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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not allow my children to play with guns?

90 replies

SacreLao · 23/04/2011 02:28

Just wondering really as my partner thinks I am a really mean and evil mummy.

I don't allow guns as toys, AT ALL!
That means no toy guns, no playing gun games, no making guns, no gun noises etc.

Not really sure why other than I don't think children should see guns as toys and grow up to want spud guns then BB guns etc. PLus I really hate it when you see children 'pretend' shooting at people, it just looks so sad.

My children have always had this rule and now at 8 and 7 years old think nothing of it. Very proud that when other children are playing gun games they will speak up and say that they will not play as guns are not toys.

Anyway my partner bought my son (the 7 year old) a army man set for his birthday that included toy soilders complete with guns. I agreed that he could keep the army men but I was going to throw the weapons away.

Seemed like a fair agreement to me but my partner thinks I am OTT over this and that guns are a normal part of childhood.

Clearly it's my children, my rules but I was just wondering how many mums on here do or don't let their children play with guns, what was your reasoning behind that and do you think you made the right choice?

OP posts:
millie30 · 23/04/2011 02:38

YANBU. I do not let my DS play with guns, even water pistols have to be an animal with squirty mouth rather than gun shape. Your partner should respect your wishes.

Original poster
SacreLao · 23/04/2011 02:48

Do you mind me asking where you got the animal shaped water pistols? Been looking for some 'non-gun' water guns for a while and not finding much.

My partner does respect my wishes and understands why just thinks I am in the minority whereas I thought this was fairly common with parents. I know that most schools and nurseries do not allow guns and thought that almost everyone now felt like this.

OP posts:
ll31 · 23/04/2011 02:54

I'm just amazed that you can prevent gun games - are your children boys or girls? my experience is that boys wil use anything to act as guns....

MadamDeathstare · 23/04/2011 03:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadamDeathstare · 23/04/2011 03:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tryingtoleave · 23/04/2011 04:58

There is research that shows that children will continue to play guns even when it is forbidden - they just won't do it when an adult is around.

feetheart · 23/04/2011 05:15

Hmmmm, tricky one.

I grew up in N Ireland in the 70's so have an in-built hatred of guns and a realistic view of what they are capable of.
I will NOT buy DD or DS a gun of any sort. However I don't feel comfortable banning anything to do with guns, IMHO that can make them seem more mysterious/alluring.

DD(8) has never shown the slightest interest in turning anything into a gun, DS(5) has always used sticks, Lego, his fingers to make guns and I've let him get on with it. However when it comes to trying to shoot me/other people/the cats I will pull him up, explain what real guns are capable of and tell him why I don't like them.

If DS was given the toy I would let him keep the gun that went with it but I wouldn't have bought it myself.
Not sure if that helps!

summerof76 · 23/04/2011 06:15

Interesting thread. I also feel very uncomfortable with the idea of letting DS play with guns. He has the playmobil pirate and police sets and I have taken away all the guns (but let him have the swords - not sure about the logic there!).

He has a water toy that is a long tub with a pump and shoots water out. Just as much fun as a water pistol, but nothing like a gun. From the supermarket I think.

summerof76 · 23/04/2011 06:18

Tube, not tub

MikeOxstiff · 23/04/2011 06:21

Why not give them fairy washing up bottles to squirt with if they cannot have guns
saying that I do think UABU

squeakytoy · 23/04/2011 07:00

Children have played with toy guns and other toy weapons for centuries. It does not turn them into mass murderers.

I dont understand this current trend of banning everything. Yes, we all know a REAL gun is a weapon. But it always has been.

OrangeBernard · 23/04/2011 07:00

Yanbu, I completely agree with you.

Jemma1111 · 23/04/2011 07:22

I agree with squeaky toy.

Op, do you still let your child play with swords?

Sirzy · 23/04/2011 07:28

I would never go out and buy Ds a gun but if as he grows he wants to play pretend with guns then fine. The vast majority of boys do and only a tiny amount will go on to be involved in gun crime.

exoticfruits · 23/04/2011 07:41

I thought the same as you, but as they made them from duplo, sticks and toast it was a lost cause! I think that present research shows it is good for DCs. I avoided realistic ones-stuck to space ones or cowboy and indian type ones. The grew out of it and are peace loving and would run a mile from any trouble.

HeadfirstForHalos · 23/04/2011 07:42

It doesn't bother me. I used to love playing with toy guns etc, and I've grown up to be a peaceful vegetarian!

Mind you, I used to like playing princeses and fairies and I never became one as an adult Hmm

MadameCastafiore · 23/04/2011 07:44

In my opinion kids often do things that are forbidden behind their parents backs. Are you not comfortable that your kids have will be able to play with guns as every other child has done for centuries without becomeing some sort of gun totting mad thing?

There is nothing wrong with letting kids role play - it is when they aren't brought up to understand the difference between that imaginary world and the real world - by just blanket banning them you are not allowing them to do this.

CheerfulYank · 23/04/2011 07:44

I do not think YABU, because that's how you feel. I understand the "guns are not toys" argument, and if you don't want them in your house I don't think you should have them.

Having said that, DS does have a few. (Toys, not real obviously.) I just kind of see them as an extension of his dramatic play. He likes to play pirate w/a sword, doctor w/a stethoscope, Daddy w/ a doll, and hunter w/ a gun. But, like MadamDeathStare , I live in a place where most people have guns. And no one here can remember anyone ever being shot by another person, even my FIL who is the unofficial geanologist. (Sp? Is that even a word? Confused)

pantaloons · 23/04/2011 07:45

I have never bought ds a gun, but he and his friends will make them out of everything/anything. The same thing happens in his classroom, they are asked not to build guns with the knex etc, but they still do and pretend they are something else when questioned! TBH I think it's just a childhood thing. I had a cap gun when I was little and I'm yet to murder anyone, although DH is treading a fine line this morning!

boysinthehood · 23/04/2011 07:47

I agree with you OP, I don't allow my DC's to play with guns/gun games. I also don't allow swords. I just don't think weapons should be part of play. My DS1 (9) has severe learning difficulties and doesn't understand the leap from "this is a toy and this is real", I know it's extremely unlikely he'll ever get his hands n a real gun or sword but it's the whole violent behaviour thing in general that I try to keep him away from. In the same way I don't allow him to watch wrestling/boxing/fighting of any kind as he has a tendency to be aggressive sometimes and doesn't understand the difference between real and pretend.

For those who don't mind gun play, can I ask without trying to cause a bunfight in anyway, is there a huge difference between kids shooting kids with toy guns and the COD game that everyone detests? Genuine question, I've never actually seen the COD game so have no clue as to it's content other than the threads I've read on here.

Willabywallaby · 23/04/2011 07:52

Well done OP on managing to stop the gun thing. My DS1 also uses anything to make a gun. Although he has been in trouble at school for pretending a plane was a gun. And DS2 copies everything he does....

I do think you DP should respect your wishes.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 23/04/2011 07:52

I went to a market last week and I couldn't believe the number of very, very real looking toy guns - machine gun type things, it was really quite unsettling. If a man had been holding one, I wouldn't have been able to tell it was a fake, it was only that there were so many, on the ground, child level that made it obvious they were toys. There's no way in hell one of those would be crossing the doorstep.

On the other hand, the small very plastic looking ones you get in a cowboy set wouldn't really bother me, nor would the guns on small toys (soldier sets/playmobile etc). Water pistols, super soakers etc - no problem at all.

We all played that kind of thing as kids and haven't ended up mass murderers - so I think the kids of this generation will be fine too. By 6 (at the oldest) I completely understood what real guns could do, I understood that if someone got killed with a real gun they weren't getting up and dusting themselves off anytime soon ... I don't see why it's any different for kids now.

I object MUCH more strongly to a lot of the computer/DS/wii games now that are violent and far too realistic... I'd sooner the kids were running around playing whatever the modern equivalent of 'guns & robbers' or 'cowboys and indians' is!

BunnyWunny · 23/04/2011 07:57

What if your plan has the reverse effect?- we always want what we can't have. What if, at 18, after a childhood of gun deprivation he decides to get it out of his system with a real gun? While all the little boys that played with guns have grown out of the phase naturally.

My brother was gun mad as a kid- from cap guns, to water guns, to stick guns and pellet guns. He doesn't have one now- it was just fantasy play.

Grockle · 23/04/2011 08:00

They are your children and therefore your rules. I thought we'd have a no guns rule til DS made them out of sticks/ food/ fingers... I read a bit about this and there is a lot of research that show it is important for chIldren to role play, including violent/ aggressive games. It's how they develop their understand if the world. If you play WITH them, you can guide their play and you then know what they are saying/ thinking.

That said, DS is not allowed to shoot people who are not playing the game. He is fascinated with the Army & soldiers etc but is beginning to realize that war/ fighting/ shooting etc in real life are sad and scary and that people get hurt.

Megatron · 23/04/2011 08:00

I'm not a fan of toy guns but I think you can easily make things that are 'forbidden' very enticing to children. I would never and have never bought my children toy guns but they make them out of whatever they find and although I don't encourage it, I try not to make a big deal out of it. I played with guns and 'caps' when I was a kid and have never had the desire to shoot anyone or anything!

I also think you have to be careful how you explain these things to children, as there can be a cultural issue there. I have a friend who is a gamekeeper and another who is in the army, both of whom use guns and whose children know what guns are and what they are used for.

It's a toughie but in your case I don't think YABU as they are your children and it's up to you really.