To not allow my children to play with guns?

[SacreLao]

Just wondering really as my partner thinks I am a really mean and evil mummy.

I don't allow guns as toys, AT ALL!
That means no toy guns, no playing gun games, no making guns, no gun noises etc.

Not really sure why other than I don't think children should see guns as toys and grow up to want spud guns then BB guns etc. PLus I really hate it when you see children 'pretend' shooting at people, it just looks so sad.

My children have always had this rule and now at 8 and 7 years old think nothing of it. Very proud that when other children are playing gun games they will speak up and say that they will not play as guns are not toys.

Anyway my partner bought my son (the 7 year old) a army man set for his birthday that included toy soilders complete with guns. I agreed that he could keep the army men but I was going to throw the weapons away.

Seemed like a fair agreement to me but my partner thinks I am OTT over this and that guns are a normal part of childhood.

Clearly it's my children, my rules but I was just wondering how many mums on here do or don't let their children play with guns, what was your reasoning behind that and do you think you made the right choice?

Meh. DS (9) played with guns when smaller- it lasted a couple of years and now has no interest in them whatsoever. He is a very kind boy, gentle with animals and has no violent streak in him.

Of course it's up to you, but it's the environment in which the child is raised, the family that explains the world to him that will play a big part in what the child will become-not 30 minutes here and there spent running around the garden with a plastic toy.

I remember as a child we used to play pirates and run around outside with knives (not sharp) stolen from the kitchen - I've never stabbed anyone

I don't think you can stop boys pretend sticks etc are guns. I don't have replica guns in the home, but if they play with them at friends houses I don't worry.

I'm reading 21st Century boys by Sue Palmer at the moment and it really clarified this issue for me, so I've stopped worrying about it. Pretending sticks are guns is to do with their evolution, males being hunter gather types, it's instinct and they will grow out of it at about 7 - 8.

Instead of water pistols, save your washing up liquid bottles, works great.

I've not banned Ds (6) from having guns but I've not bought him any so he doesn't have any. Lots of his friends have nerf guns and one of his friends plays with nothing else. He is the same age as Ds and apparently has his own air rifle and shoots birds. Ds was horrified when his friend told him this and wanted me to write to the council to get guns banned.

He does have a couple of water pistols that others have bought him but doesn't play with them (his choice rather than me banning him).

I think that finding out what his friend does (and learning that guns can kill animals and people) has really put Ds off without me having to do anything.

Rubbish name change just because I'm so identifiable by this story.

My parents are pacifists, proper rally attending card carrying ones and my DBs were never allowed guns. When DB1 needed a prop for a Ballet exam, my Father carved him a gun shape from wood [busmile]. They did have action men, tanks, scuba diving sets, etc. DH on the other hand was allowed guns but NOT action man as it was a doll [bushock]

Fast forward 30 years and DB is in the army, has been now for 22 years! My other brother was in the TA for years. DH has no interest in weapons (or dolls).

Not having guns didn't make my brothers pacifists but they were always respectful and aware of what guns were- its the glibbness of toy guns for children which is so distasteful and, I think, dangerous.

My observation is that guiding children in what they are allowed to play with isn't an effective way of influencing what they do as adults- BUT you are modelling attitudes.

I have never let my DS have guns- for the glibness reason. Its never been an issue, like his uncles he will spend ages marshalling and arranging 'troops'.

I think guns were much more 'expected' in the 70s, and there's just a general awareness that they're inappropriate toys.

I hope the 'Let girls be girls ' campaign will have a similar effect on our feelings about Girls' toys.

YANBU
We had this unofficial rule as well, but like others, found that DS simply makes his own out of anything to hand. There's no way he's having realistic weapons as toys - we are strict about that. I relax a bit when they are obviously cartoonish or spacey.

DS is never allowed camo fabrics or fake soldier outfits. I'm not supporting the glamorisation of the military.

Ban something and it becomes a million times more exciting.

Kids need to act out stuff, including violent stuff.

I don't give two hoots if my ds plays with guns or at guns.Neither discourage or encourage.

Of course YANBU. My 4yo DS has never really played with a gun, we don't have them at home and obviously they don't have them at nursery.

When he was with his older cousins about a year ago, they were playing with space laser-type guns and he joined in. I didn't stop him because a) I didn't want to make an issue of it and b) I was pretty sure he had no idea what he was playing with. I asked him what he was playing with and he said 'I don't know, really, like a buzzer thingy?' He was also asked to identify a picture of a gun at a SALT assessment and he didn't know what it was!

We'll see how long we can keep him this innocent! I'm impressed that your boys say they will not play with guns to friends - well done.

What I do find odd is that the parents of the cousins mentioned above are devout pacifist Christians, who campaign against wars - why do they let their children play with all manner of guns and weapons??

All mine played with toyguns and plaibil stuff have waterpistols etc

but ds1 ,ds2 now 17,14 while they maynot be against water pistols useage .They ate the most gentle pair of young men you can meet . They understand differance between toy guns and real guns same as dd and ds3 do

bb guns there a no ds2 nearly lost his sight in eye when was shot in the face on holiday by another little boy ds2 was 6 at the time and yes that time I did judge the parents letting their ds take it on a park.Those kind of weapons need supervision like the poster who said dd only uses with her dad who shoots as hobby ?gamekeeper ?

I feel as long as your straight that this is a pretendy a toy but real guns can and do hurt and kill ( never stopped dc seeing the news when people areshot . Then I don't think were rearing a bunch of killers far from it

Penny Holland has done extensive research and it is good for DCs, they can, from an early age, differentiate make believe from the real thing.
See here

Banning anything makes it all the more desirable.

I grew up around guns (Dad does huntin' a lot and has a decent collection of rifles) and was taught absolute respect towards them.
Guns were and are ALWAYS locked away in a gunafes, well, unless being used, naturally.
Howeeeeever, I will not allow any gun play or toy guns anywhere near my DSs. There's no shooting at people or similar idiotic nonsense.
They will learn, when old enough, about Grandpapa's guns and will be drilled the same way as I was, to respect them.

My ds plays with guns, has loads of them ,none realistic.Latest bright orange nerf gun and all boys/girls in street are having a hoot with them atm.
My brothers all played with guns, none are aggressive violent men at all.

Next week ds will be into something else.
So I think yabu.Harmless fun and you are making something out of nothing by baning them.

I allow Nerf guns, but not anything that actually looks like a weapon. I'm always surprised when people let children have big black plastic guns to play with. I have been known to bin such items should they be abandoned near my house.

SacreLao, it's hard to find animal water pistols in shops I've found, but they sell quite a few on Amazon.

YANBU your entitled to bring your kids up how you see fit.

I personally don't have a problem with my girls playing with guns. They have water guns, plastic guns, light sabers etc.

FWIW me and my sister played with guns a lot when we were kids and we didn't grow up to shoot anyone and neither of us has any interest in guns outside of childhood.

OP, I let my DCs play with guns but I think YANBU. If you feel really strongly about it stand your ground.

I have been called a "loon" several times for not letting my DCs do things that "ALL" Dcs are allowed to do because it made me unconfortable. At the end of the day you are the parent and I do not think that not having played with guns (Or not going to Panto in my case) will have terrible onsequences on their growing up.

yanbu about the guns

but thiis "Clearly it's my children, my rules" YABU

So long as they only kill bad guys, what's the problem?

S'up to you!

We have guns here - a whole tub of bows, arrows, guns and targets.
And DS1 has a real air rifle for shooting rats in the stable yard.

YANBU. I have a realistic view, in that DS will likely play various games with his friends that involve guns/swords/etc, but I won't encourage it by buying plastic weapons. Each to their own though, I certainly wouldn't condemn parents who do buy them.

For me, banning boys from guns and swords is akin to banning girls from dolls and prams and is completely down to personal ideology.
I think there is evidence that it's not actually particularly healthy to prevent play acting with these sorts of toys.

It is not just boys who play with guns. Or want to. And banning guns and swords is NOTHING like banning baby dolls and prams

Babies and prams are seen by most children every day. They are a likely part of the future of both sexes (though they might not choose to become a parent or use a pram)

Guns and swords - do you see them in the street every day? Really? I know some parts of the world, yes you do, but I am lucky enough not to, and I also have the luxury of thinking that using a gun or sword for its intended purpose is NOT a part of my childrens' futures.

We don't have any toy guns. DD, from aged 3, uses her fingers and says BANG. Fine.

OP, YANBU, but I am astonished your DC are not finding a way round this!

Ms Scarlett- do you have any sons?

I really don't get pacifists.Do they think a war is fought for fun? If the UK were invaded would they just roll over and die?

Not yet absolutely fabulous.

Well OP I agree with you...In a way I wish I had been as stringent with my DS as that was my ideal. However....I can't remember how it started but somehow DS (3.5) knew what a gun was all of a sudden. I made a mistake and let him see Tintin cartoon book and they have lots of guns. Anyway DS LOVES playing pretending he has a gun. I would never actually buy him a toy gun, but he makes his own guns and has been doing so from about 2; from toast, from big duplo blocks, from his hand, from sticks he picks up. I wish he wouldn't but in the end I couldn't fight it. Also his playmobil men have guns, which I was a bit concerned about, but not now.
As I said I'd never buy him one though he has played with water guns. Anyway my DP thinks I make a fuss, as does my dad and step dad. My Step dad says that in the 60's they used to play cowboys and indians all the time and pretend to have guns.