To not allow my children to play with guns?

[SacreLao]

Just wondering really as my partner thinks I am a really mean and evil mummy.

I don't allow guns as toys, AT ALL!
That means no toy guns, no playing gun games, no making guns, no gun noises etc.

Not really sure why other than I don't think children should see guns as toys and grow up to want spud guns then BB guns etc. PLus I really hate it when you see children 'pretend' shooting at people, it just looks so sad.

My children have always had this rule and now at 8 and 7 years old think nothing of it. Very proud that when other children are playing gun games they will speak up and say that they will not play as guns are not toys.

Anyway my partner bought my son (the 7 year old) a army man set for his birthday that included toy soilders complete with guns. I agreed that he could keep the army men but I was going to throw the weapons away.

Seemed like a fair agreement to me but my partner thinks I am OTT over this and that guns are a normal part of childhood.

Clearly it's my children, my rules but I was just wondering how many mums on here do or don't let their children play with guns, what was your reasoning behind that and do you think you made the right choice?

I think it is a great post Al1son.

I don't think guns should be banned- but don't understand how children under 3 (unless influenced by older siblings) get experience of guns and their uses in the first place

I don't understand either-but I can assure you that at 2 yrs old my DS could make one from toast and the noise! I was a single parent, he had no siblings, no older cousins and had not been exposed to them on TV. I doubt if I knew what one was at 3yrs but I was a girl and like your DD had no interest whatsoever. I really think that those who don't have boys will be amazed if you give birth to one!

To quote :"Children who are playing with guns are exploring the concept of war, death, injury, fighting,.... These are real elements of our social world just as much as making the dinner or going to the doctors. Children need to role play all of these to make sense of them. They see fighting on films, children's tv, the news, in the playground, etc all the time."
and:
"If you deny a child the opportunity to explore weaponry you are denying him or her knowledge and understanding of weaponry and also the complex and interlinked development they gain from the play they are missing. Children generally choose play which best supports their development at that particular time."

You do frighten me, dear.
We are talking toddlers here, not teenagers. Pray tell which films etc are your toddlers watching that portray wars/guns/death etc? Ever thought it might be a tad inappropriate for small children to be allowed to watch such violent crap?

There is a major difference in playing with very realistic looking automatic weapons and gunning down your play mates, and chasing about with lassos and similar trying to catch them indjuuns sheep.

A poster above put it very well, it's the glib factor that is so very wrong and worrying about childrens attitude towards toy guns/weapons.

You ought to read the book by Penny Holland-I gave the link earlier. Have you DSs Rollmops and if so what age are they?

rollmops I'm sorry that you are frightened by the thought that young children see images of guns and shooting. There is no need to be so patronising or suggest I expose my children to violent films. I allow them to play with doctor's sets too but that doesn't mean I would let them watch graphic medical programmes.

Wars exist and are discussed on our tv screens and in everyday conversations often. Pictures of soldiers are in many childrens books and magazines, often in very positive contexts. Any child who plays with others will be exposed to the concept of shooting and falling down dead and children are exposed to the idea of death through squashed insects, pets and loved ones dying, images on tv, etc.

You can't put your head in the sand and pretend that they are unaware of these issues. What you can do is be realistic and allow them to explore these concepts with support which helps them to learn.

I have never provided my children with replica guns to play with but that doesn't mean they haven't played with them at other children's houses. I have, however, allowed them to make guns from Lego, Playdo, etc and then used the opportunity as a learning experience. I have also allowed them to use these 'weapons' to have mock fights and explore the concept of gun fights through role play. They are not going to evolve into gun-toting murderers as a result. In fact I imagine that children who are allowed to explore guns are less likely to become fixated on the as teenagers once the parental influence is less powerful.

FFS - some of you are terribly patronising - what is wrong with teaching your kids the difference between role play and bloody reality - make your kids understand what is right and what is wrong and ensure that they have good self worth and striong morals.

And whether the guns are cartoon looking or realistic makes no difference what so ever - they are effectively doing the same thing - shooting at someone!

Then even if they have been gunning their friends down in fake battles with a realistic looking toy Uzi they will understand that it is a completely different kettle of fish, horrific and highly illegal to shoot REAL people!

There was a study done years ago and it was found that the reason why young men see no issue in going around stabbing or shooting other people is because they have been brought up to have absolutely no self worth and so that reflected on their victim - they might me a lovely young boy/girl who will be sadly missed and would be a huge loss to the community and maybe the world at some point in their life - but the person who kills them sees them as someone just as worthless as them!

There was also a link to violent computer games where the 'goodie' could go around shooting people and was hailed a hero.

So don't ban your kids from having guns - if they are well balanced kids who understand right and wrong they won't end up a gun totting loon!

And bloody toy story has soldiers and shooting people with lasers in - do you ban that Rollmops???

DS has been wathing quite grown up films since he was a lot younger than most kids from having a sister who is 5 years older than him - he is less scared of things than she is - and he is a lovely, gentle, kind well balanced good hearted kid who has never been violent to anyone because he knows that it is wrong!!!

I would never allow 9y DD to own a toy gun that actually looked gun like.

However DD has always had water guns, and is now the owner of a Nerf dart gun and a Nerf water shooter - both of which she loves to play with, with DH or the boys who live on our street.

But she is more than capable of knowing the difference.

BTW - a number of children at the infant school where I work don't have guns as toys either, yet most, if not all, use their fingers, lego pieces, sticks as pretend "guns"

You think lassoos are safer than a piece of plastic that goes bang Rollmop?

Those who ban guns, do you allow your children to go to Laserquest type places for parties or let them play computer games with shooting? Or watch Toy Story? Or the news?

I bring my children up to see that guns and weapons are a necessary evils to maintain peace in this volatile world and that the people tasked with doing that job are brave and to be respected but that guns are tools only to be used in the correct hands ( and that does include DS1 and the rats!)

I haven't read the whole thread but i had the same convo with my DH last night regarding toy guns. However he buys them for his son (my DSS) and i don't agree with it however i don't get a say which i got annoyed about yesterday as it's my house too and guns and playing gun games makes me feel really uncomfortable. DSS is ten and i don't think it's right. There is enough of it going on in the world without kids 'pretend' playing it 2! this also goes for playstation games etc i think it's inappropriate!

SacreLao -- come back to us in 9.5 yrs & tell us how the gun ban has gone over with Ur NT DS. I expect a pragmatic compromise in the future...

I had a boyfriend raised by pacifists/civil rights activists. Never allowed a toy gun. Soon as he turned 18yo he went out & bought himself a semi-automatic machine gun (M1). Is still a big gun fan, afaik.

lol,no gun noises allowed.you are imposing socialsciencetastic handwringing onto innocuous child play.you have chosen to interpret gun as symbol of violence and sinister.therefore your son must not enact or even make such noises.you do this in hope this makes him right on and reflective of you views

my kids play at pirates.doesnt make them drinking,thieving,fighting scoundrels -and i dont expect this to be enacted in rl

i do allow them to be spontaneous and explore own imagination,and yes that included play with guns and pow pow gun noises

if they are well balanced kids who understand right and wrong they won't end up a gun totting loon!

I think that says it all-they really won't!
It is a difficult issue and I was like HopefortheBest, but having DSs was a real eye opener. Rollmops hasn't come back to aswer my question-I hope that she does.
I think that society has done a lot to help girls gain equality, but it does seem to demonise boys by not understanding their needs or not approving of their needs. It is a stage they grow out of-in the same way that most of the girls who like pink grow out of it.
The wise parent realises it is a stage of play and doesn't ban guns or Barbie dolls (another object of disapproval)
I have 2 friends who both have a DS and DD with less than 2yrs apart and to quote 'were not having any nonsense about gender-they were to be treated the same'. They were treated the same and the girls were girly girls and the boys were typical boys. If a girl is a 'tomboy' or a boy doesn't like typical boy things it is entirely due to the personality of the DC and nothing to do with the parent. If a girl likes to be a pink princess she likes to be a pink princess-regardless of parents telling her she doesn't!
A short while ago I read stories written by year1 DC, they were not named. They had the same fairy tale setting and in every case you could tell whether it was written by a boy or a girl!