Frazzledmumwithsmudgedmascara ·
22/04/2011 14:52
Self-explanatory title really.
DH and I have 3 children, aged 12, 6 and almost 2. The 2 year old is at the age where he is into everything and needs to be watched most of the time. DH spent all day yesterday making a shed-type construction in the garden to store his stuff in (he had yesterday off work as well as today). It isn't an essential and he literally got up, got dressed, and spent the day in the garden, leaving me to do everything for the kids, housework, cook meals, etc. I never have the option of getting up, sorting myself out and then going out somewhere or doing something that I need/want to do that doesn't involve the kids.
Again this morning he was up, dressed himself, leaving me to sort out the younger children (obviously DC1 sorts themself out). I did breakfasts, cleaned the kitchen, did washing, hung washing out, sorted clothes out for DC2, dressed DC3, tidied, made beds etc. In this time he just sat in the garden. After him sitting there all morning I asked him to feed DC3 his lunch and was genuinely put out that he should have to do this. I then had to nip up the shop and said to DH I was leaving the 2 youngest with him. I was gone 10 minutes. When I got back they were in the garden and DH was asleep on the bench and the youngest was covered in mud and had been playing with tiny bits of gravel that he could easily have put in his mouth. DH didn't see the problem at all. I then had to sit outside and look after DC3 as DH just carried on sleeping.
If ever I do anything or have to go anywhere, DH just puts his needs first. If I go to the gym at the weekend (gone for a maximum of 1 hour), DH will just be laying on the sofa whilst DC3 trashes the place or gets lots of cereal out of the kitchen cupboards or whatever. He will stick DC3 in the playpen and go off and have soak in the bath, or will go off upstairs and play his guitar. He seems to think that as long as he's in the vicinity he doesn't have to watch the children. He also won't do anything for them. If he puts the youngest 2 to bed he won't bath them or make sure they've done their teeth, he literally just puts them in bed and then thinks he's worked really hard. He won't interact with any of the children and doesn't seem to enjoy their company, all he is interested in is what he wants to.
I am getting very fed up with it all; I try to talk to him but he just pulls faces like a child and says "whatever". I am getting to the stage now where I am just going to permanently be "off" with him and start striking and not doing anything for him or in the house, just look after the children. He sees the children as my job, and if he looks after them it's as if he's choosing to do me a favour. He thinks he can just pick and choose when he wants to be a father.